Giving up making friends. Giving up finding a girlfriend. Giving up on life.

[Matthias]

I am reading more. I got education books in the library about piano and Exoplanets which I almost completed. My friend gave me spiritual books. I love reading nonfiction.

So yes I am doing step 2. But 3 I can't handle.

Have you tried reading books about psychology (also known as self-help books)? If you search on Amazon and sort price from low to high, you can often get a few of these books for free (Only the Kindle edition is free but you can read it on any device). Here are 2 books I found that are 100% off/free right now:

Emotional Intelligence for Social Success: Enhance Your Relationship Skills. Practical Strategies to Communicate Effectively, Manage Conflicts, and Build ... Connections

21 Days of Effective Communication: Everyday Habits and Exercises to Improve Your Communication Skills and Social Intelligence

Random titles of other self-help books to give you an idea of what is available (no opinion on these as I haven't read them - check out whatever is available at the library):

Mental Toughness: Everyday Habits to Build Mental Resilience and Achieve Success

Autism Mastery for Adults: Step-by-Step Tools for Confidence, Skills, and Emotional Balance Without Overwhelm

HOW TO TALK TO ANYONE ANYWHERE: Simple Strategies to Reduce Awkwardness, Increase Small Talk with Confidence, and Build Genuine Connections in Any Personal & Business Situations

Harness Negative Thinking: A Powerful 7-Step System to Transform Self-Doubt into Success

Adult Autism Essentials: A Step-By-Step Approach to Navigating Relationships, Professional Life and Finding Resources While Celebrating Our Strengths

 

[Aspychata]

Great suggestions @Matthias .

 

[Tony Ramirez]

That's great you doing some reading. Have you ever thought about piano lessons? You can buy an electronic keyboard quite cheaply, take a few lessons, wear headphones if you want to be quiet. I appreciate that you really open up and talk about how you feel. You politely ask for no judgments. This is a different Tony then a year ago. It may not seem like progress to you, but it is progress. You maybe surprised at all the men that are single. For every man who is involved, there probably are 4 or 5 who aren't. That l realize doesn't make you feel better, however, you may feel less alone in general.

Already did. I just have to make room for it, but I did play around with it.

 

[Mary Terry]

I think you sabotage potential relationships with neediness. You project neediness, you focus on nothing but your neediness, you talk about nothing but your neediness. People do not want more needy people in their lives. Needy people drown and suffocate other people.

Please work on yourself, talk to your therapist, find a way to address your constant neediness and learn to accept yourself and your limitations and quit expecting the rest of the world to attend to your neediness. You must address your neediness. No one else can do it or wants to do it for you.

You may not believe it but you really are showing improvement since you started seeing a therapist.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

a woman with Tony's mental condition, state of mind, mental illness, i'm sure will always have a better or easier chance of getting a date or into a relationship than a human male would.

I cannot agree. As I started working on myself to be vulnerable and confident enough to date, I would talk to women, even ones who declined my offer. I learned that they too have anxiety about dating and those who were shy sometimes were not approached by the quiet, quirky and interesting men that they preferred to meet. I took that as a challenge to provide what they liked because that was me. I got to date several very nice women, yet still enjoyed my alone time, collecting fossils in the field. Slowly I learned that I had personal agency in gaining a relationship, though in my first, which lasted barely a year, I think my autistic lack of understanding emotional communication was one issue of many that doomed it. By the time I met my future spouse I was maturing socially and emotionally and her kind and patient nature let me feel safe with her, which I learned was her response to finding me to be a desirable partner. Happily I knew by then how to nourish a relationship.

 

[Aspychata]

Truer words were never spoken, @Gerald Wilgus . I am extremely introverted, and it's very difficult for me to meet that kind of guy who maybe shy even awkward just like me. For those here, you have to ride the merry-go-round a couple of times, and then you start understanding relationships in general.

 

[Dagan]

I'm willing to bet that you'll be bombarded by ads concerning exactly what you post about, now.

