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finding ways to be alone?

I've been retired for a couple of years (during which I thrived on being ALONE) and my husband retired in February of this year. I really had to bite my tongue and control my frustrations the first couple of months after he retired because he tended to follow me around the house like he was lost and interject himself into whatever I was doing. I found myself suggesting he do this or that or telling him we needed something or the other from the store, just to get him focused on something other than following me around and trying to do whatever it was that I was doing. I've always been very independent and can't stand for anyone to try to usurp my activities and free time. I also need a lot of time alone.

We rarely like to watch the same things on TV so it has become the norm for me to retreat to the bedroom to watch Netflix shows like BBC murder mysteries, historical documentaries, and cooking shows, while he hangs out in the living room watching "This Old House" or craftsmen shows about building motorcycles and woodworking and stuff like that. We don't mind doing our own things and it is not an issue.

One day when he was horning in on my cooking dinner, I snapped and told him that I never contemplated and do not want to be married to a house-husband, and that he needed to find something else to do. He got the message and began designing and building a chicken house. Yep, the Taj Mahal of chicken houses in one of the pastures adjacent to the horse barn. He has been working on the _)*$&^(#))# chicken house for several months now. Sheesh, how hard is it to build a chicken house?! But at least he is outside and engaged in what he is doing. I told him yesterday that he needs to finish it because I'm going to buy baby chickens this coming week and they need their home to be ready. That seemed to make him happy because he now has a deadline. He even asked me to make ham & cheese paninis for lunch so he can keep working, so I'm heading to the kitchen now.

It's not easy to make the adjustment of being together all day every day, but as long as we freely talk about it and respect each other's interests, we're okay.
 
Mary, much of your post could be my own. Fortunately, I'm gradually getting my wife to realize that I need time alone because of who I am, more than because of who she is. And it was a big step when she allowed me to help her fill in a volunteer job application.

Maybe if you like the chicken house, your husband could build a second one for you to use as a retreat.
 
AwkwardSilence said:
Mary, much of your post could be my own. Fortunately, I'm gradually getting my wife to realize that I need time alone because of who I am, more than because of who she is. And it was a big step when she allowed me to help her fill in a volunteer job application.

Maybe if you like the chicken house, your husband could build a second one for you to use as a retreat.
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Well said that you need time alone because of who you are and not as a reflection on your wife. I'm the same way.

I've been joking that I'm going to use the new chicken house as my "she-shed". All it needs is an A/C window unit, satellite TV, recliner chair, and small refrigerator to make me very happy.

I feel bad that I'm complaining about the Taj Mahal chicken house. It is beautiful but so overbuilt for the 3-4 chickens that I want. He is even going to put shutters on the windows! We've had chickens for years, as many as a dozen at a time, but cannot eat that many eggs so I share them with family and friends. There are few things better than fresh eggs but we need only 2-3 eggs per day which will accumulate until I give them away. I've even made Brioche bread just to use up eggs.
 
Funny, the course of this thread reminded me of my grandparents.

That my grandfather had a large shed/room within their garage and patio area where he kept a bed. Where he managed to spend a great deal of time there, separate from the the rest of the house.

Guess his brand of "he-shed" worked too. :cool:
 
AwkwardSilence said:
When I was in my teens, the ideal retreat I fantasized about was a bank vault with me having the only key.
Click to expand...

You might suffocate locked in a bank vault!
Tell her you’re taking up meditation and you will need to be left alone for an hour or so every day. Take up a hobby you know she has absolutely no interest in so you will be left alone. Get into gardening and plants, it’s light exercise, very rewarding and can be as time consuming as you wish. Specialise in orchids or bonsai which can be fiddly and need a lot of attention and research also giving you the excuse that you’re going out from time to time collecting material or taking cuttings, of course that’s a no go if she likes gardening.
 
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