Girl time/Female friends for Aspies

[SunnyDay16]

Hard to say what it is when you talk so generally. It could be anything, people with Autism can be terribly rude, after all.

The cases I am talking about involves women that are not rude (verified by yours truly), just sweet and quiet, and they get picked on by obnoxious loud harpies for no reason other than envy.

Women with autism tend to not follow society's expectations of being expressive, outgoing, and cheerful which can cause them to get flack. It's not just women with autism, any woman can face criticism for not following the gender norms. I'm not talking about actually being rude, I'm talking about gender norms which can cause women to be highly judgemental of aspies for not blindly following them.

 

[TempeFan]

I've had female NT friends. For the most part the relationships are harder to maintain because they tend to take blunt honesty and straightforwardness more personally than males do. If a male friend is bothered by something I say he says so but a female friend will hold a grudge and I won't know why until someone else tells me. So censoring myself made them harder to connect with.

Thank you for this perspective, as it has helped me figure out what has been happening to me, especially with my LT bestie. Usually when men misunderstand me they'll tell me I'm wrong and I'll have the opportunity to restate my position so they will understand that what they heard is not what I said. Women will just ghost me for not guessing what she wants. I have one friend who does the silent treatment for months or sometimes years and then out of the blue she'll get over it and I'm her best friend again. I never know what set her off, but it's probably a missed social cue where I said or did or didn't say or do something that upset her, but her coping method from a less than ideal childhood is to pray, turn the other cheek, forgive and pretend nothing bad ever happened. I forwarded her an interesting clip I knew she would like and she responded very warmly.

 

[theflutegirl12]

I have more female friends than male friends, but I don't have any really close friends, maybe one or two. I think it just depends on what type of females you encounter, for example there are some really nice, funny and crazy females, but there is also the typical bitchy, "popular" woman who I don't get along with at all.

 

[SunnyDay16]

I have more female friends than male friends, but I don't have any really close friends, maybe one or two. I think it just depends on what type of females you encounter, for example there are some really nice, funny and crazy females, but there is also the typical bitchy, "popular" woman who I don't get along with at all.

I think a lot of it just depends on where you live. Some people are lucky enough to live in areas where people generally are friendly and kind, while others aren't so lucky.

 

[Otenba]

When I was younger I found myself thinking I preferred male company over female, but nowadays I don't let the sex of someone bother me. People are more than just what their sex is, so I try to see everyone as an individual when it comes to pal making. I'm not a "typical female" myself so taking the individualistic view makes a lot more sense to me too.

 

[TempeFan]

Guys? Are you speaking to the men here, or the women?

In junior high, our drama coach refered to all of us as guys - not guys and dolls, not guys and gals. Everybody was a guy. In Spanish class, I learned to conjugate verbs using the feminine or masculine. If it was a mixed gender activity, we were taught to use the masculine. My college scholarship was to an all girls school, where I was educated yet farther regarding gender bias and slang words ad sisterhood.

There was a girl from Chicago, who was everybody's friend. She could have been Rachel Ray's twin. She was so cute and had such a friendly way of asking everybody if they wanted "to go for a POP?" It was impossible to say no, even though most of us were from a different area of the country, so at first nobody had any idea what she was inviting us to do. Was it POP goes the weasel, a jack in the box game? Was it POPing pills? Was POP a euphamism for a sex act? It's amazing how well people of different countries and genders can communicate and be friends at all.

It seems both gender and cutural boundries are relaxing a bit. In olden days, women were only allowed to have female friends, as it was assumed that verbal intercourse between a man and a woman would inevitably lead to physical intercourse which would result in marriage or pregnancy, not necessarily in that order. It was the father's responsibility to seclude his daughter to prevent her from becoming in a family way before she was turned over to a husband in holy matrimony. Then it was up to the husband to prevent her from leaving her family to run off and marry some other man. That assumption is no longer valid now that contraception is so available, you can procure it out of a vending machine like a candy bar and in some places, it's not only legal, but likely that she could run off and marry some other woman.

 

[inkfingers]

I avoid people and like being a loner, but there is one exception. I met a young lady who was really easy to talk to. It turns out she is autistic as well, so we get along pretty nicely. I am currently pursuing a friendship with her, but I don't want any other friends. One is enough.

 

[Nauti]

I struggle to maintain friendships with NT women, in particular. My NT daughters are lovely though; I adore them.
I find AS women; Aspie women and women I (but not yet they) suspect of being fellow Aspien women, much easier to relate too.

I am open to friendships with women but at 46, I now feel resigned to the fact that it is likely I may only click with other Aspien women and get the rest of my female companionship needs met by hanging out with my beautiful daughters (the eldest is nearly 25 and the youngest, 17) and, hopefully, granddaughters, one day (I have 7 offspring in total and 3 kind-of-stepchildren, so it is likely I will have grandchildren, at some stage).
The sexism, that is rampant in female NT circles that I have been privy to, puts me off.

I feel men to be safer and easier to understand, but there are not too many that are friendship material. Most have a sex agenda and when that is, evidently, off the cards, the "friendship" ends.

I had a gay guy bestie in high school, yr 9, one of the few friends I managed to make throughout my schooling years.

 

[Gracey]

I’ll try my best to listen to anyone if they want to talk to me

I forget who I’m listening to or talking with sometimes, gender, sex, identity, genitalia doesn’t factor if I’m captivated by the subject being discussed.

I can understand the chemical composition of face creams, make up and hair products better than I can use them.

I understand the dynamics of competitiveness in social groups better than I can put it into practice.

At the moment I’m interested in the fear response,
so who’s having an affair with whom at work, the value of good quality tea towels or childcare providers worth their fees is lost on me.
I don’t have a response to that should someone start a conversation about those topics.

 

[china autie]

My two besties are women and I have known them for several decades.