Friends and connections

[scleod]

Not sure how to words this. I dont struggle with people wanting to be MY friend because I am generally speaking a nice person and a great listener. But they cant be a friend TO me because it is not a safe space to let down my guard. Unmask. Open up. Be vulnerable. So I have very very limited friends. Less than a handful.

Do other ND have this problem? Especially with NT? I just cant seem to find many deep meaningful connections. Especially since being diagnosed. I seem to notice how many frivolous things people are consumed by. I am a old school die hard friend. Are people not like that anymore? Thoughts?

 

[AprilR]

I am also like this.

I have friends, but i am always masking with them. I can't seem to be myself around anyone and it is very isolating.

 

[Jenisautistic]

I seem to have this problem.

My main problem is feeling safe enough to be myself to make mistakes and to learn.
Being vulnerable is the hardest thing to do in a friendship at least for me

 

[Azeth]

Honestly. I am like this around strangers as much as I am like this about 'friends'. Truthfully. I've only ever had a few friends in large spaced periods. I've had plenty of acquaintances, however.

But to the point. Even if I do show a little bit of who I am to a friend. I am still masking enough to only share a surface level version of myself. Kinda like fishing around to see how people will react to a very controlled variant of the real me. But it's more so to gauge how comfortable I am with doing so. Though others reactions play a factor too.

I am very insecure about myself, due to alot of factors. Mostly due to personal life problems and tramas. Alot of it is self-imposed, though I am working on slowly changing this.

 

[scleod]

This makes me feel a lot better.

When I think of a friend I dont expect a lot. Kindess. Non judgmental. For them to be themselves weirdness and all. The desire to have deep meaningful conversations not just live on the surface. I can look past many things. Live in a constant state of forgiveness for mistakes made. Look past character flaws, Etc. But even with that. I still struggle to find the depth I desire in a group of people like many people have. I am unwilling to settle for less than. I spend countless hours a week in therapy working through awful trauma to better myself. I look at and face the very flaws that I have and try to better myself. So that I can be a better person. A better friend. Better to myself. Move forward and grow. But I don't see many people with the same ambition or desire as myself to seek out betterment of oneself.

That was super wordy but it is true.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I never had a large circle of friends, prefer it that way. one of the reasons I joined this site few friends i did have passing as I age, This site is great as many of us share the same interests, think in similar ways.Where else could I start a thread on physics see close to 50,000 views. I guess if I had followed my original dream had become a theoretical physicist, I would have found friends in that community. Happy with the way things turned out.

 

[AprilR]

This makes me feel a lot better.

When I think of a friend I dont expect a lot. Kindess. Non judgmental. For them to be themselves weirdness and all. The desire to have deep meaningful conversations not just live on the surface. I can look past many things. Live in a constant state of forgiveness for mistakes made. Look past character flaws, Etc. But even with that. I still struggle to find the depth I desire in a group of people like many people have. I am unwilling to settle for less than. I spend countless hours a week in therapy working through awful trauma to better myself. I look at and face the very flaws that I have and try to better myself. So that I can be a better person. A better friend. Better to myself. Move forward and grow. But I don't see many people with the same ambition or desire as myself to seek out betterment of oneself.

That was super wordy but it is true.

I could have written this myself. It is like i am constantly trying to better myself, but most people i meet just.. Don't care i guess? They settle with being themselves and defending themselves even when they are wrong.

I am trying to stop this, and be more confident in myself but it is also important for me to not lose the few friends i have. Since i don't have anyone else i can rely on in real life

 

[Jenisautistic]

A lot of nd people in my arc program want to be friendly or even friends and I have a hard time letting them in or even knowing what to do when people want to be friendly

Some nts too.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I meet my closest friend in college, did not know at the time we were both ND, he keep approaching me. after classes until I finally started interacting. Basically was not really looking for a friend. thought I had a budding friendship on the college bus. who was a fellow physics enthusiast, who quit the program and changed colleges. So I allowed a friendship to develop with this other classmate. Still friends. almost fifty years later. Actually moved into his parents basement for a few semesters. He meet one of my schoolmates at a party I took him to married her got her pregnant. Now has five daughters. Thats how many of us work hesitant to make friends or start relationships. I was determined to finish college get established in career first Then joined dating site realized I had a rooming house full of eligible women, of which I was the landlord. That's how oblivious we can be.

 

[scleod]

I could have written this myself. It is like i am constantly trying to better myself, but most people i meet just.. Don't care i guess? They settle with being themselves and defending themselves even when they are wrong.

I am trying to stop this, and be more confident in myself but it is also important for me to not lose the few friends i have. Since i don't have anyone else i can rely on in real life

I agree. I am confused as well by this. Their lack of care to move forward and grow. Or is it that they just do not want to put in the hard work and face the pain it takes to smooth out the rough edges. I am not sure why people defend the parts of them that are flaws, not who they are and cant be changed. Some people will ask you to change who you are and that is when you have to put on a mask which can be an impossible task.

I completely understand what you mean. I was forced to lose friends through an accident. It weaned out most of my friends. I was trying hard before to stay connected because of the same reason as you. I had very few and now I have even fewer.

 

[kenaij]

I have absolutely no friends. And completely fine with it. Besides my wife and kids. And some family. I really do not need anyone else.

Like you. There are quite a few people that seem to like me. And take an interest in me. But I really do not feel the need to take it any further than it already is. Mostly this is with people from work. I have had friends in the past. But honostly I really do not need any friends. Too much effort. Too little reward.

 

[TouhouFan28]

Not sure how to words this. I dont struggle with people wanting to be MY friend because I am generally speaking a nice person and a great listener. But they cant be a friend TO me because it is not a safe space to let down my guard. Unmask. Open up. Be vulnerable. So I have very very limited friends. Less than a handful.

Yep relate to this pretty well. The only people I unmask with are online. I'm fine with that. I often times forget neurodivergent people are a minority LMAO! There's so many of us online.