grandson - advice needed

[TempeFan]

Yes, parents do need to be educated and will be most important in helping him with guidance not punishment. Rushing to out him to the world before parents get the chance to help him, not helpful.
They can do what you suggested without bad government intervention:

his parents would be a bit more patient and try different tactics that they might be taught instead of punishing him

If Dad is as resistant as you say, then pushing him to accept what you are 100% sure of will have the opposite effect. Best to let him think he is helping because different tactics might be more effective than by pressuring dad into admitting what he won't yet. It will be less stressful to your daughter to have hubby on their side, not rifted apart by denial. Find out what to try first. Get dad on board with trying something that might work. Rushing him by involving government goons is counterproductive. Opens up a whole new can of worms. Help child first.

 

[Carpe_Librum]

My son's diagnosis began during nursery - the staff came to me and said he wouldn't join in with other children, became distressed if he wasn't in charge of play, didn't want to do messy play etc etc and then by the time he was 7 I was getting daily phonecalls from school - about his behaviour. In the meantime he was being seen by an educational psychologist and an occupational therapist (who immediately diagnosed dyspraxia, the Asperger's came later as they did find him quite complex and wanted to be sure).
His time at the school I just referred to ended when he walked up to a teacher, said 'I'm terribly sorry about this..' then kicked her. He then said 'I understand this means I can go home now?'
Yeah that was a DAY but I knew what he did was not to hurt, he is not that child. He has never been aggressive physically at home. It was logical to him and the most efficient way to get away from an environment he couldn't handle. I volunteered to take him out of school - the local education authority found him a better school and he is now in YR 10 of high school - there are still issues there but he is doing alright. Socially is my main concern but he has one or two close friends who seem similar to him. It is hard. The sleepless helpless nights I have had with Logan I completely understand this. Hang in there - the best thing I found was to work on his self esteem. Because unfortunately school can really dent it on top of their other difficulties and as a parent or grandparent that is so upsetting to see. Just takes time. I look at how far Logan has come and we have come as a family because of autism and I know we are all better people for this. And closer.

 

[Ylva]

Being treated like a neurotypical when you're not can be exceedingly frustrating, but being treated like a project or a thing that your ableist parent thinks he can shape into something more typical can be extremely painful.

 

[TempeFan]

I'm glad you are starting to get responses on this thread and maybe in conversations with other forum members who have first hand knowledge of raising a young child on the spectrum in today's society. Like all children who are born different, whether it be from racial diversity or religious diversity or nuero diversity, etc. they are going to suffer mistreatment from their peers and the higher-ups. The best one can do is find out what works best for each individual child and make sure that no one depletes their self-esteem.

You mentioned you are equally concerned about helping your daughter, so I thought something I found out yesterday might be worth a mention. We have this friend in our exercise class who has 3 kids under 6 in a special needs program. She brought her eldest to class, a really adorable girl who does a daily joke of the day online. I recognized the child as on the spectrum but nobody else seemed to. The way our friend does it, by keeping the children engaged and upbeat, seems to be working out very well, still she says it's hardwork. She gives her kids a lot of time and attention but makes sure to take care of herself too. She rarely misses class. Encouraging your daughter to have some time and activity to rejuvenate herself might help the whole family too, even if it means daddy takes more childcare responsibility. You too grandma! Pat yourself on the back for getting your family this far.