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Feeling like you're "trapped."

UsernameTaken

Well-Known Member
No matter how well things go in my life, I always feel a sense of sadness due to the fact that... Well, it's like there's a glass casing around me separating me from the real world.
It almost feels like I'm permanently trapped in a bubble. I can laugh and joke with people, and socialise, but I always feel completely cut off from everyone, even my family and the one I love.
I wish I could feel more connected to my emotions. It seems as if everyone else experiences their emotions stronger than I do. That other people are happier, more empathetic.
I want to be able to feel happy and warm, instead of what is not happiness but simple "not being upset" and this cold feeling of not being attached to anything or anybody.
The truth is, I'm an alien. I'll never be able to feel the same way others do. Infact other aspies seem to feel alot more than I do. I have alot of love in my heart, but whenever I try to express it, it's like it comes up against this glass prison in which it cannot escape, like a trapped butterfly.
 
I know the feeling, Username, and I sympathize. I think that being aware of it is part of the process of being able to reach outside of it, so I commend you for your self-awareness.
 
I want to be able to feel happy and warm, instead of what is not happiness but simple "not being upset" and this cold feeling of not being attached to anything or anybody.

Noone is truly happy. Even us NT's. I did a bible study once on this word happy. Nowhere did it say we were supposed to be happy; however there were hundreds of references to Joy of the Lord. We are supposed to find Joy in all things related to God. I don't think any of us will ever be truly happy until we are with God.

Life is a jouney and most of the time it is not happy. It is hard.


The truth is, I'm an alien. I'll never be able to feel the same way others do. Infact other aspies seem to feel alot more than I do. I have alot of love in my heart, but whenever I try to express it, it's like it comes up against this glass prison in which it cannot escape, like a trapped butterfly.


I don't think you are an alien. One thing I learned in therapy,,, "Quit thinking you can read people minds, we can't, and we have no idea what they are thinking"

If you see a dog and it gets hit by a car , are you sad? If so, you have empathy. I am a NT but I had to learn empathy because my parents were wolves. Now I say to people "I'm Sorry",,,when they have hardships...Thats all ya gotta do...Just those two words.
 
I don't think you are an alien. One thing I learned in therapy,,, "Quit thinking you can read people minds, we can't, and we have no idea what they are thinking"

If you see a dog and it gets hit by a car , are you sad? If so, you have empathy. I am a NT but I had to learn empathy because my parents were wolves. Now I say to people "I'm Sorry",,,when they have hardships...Thats all ya gotta do...Just those two words.

Saying "I'm sorry" and actually meaning it are 2 different things. If you mean it... it's empathy, if it's just saying those words it's merely a courtesy
 
Saying "I'm sorry" and actually meaning it are 2 different things. If you mean it... it's empathy, if it's just saying those words it's merely a courtesy

Yes this is true. But the NT's of the world don't really care 100 percent when they say things like "I'm sorry",,, It's just a memorised kindness that is part of the game. This would be considered courtesy and courtesy is something that my AS's lack in. If I can play the game why can't the AS's?

I too don't want to play the courtesy game, but I do.
 
Yes this is true. But the NT's of the world don't really care 100 percent when they say things like "I'm sorry",,, It's just a memorised kindness that is part of the game. This would be considered courtesy and courtesy is something that my AS's lack in. If I can play the game why can't the AS's?

I too don't want to play the courtesy game, but I do.

Simply put, for myself... I don't believe in courtesy. I don't believe in fake empathy. And that's all aside from "if I can't, why can't you". There's also something like personal integrity.

Besides; if I notice someone acting out of courtesy rather than upright empathy, chances are I'd rather smack that person in the face for lacking aforementioned integrity.

But hey... that's just me. Quite sure some people on the spectrum think differently about it. But I can't deal with fakeness, never have... and through extensive history of therapy, I probably never will. So for what it's worth let's drop the "but you must"-routine.
 
I don't think you are an alien. One thing I learned in therapy,,, "Quit thinking you can read people minds, we can't, and we have no idea what they are thinking"

If you see a dog and it gets hit by a car , are you sad? If so, you have empathy. I am a NT but I had to learn empathy because my parents were wolves. Now I say to people "I'm Sorry",,,when they have hardships...Thats all ya gotta do...Just those two words.
I can only speak for myself, but it is very difficult to say something that is meaningless. "I'm sorry" is appropriate when I've accidentally stepped on someone's toes, or inadvertently hurt their feelings. "I'm sorry" cannot begin to help someone who has endured tragedy and is inadequate in conveying how I truly feel. It has no real meaning and is just an exercise in etiquette. I can do it, but it makes me very uneasy. It feels false, like a lie. This is not to say that I do not empathize; I do, in the extreme. It causes me physical pain to see another person suffering. I do my best to appease the neurotypical world, but sometimes neurotypical methods are anathema.
 
With deaths, i say, "My condolences." Which i guess is like you said Bay, it's an exercise in etiquette.

Saying "I'm sorry" feels like i'm taking the blame for things.
 
Besides; if I notice someone acting out of courtesy rather than upright empathy, chances are I'd rather smack that person in the face for lacking aforementioned integrity.


[/COLOR][GOOGLE][/GOOGLE]As you are smacking them in the face, You may be thrown in jail, if that's what you are hoping for , then continue your arrangonce [GOOGLE][/GOOGLE]

But hey... that's just me. Quite sure some people on the spectrum think differently about it. But I can't deal with fakeness, never have... and through extensive history of therapy, I probably never will. So for what it's worth let's drop the "but you must"-routine.