 

[Masked Man]

Why would that be?

Men having lower standards for companions?
Or what?

I don't mean to derail the thread at all but...

Yes, I would like Steelbookcollector217 to please answer this question because I would like to hear the answer.

If it's "easier" for women, why exactly is it easier?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I'm willing to bet that you'll be bombarded by ads concerning exactly what you post about, now.

I get weird ads on the meetup app, some I can't link after going to sites like PH and xhamster. So that app tracks me.

 

[Jonn]

yeah, its another reminder on how my mindset and mentality has changed a lot over the years, because i'm sure that a woman with Tony's mental condition, state of mind, mental illness, i'm sure will always have a better or easier chance of getting a date or into a relationship than a human male would.

A lot of men have a protective personality trait.

AI Overview

Many men do exhibit a protective personality trait, which can manifest in various ways, from providing practical support to feeling a strong desire to shield loved ones from harm. This protective instinct is often linked to biological and social factors, including the role of men in protecting their families and communities. However, it's important to recognize that protectiveness can be expressed differently across individuals and cultures, and healthy protectiveness should not be confused with controlling or possessive behavior.


Here's a more detailed look:
Biological and Evolutionary Perspectives:

• Protection of offspring:
  Evolutionary biology suggests that men have a natural inclination to protect their offspring, ensuring their survival and well-being.
• Social role:
  In many cultures, men have historically been the protectors of their families and communities, leading to a societal expectation and reinforcement of this trait.
  

Psychological and Social Factors:

• Hero Instinct:
  Some theories, like James Bauer's concept of the "hero instinct," suggest that men have a biological need to feel needed and appreciated by their partners, often expressed through acts of protection.
  

• Love and Care:
  Protectiveness can be a natural expression of love and affection, where men want to ensure the safety and happiness of their loved ones.
  
  
• Social Conditioning:
  Societal norms and expectations can influence how men express protectiveness, sometimes leading to behaviors that may be perceived as controlling or possessive.
  

Examples of Protective Behavior:

• Physical Safety:
  Men might offer to walk their partner home, or ensure they have safe transportation, or intervene in potentially dangerous situations.
  

• Emotional Support:
  A protective man might offer words of encouragement, provide emotional comfort during difficult times, or stand up for his partner in social situations.
  
  
• Financial Security:
  This could involve providing financial support, working hard to provide for the family, or offering advice and guidance on financial matters.
  

 

[Jonn]

You maybe surprised at all the men that are single. For every man who is involved, there probably are 4 or 5 who aren't.

Precisely.

 

[Aspychata]

To some extent we are doomed in relationships because of our critical inability to voice our emotions. Once you scale that wall, then relationships aren't such a wormhole.

 

[Judge]

Living nearly totally alone isn't the end of the world. I know...I've been doing so for a very long time. For me it's just a matter of being able to keep busy whether for things I want to do as well as things I have to do.

I don't judge people or validate them based on the number of social connections they have. That the only person you need to "complete" you is truly yourself.

You aren't alone in this respect. Though if you embrace your own autistic sense of solitude you may begin to discover it isn't as bad as you think.

 

[Jonn]

Living nearly totally alone isn't the end of the world.

That is what I keep on telling ppl.

I know...I've been doing so for a very long time. For me it's just a matter of being able to keep busy whether for things I want to do as well as things I have to do.

I don't get bored...
My K9 kids won't let me.

I don't get lonely...
My K9 kids are always there.

I'm a bit apathetic lately, but I attribute that to poor sleep and just getting older.
Not a big deal. <shrug>
I'm working on it.

I don't judge people or validate them based on the number of social connections they have.

Yet you call yourself: "Judge".

That the only person you need to "complete" you is truly yourself.

Self-actualisation.

You aren't alone in this respect. Though if you embrace your own autistic sense of solitude you may begin to discover it isn't as bad as you think.

