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Frustrated and lost

DesolateImp96

DesolateImp96

New Member
My friendships for the most part are one sided. My side, whenever I talk its about me me me me me and more me and it’s not that I want to do it. I don’t know any other way to advance the conversation. Even here where it’s about my feelings my language is so idk the word. It hurts cause I hate pushing people away and I want to be loved by my friends and when we’re together I don’t want the other person to hate me
 
So, when you are talking about yourself,
what sort of things are you saying?
 
tree said:
So, when you are talking about yourself,
what sort of things are you saying?
Click to expand...
F: hey
Me: hey what’s up
F: nothing much how about you
Me: same here started a diet
F: true true that’s what’s up
Me: now every break instead of two mchicken biscuits i get a side salad with two apple slices

Basically that with slight variations depending on subject
 
DesolateImp96 said:
F: hey
Me: hey what’s up
F: nothing much how about you
Me: same here started a diet
F: true true that’s what’s up
Me: now every break instead of two mchicken biscuits i get a side salad with two apple slices

Basically that with slight variations depending on subject
Click to expand...

Well, that doesn't seem repulsive to me.
I don't see how that would be pushing anyone away.

'Me' provided information.
'F' has the option to ask questions, or to mirror similar information,
such as "Oh, how's it working out for you?" or whatever.....

The example doesn't show me any behavior that seems like
it would produce extreme negative feelings in the other person.
 
tree said:
Well, that doesn't seem repulsive to me.
I don't see how that would be pushing anyone away.

'Me' provided information.
'F' has the option to ask questions, or to mirror similar information,
such as "Oh, how's it working out for you?" or whatever.....

The example doesn't show me any behavior that seems like
it would produce extreme negative feelings in the other person.
Click to expand...

Thank you for your input. Could I be over reacting due to internal delusions from anxiety?
 
I don't see that as one sided.

They ask how are you, you respond and ask them how they are. The other person doesn't give much away, so you then elaborate how you are/what you've been doing etc.

Nothing wrong with that.
 
People usually respond well to someone asking them about themselves provided the questions aren't
intrusive or inappropriate. You could ask what they've been doing, what they like to do, how they like their job, etc to get them talking about themselves then ask some f/u questions. You can interject some similar information about yourself along the way without hijacking the conversation.
 
LucyPurrs said:
People usually respond well to someone asking them about themselves provided the questions aren't
intrusive or inappropriate. You could ask what they've been doing, what they like to do, how they like their job, etc to get them talking about themselves then ask some f/u questions. You can interject some similar information about yourself along the way without hijacking the conversation.
Click to expand...
It can be really difficult to remember that due to external stimuli interfering. Is there advice you have on remaining socially aware
 
Juliettaa said:
I don't see that as one sided.

They ask how are you, you respond and ask them how they are. The other person doesn't give much away, so you then elaborate how you are/what you've been doing etc.

Nothing wrong with that.
Click to expand...
Thank you for rationalizing this. It helps ease my anxiety
 
DesolateImp96 said:
It can be really difficult to remember that due to external stimuli interfering. Is there advice you have on remaining socially aware
Click to expand...

Not sure what your question is exactly but you could have a few questions ready to go which could apply to most situations or interactions that could start you off then depending on what is said it could lead to more questions and comments. I agree that your exchanges don't seem overly focused on you as others have said.
 
@DesolateImp96
"It will take time to fully digest and have it all sink in."

:)
Yeah.
It's not a *one time read.*

I keep a copy of the ideas in my "Saved" material
on the computer for easy review.

I have re-read the book itself IDK how many times.
 
DesolateImp96 said:
My friendships for the most part are one sided. My side, whenever I talk its about me me me me me and more me and it’s not that I want to do it. I don’t know any other way to advance the conversation. Even here where it’s about my feelings my language is so idk the word. It hurts cause I hate pushing people away and I want to be loved by my friends and when we’re together I don’t want the other person to hate me
Click to expand...

Hi, I have been here a couple weeks now. I do notice just how much some autistic people only talk about themselves and seem to have no concept of others feelings, or place in their world. I am still trying to understand this, as I have always had objectivity and empathy towards others, and strive to learn their side of things. Which is why I wound up in the counciling profession.

Can you practice asking others about their views, feelings, and how their day is going? Try to be mindful of just how much you talk about yourself, and your own interests. It’s an ongoing practice just to notice your own habits. It can be quite difficult! It’s taken me a lifetime, and I am still working on it. Also, fake it til you make it! Sometimes, we have to pretend to be interested in what others are saying. This takes a LOT of practice.
 
DesolateImp96 said:
F: hey
Me: hey what’s up
F: nothing much how about you
Me: same here started a diet
F: true true that’s what’s up
Me: now every break instead of two mchicken biscuits i get a side salad with two apple slices

Basically that with slight variations depending on subject
Click to expand...
Oh, you are doing ok here...by making what is called “small talk.” Maybe it’s not as bad as you are thinking it is?
 
Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so when you've said something about yourself, ask them something about themselves! I don't have many "proper" conversations but that sort of thing always worked for me when I worked in retail.
 
Anthracite said:
Everyone loves to talk about themselves, so when you've said something about yourself, ask them something about themselves! I don't have many "proper" conversations but that sort of thing always worked for me when I worked in retail.
Click to expand...

Hey, are you seriously buying that?
Man you look fat.

That kind of thing?
 
Fridgemagnetman said:
Hey, are you seriously buying that?
Man you look fat.

That kind of thing?
Click to expand...
No, definitely don't call people fat! Most people get really self-conscious about their weight, me included (I've had eating disorders going from fat to skeleton to fat again).

Like, I used to work in a car parts place and if people bought high end parts I'd ask if they were modifying, or if they talked about the weather I'd just go along with that and say "well at least it's not storming" or something. It's mostly dull, but when you work in retail you have to make small talk. I had far more interesting conversations when I worked in a garage because I could legitimately talk to people about cars.

I'm not explaining this very well, let me try again. My friend has a boyfriend, of whom I have no problems with at all but am not really interested in. However, last night I asked how their relationship is going, because it shows interest in another person's life. Is that better explained?
 
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