Forgiveness?

[Rudy Schmidt]

THAT IS ME 100%!! I will even tell the person who pissed me off that I'm fine and everything is okay and then I will try everything I can to avoid talking about it or even see them again. On the other hand I can be the most loving and supportive friend but that's until something puts me off. ):

That's two of us then. I know it isn't a healthy way to be, but give me a perfect environment, and I'll be a perfect person.

 

[LgndKllr24]

I don't really hold grudges because in general I dislike conflict very much. As a matter of fact, it makes me very uncomfortable to where I really can't even function. It's like I can feel the emotions and I just completely shut down. If something or somebody bothers me, I tend to just try to get away from them for a while to get over it. Then I typically am ok. When I am unable to get out of the situation though, that creates more problems. That tends to lead to more shutdowns.

 

[Madame Catfish]

It takes a lot to describe a person as unforgivable, but when that point is reached, it is permanent. Once I label someone as untrustworthy or deficient, it sticks. I wouldn't really call it a grudge, though, since I don't harbour any feelings of hatred for that person- it's more like making a command decision that they can no longer be relied upon or socialized with on a close level. I try not to be hugged by them and avoid working with the person if at all possible, but I don't actively feel hate or act unfriendly towards them (well, any more unfriendly than I usually am).

 

[Dwayne]

I can forgive and move on, but if the person is still one of the evil ones I don't let my guard down.

 

[Bri]

I don't really hold grudges because in general I dislike conflict very much. As a matter of fact, it makes me very uncomfortable to where I really can't even function. It's like I can feel the emotions and I just completely shut down. If something or somebody bothers me, I tend to just try to get away from them for a while to get over it. Then I typically am ok. When I am unable to get out of the situation though, that creates more problems. That tends to lead to more shutdowns.

I can relate, I also avoid conflic but because if I try to express my feelings its either long winded and overwhelming or I get overly emotional for the situation because I get very anxious. So I choose the worst and bottle up my feelings which everything falls apart from there!

 

[Bri]

It takes a lot to describe a person as unforgivable, but when that point is reached, it is permanent. Once I label someone as untrustworthy or deficient, it sticks. I wouldn't really call it a grudge, though, since I don't harbour any feelings of hatred for that person- it's more like making a command decision that they can no longer be relied upon or socialized with on a close level. I try not to be hugged by them and avoid working with the person if at all possible, but I don't actively feel hate or act unfriendly towards them (well, any more unfriendly than I usually am).

I dont act unfriendly to them either.. in an effort to avoid a confrontation ill actually try to be nice to them as much as I hate to admit it. I try to be nice to everyone so I dont want them to pick up on it and so on..

 

[Bri]

I can forgive and move on, but if the person is still one of the evil ones I don't let my guard down.

The more I think about it the more I realize that I dont fully understand forgiveness

 

[Dwayne]

Forgiveness to me is more about you than about the person you are forgiving. It doesn't matter to the other person, but it does matter to your own heart. To me, it's a form of self-healing.

 

[Bri]

Forgiveness to me is more about you than about the person you are forgiving. It doesn't matter to the other person, but it does matter to your own heart. To me, it's a form of self-healing.

I really like your prospective and I agree. I'm going to try to apply this for now on

 

[Cerulean]

I have a hard time deciding when and whether it's worth it to forgive. It's so easy for me to cut friends off like it was all nothing. I really want to learn how better myself in this way.

I think it's great that you've learned this about yourself and are conscious of a need to work on it. I am starting to examine some of my own thought patterns this way to find out how I can contribute to more positive and fulfilling relationships. I've uncovered some ugly truths about my own tendencies and it can be hard to confront and change them, especially if you're a logical Aspie who has (in her mind) totally "justified" reasons for them...

 

[Bri]

I think it's great that you've learned this about yourself and are conscious of a need to work on it. I am starting to examine some of my own thought patterns this way to find out how I can contribute to more positive and fulfilling relationships. I've uncovered some ugly truths about my own tendencies and it can be hard to confront and change them, especially if you're a logical Aspie who has (in her mind) totally "justified" reasons for them...

I definitely justify everything... Here I am in the back of my mind like oh well I get it from my mom!! I'm so thankful for this place and to be able to pull resources together to better myself!

 

[Loomis]

I have no grudges and no one who I feel any animosity toward. I believe it is because I have learned not to take anything personally. When someone says something I do not like I remind myself that it is not about me. Whatever their issues are, they are not my problem. It really makes life very pleasant not to care what anyone thinks and not to take offense with anything someone does. What is really entertaining is when someone is purposely trying to annoy me. When you react to this type of aggressive behavior with complete indifference--> You win.