For many of us, solitude, at times, is essential for emotional stability.
Not the easiest thing to achieve when you are in an SO relationship.

More ppl should speak about the virtues of a solitary lifestyle, IMO.

 

[Steelbookcollector217]

A lot of men have a protective personality trait.

yeah, also, i agree with this statement fully, when people say "The world isn't coming to save you", that applies to men more than women.

An example, men normally don't get as much sympathy or emotional support as women do. Yes essentially. In addition to things like alimony, charity, support from society, etc. If a woman screws up everyone rushes in to save her is a man screws up no one does anything.

 

[Masked Man]

yeah, also, i agree with this statement fully, when people say "The world isn't coming to save you", that applies to men more than women.

An example, men normally don't get as much sympathy or emotional support as women do. Yes essentially. In addition to things like alimony, charity, support from society, etc. If a woman screws up everyone rushes in to save her is a man screws up no one does ****.

And why would you think there are more support services for women? It's because historically women have been economically disadvantaged in comparison to men. If women got married and stayed home to raise the children while men worked, they lost years of potential career that would build their savings and economic security. To change this, women fought for change in order to help women become more financially independent.

If men want this level of support, there is absolutely no one stopping them from doing it. Men need to put in the effort and stop whining and expecting everything to be done for them. You can help make this change by volunteering at a men's shelter or a suicide hotline. You also need to be sympathetic towards the struggles of all human beings and stop making it all about you. Everyone struggles.

What volunteering services have you done? How have you reached out to your fellow men to help them?

 

[Judge]

Yet you call yourself: "Judge".

LOL....not true. I was given that nickname by one of my father's best friends. Who used to observe me pacing at a very early age (5) with my hands in my pocket and a very "sober" look on my face.

In his mind he said I looked like a "judge"....and the name stuck for many years.

While I haven't been called by that name in decades, I use it here as it actually describes one of two of my stims- pacing.

 

[Judge]

For many of us, solitude, at times, is essential for emotional stability.
Not the easiest thing to achieve when you are in an SO relationship.

More ppl should speak about the virtues of a solitary lifestyle, IMO.

Agreed. Not all of us are cut out to successfully endure such relationships, no matter how much we may want them. And it's not a crime if and when this is the case.

 

[Jonn]

yeah, also, i agree with this statement fully, when people say "The world isn't coming to save you", that applies to men more than women.

Men often have a protective attitude towards women, I have noticed, but then women are known for having the "Mother Instinct".

At a guess, what I think might skew the scales are cultural attitudes.
The expectation is that men take the more dominant/protective role.
This would be in conflict with a man being mothered, though it does happen, from time to time.

An example, men normally don't get as much sympathy or emotional support as women do. Yes essentially. In addition to things like alimony, charity, support from society, etc. If a woman screws up everyone rushes in to save her is a man screws up no one does anything

While attitudes have significantly changed over the decade, it hasn't completely done so.

These aspects convince me that it is easier for a woman to find a partner than a man, all things being equal.
A woman who has social clumsiness would be forgiven more easily by men, if not by other women.
This is my considered opinion.

 

[Mary Terry]

yeah, also, i agree with this statement fully, when people say "The world isn't coming to save you", that applies to men more than women.

An example, men normally don't get as much sympathy or emotional support as women do. Yes essentially. In addition to things like alimony, charity, support from society, etc. If a woman screws up everyone rushes in to save her is a man screws up no one does anything.

Men get alimony, spousal support, child support if awarded child custody, charity (far more men than women use charities that provide beds and food to homeless people) and societal support. There are NO shelters for homeless women where I live but there are at least two shelters for homeless men.

Your world view of the genders is warped which, I suppose, is based on your singular personal experiences in life and stuff you read on the internet. Your personal experiences are not what men, in general, experience.

You want to see a man get emotional support, sympathy, praise, awe, and accolades? Find those who are raising children on their own. There are lots of them.