Has anyone else experience a Truman Show-esque effect because of their Autism?

[BrokenBoy]

I remember once saying in another thread that being autistic honestly isn't that different than personality disorders. The reason that I said that is because how autism can truly warp someone's perspective of reality not unlike some personality disorders or even psychotic disorders.

Up until I was say, 14, I had a very warped view of the world. I would end up being very awkward to be around and I didn't have a lot of friends at school because of it with the exception of some choice instances. It was so bad that at one point, when I was 12, I used to have an obsessive crush on a boy who made it clear that he didn't like me back but that didn't stop me from sexually harassing him on multiple occasions. And on another instance when I think I was like, 13 I almost accidently set fire to the entire house. I just couldn't comprehend in my head that what I was doing is not socially acceptable or awkward or incorrect.

When I finally became 14 it was then I finally develop a social "consiousness" and then my "world" suddenly began to fall apart completely. I was suddenly confronted with the fact that the way I lived life was inherently wrong and that I was, in a sense, living a lie or living in an false reality akin to The Truman Show or something. And when I was confronted with by the "real world" that I had been previously blind to, it was like a massive slap in the face and it made me end up in a spiral of self hatred which culminated with me developing clinical depression.

Since then, I've been trying my best to hide my autistic behaviors in an attempt to be like everyone else, with mixed results.

Did anyone else go through anything like this?

 

[Progster]

Before I was diagnosed, I always thought that other people had similar sensory experiences to my own. I didn't realise that other people weren't getting what I was getting, I had no reason to suspect otherwise - but did wonder why people didn't complain about things or tolerated things as much as they do. Music too loud in a cafe or restaurant, people smoking in public places, things like colognes, after shave and perfumes being too strong. Kids screaming, motorcycles roaring by, but nobody covering their ears or showing any signs of discomfort. Then I saw a YouTube video with a comparison of how an NT might experience the world, and how an autistic person might, and it was a revelation! It did feel a bit like something out of The Truman Show.

 

[Suzanne]

In truth, even since self awareness it, which was pretty young ie below 10, I have held my true self in tight reign, because I felt that there was something not right about me and that I would frighten people away, if they got to know the real me.

Looking back now, I see that in fact, it was people around me, who was the issue. I was quiet and unassuming and often it was said: is Suzanne here? Because I was lost in the world of books. Books brought me to a different world, which helped me cope with the world I was in.

And so, yes, a sense of the truman show.

 

[shysnail]

I don't know this is relevant, but early teens is an important time in terms of development. It's when your thoughts become more complex. You're more able to think abstractly, rather than just what's concretely in front of you. So perhaps that factored in to part of what you experienced?

 

[tducey]

Some of my experiences are similar to this. I've also often wondered if life is just a prolonged dream.

 

[Fino]

That's very interesting, because I experienced everything very similarly to what you describe, except that the part where I "realized I'm on the truman show," I reacted the opposite way that you did.

I was relieved, happy, loved myself more, and began to show autistic traits more freely. I wonder what differences caused the differences in our reactions?

 

[Pats]

I can look back and definitely see things I did that was not appropriate and can see where I always kind of lived in my own little world. And when I was younger, it could have been like the Truman Show because whatever role each person played in my life, once they were not visible, they may as well not be existing. Like teachers had a home and family to go to after school??

 

[Vindicator Phoenix]

When I was a kid, I strangled people I didn't like. No metaphor.

These days, if I accidentally trip someone, I apologize twice and make sure they're okay, and would give them a hug, if needed.

Empathy must have arrived, somewhere in the middle.

 

[RMX07]

Before I was diagnosed, I always thought that other people had similar sensory experiences to my own. I didn't realise that other people weren't getting what I was getting, I had no reason to suspect otherwise - but did wonder why people didn't complain about things or tolerated things as much as they do. Music too loud in a cafe or restaurant, people smoking in public places, things like colognes, after shave and perfumes being too strong. Kids screaming, motorcycles roaring by, but nobody covering their ears or showing any signs of discomfort. Then I saw a YouTube video with a comparison of how an NT might experience the world, and how an autistic person might, and it was a revelation! It did feel a bit like something out of The Truman Show.

This has been exactly my experience, and only a few months ago. It was an absolute revelation. Now I understand why I have a hard time at shopping centres, supermarkets, in crowded streets, and most of all: why I simply can’t have conversations with others in noisy places, such as at my workplace. I always wondered how the hell (and why!) people did this when I can’t even hear the person standing next to me when it’s noisy. And yet, I could hear everyone else’s conversations at the back of the room at the same volume.

It was utterly surreal when I discovered it’s an ASD sensory processing thing.

 

[gaop]

I remember once saying in another thread that being autistic honestly isn't that different than personality disorders. The reason that I said that is because how autism can truly warp someone's perspective of reality not unlike some personality disorders or even psychotic disorders.

Up until I was say, 14, I had a very warped view of the world. I would end up being very awkward to be around and I didn't have a lot of friends at school because of it with the exception of some choice instances. It was so bad that at one point, when I was 12, I used to have an obsessive crush on a boy who made it clear that he didn't like me back but that didn't stop me from sexually harassing him on multiple occasions. And on another instance when I think I was like, 13 I almost accidently set fire to the entire house. I just couldn't comprehend in my head that what I was doing is not socially acceptable or awkward or incorrect.

When I finally became 14 it was then I finally develop a social "consiousness" and then my "world" suddenly began to fall apart completely. I was suddenly confronted with the fact that the way I lived life was inherently wrong and that I was, in a sense, living a lie or living in an false reality akin to The Truman Show or something. And when I was confronted with by the "real world" that I had been previously blind to, it was like a massive slap in the face and it made me end up in a spiral of self hatred which culminated with me developing clinical depression.

Since then, I've been trying my best to hide my autistic behaviors in an attempt to be like everyone else, with mixed results.

Did anyone else go through anything like this?

I suspect that most aspies would relate to that, also please think if the paranoid relates only to NT people, my answer will be yes, we are living in a world that is ruled and structured by the most (in this case NT. ) we are different then them, don’t forget that even before our time as evolution evolved aspies used to deal with tools such as pills, electricity, exorcism , which being excused as an attempt to release the “demon” or spectrum traits, all because NT can’t understand autism, this mechanism of silencing aspis may still be “running” today, and i’m afraid that’s where our paranoia comes from.

 

[vergil96]

That's very interesting, because I experienced everything very similarly to what you describe, except that the part where I "realized I'm on the truman show," I reacted the opposite way that you did.

I was relieved, happy, loved myself more, and began to show autistic traits more freely. I wonder what differences caused the differences in our reactions?

It's scary to discover that, but I'm also relieved, I thought I'm crazy and broken, now I can tell what's going on and hopefully I will be able to successfully manage the situation instead of going to therapy and getting angry that it's not working and finding therapists to be one hell of gaslighters.