cygx
Well-Known Member
My girlfriend and I have been together for about 5 and a half years now. Since we've been together, we haven't spent a single day apart. When we first met, I was literally a different person because I wasn't diagnosed yet. I didn't even know what I had, and I was this empty shell putting on a face. That's the person she got with.
Well 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, and things didn't actually start clicking until last January. (I made other threads going more indepth about this). Anyway as the self realization has been kicking in, I've been throwing out that person who I know now wasn't me at all.
My girlfriend, who is bipolar, is having a hard time coping with the fact that I'm not who she got with, and that I'm not "normal". When she's on her up swing, she's understanding and gives me plenty of room to speak as myself without being taken the wrong way. When she's down though, she's very, very hurtful. I can't communicate to her, or even to this forum, how hurtful she is, because explaining my feelings has never been something I've been good at.
She did it before and it bothered me, but not nearly as much because I was behind that mask and I didn't know who I was. Now that that mask is off, I'm especially vulnerable and she's just not getting that. I try to tell her "you're hurting me" but she just plays the victim like I'm a cold bastard and I have no emotions, just because I can't express them. I tried telling her I can't express them. She doesn't believe it.
She says really nasty things to me when she's on one of her downs. I forget the examples but I remember the end result very clearly, and that's me feeling completely worthless inside and not being able to express it.
I don't want us to have this tension. We have a daughter who's showing signs of her dad's genes and one way or another she's going to have to learn how to understand us. I think she keeps going because she doesn't understand just how hurtful she's being when she exaggerates situations and calls me names when I by default get bothered by not the things themselves she's saying but the fact that they are simply not true or half-truths and I don't have the damn tools to defend myself or fight back with. My tool was the mask and now that's gone.
I tried explaining to her that other people would cry and be able to show her, and that's usually the red flag for normal people that maybe they're going too far. I don't show that flag. She never knows how far she's going because I can't communicate it to her.
Well 3 years ago I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome, and things didn't actually start clicking until last January. (I made other threads going more indepth about this). Anyway as the self realization has been kicking in, I've been throwing out that person who I know now wasn't me at all.
My girlfriend, who is bipolar, is having a hard time coping with the fact that I'm not who she got with, and that I'm not "normal". When she's on her up swing, she's understanding and gives me plenty of room to speak as myself without being taken the wrong way. When she's down though, she's very, very hurtful. I can't communicate to her, or even to this forum, how hurtful she is, because explaining my feelings has never been something I've been good at.
She did it before and it bothered me, but not nearly as much because I was behind that mask and I didn't know who I was. Now that that mask is off, I'm especially vulnerable and she's just not getting that. I try to tell her "you're hurting me" but she just plays the victim like I'm a cold bastard and I have no emotions, just because I can't express them. I tried telling her I can't express them. She doesn't believe it.
She says really nasty things to me when she's on one of her downs. I forget the examples but I remember the end result very clearly, and that's me feeling completely worthless inside and not being able to express it.
I don't want us to have this tension. We have a daughter who's showing signs of her dad's genes and one way or another she's going to have to learn how to understand us. I think she keeps going because she doesn't understand just how hurtful she's being when she exaggerates situations and calls me names when I by default get bothered by not the things themselves she's saying but the fact that they are simply not true or half-truths and I don't have the damn tools to defend myself or fight back with. My tool was the mask and now that's gone.
I tried explaining to her that other people would cry and be able to show her, and that's usually the red flag for normal people that maybe they're going too far. I don't show that flag. She never knows how far she's going because I can't communicate it to her.