We all have our own choices. If yours is to be rude and physical, so be it... I think perhaps you enjoy being oppositional. Have you heard of Oppistional Defiant Disorder?
 
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I understand what you're saying about the social game, Donein. In my field, I often have to go in NT drag & smile politely (hopefully without looking like a madwoman) & utter a series of carefully memorized & pre-rehearsed platitudes.

On the inside, however, I admit that I feel exactly the way King_Oni does. The oil-slick falseness of it all stinks of a lack of integrity. The NT world claims that we Aspies often don't understand & respect boundaries yet I've NEVER met or heard of the Aspie who has banded together with others in an effort to force NTs to engage in stimming or zoning out or even having a good old fashioned melt-down. If WE don't want to play this freakin' game & YOU don't want to play it either, why the heck does the NT world continue to perpetuate the shallow charade?

"If I can play the game why can't the AS's?"- Donein

This is a good example of the kind of thinking that many Aspies find frustratingly illogical. It is like saying if I can play la crosse, why can't you or (another NT pathologically illogical gem: if you didn't do it, who did? This is not our game. Many of us CAN play it (not too well & not for long) but we don't WANT to play it. Why not respect others' boundaries & reserve this (& all other games) for those who enjoy it & want to play it too? There's also something disturbingly Narcissistic in this imposition on others. For example, I had a family medical crisis yesterday.I mentioned it here but I certainly didn't expect an outpouring of fake sympathy from people. Many Aspies here probably didn't even read my post, Some maybe skimmed over it & went on to talk about something else. I definitely was neither miffed nor offended that certain people did not show up with flowers & hugs! For those who did, good for them! For those who didn't good for them too.

The problems begin when someone (typically in the NT culture) gets offended when someone else doesn't react in the way they want & expect them to! When someone asks me something & I say NO THANK YOU, that should be the end of it. But, no. It becomes a gateway into a lengthy negotiation: why not? Just try it this once. You know you want to. Don't be a stick in the mud. Don't you have ANY fun? Come on: everybody else is going (or doing) it....This kind of manipulative imposition is something that goes all one way.

"Oppistional Defiant Disorder" is a serious diagnosis & it shouldn't be proposed as an excuse to diminish the arguments of those with whom we may disagree. I've been tempted to swat a few people too & I bet it is a sentiment most people have felt at some point- IF they have the integrity to admit it.
 


We all have our own choices. If yours is to be rude and physical, so be it... I think perhaps you enjoy being oppositional. Have you heard of Oppistional Defiant Disorder?

Cause; because if you do not have an interest to play along with a "game" and have 0 feeling for that and it just doesn't feel right a person is oppositional and therefore should be labeled with a disorder.

If that's the route you want to take, fine... but with such interpretations everyone has at least one disorder. Tell me; how do you fare up against those odds?

As for the jail thing; I hardly doubt it. I've seen worse with no jailtime as a result. That being said; no it's not that I want to be rude and physical, but at some point I will stand up for myself. If that's (bar physical contact) considered rude I must be messed up way beyond undestanding in that having principles is almost a crime. Perhaps I find it rude (and/or annoying) of you to apologize for every thing. How is that more ok? That's a double standard to say the least.

Let's put it differently; people that lacked any personal integrity I banished out of my life. I don't miss them. So, there is no violence... but of course, there might be some people that think it's rude to put people on a "real life"-block list. I'm quite sure I could put those that believe that's rude on that same list as well.

And a final thought about this. This is NOT a blueprint how every aspie should and will behave, and therefore I don't know if I should attribute it to Asperger's/autism. There's also something called personality. Or is having personal values "wrong" as well?
 
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It was exactly the same for me - I did feel very alien. I have now concluded this is really a bit like a tuned frequency we are on. Other people are somehow on a different frequency so we don't feel connected either way. This feeling I know can lead to genuine depression and a sense of frustration and isolation. However, I think that now I've learned to understand something about how it works and I worry far less about how connected I may or may not be. I think of myself as being different but, at the end of the day, have come to see many advantages to being this way so aspergers is really a dealed deck of cards, some good and some bad things.

No matter how well things go in my life, I always feel a sense of sadness due to the fact that... Well, it's like there's a glass casing around me separating me from the real world.
It almost feels like I'm permanently trapped in a bubble. I can laugh and joke with people, and socialise, but I always feel completely cut off from everyone, even my family and the one I love.
I wish I could feel more connected to my emotions. It seems as if everyone else experiences their emotions stronger than I do. That other people are happier, more empathetic.
I want to be able to feel happy and warm, instead of what is not happiness but simple "not being upset" and this cold feeling of not being attached to anything or anybody.
The truth is, I'm an alien. I'll never be able to feel the same way others do. Infact other aspies seem to feel alot more than I do. I have alot of love in my heart, but whenever I try to express it, it's like it comes up against this glass prison in which it cannot escape, like a trapped butterfly.
 


We all have our own choices. If yours is to be rude and physical, so be it... I think perhaps you enjoy being oppositional. Have you heard of Oppistional Defiant Disorder?

I do not think you quite understand that going about online trying to diagnose people with Personality Disorders is dangerous. Luckily the people on this site are intelligent and are not going to listen to complete garbage with zero foundation in anything logical, and quite frankly, we don't "play the game" of common courtesy like NT's because we are not NT's. We are Aspies. The top of this site says very clearly "COMMUNITY FOR ASPERGERS, AUTISM & ASSOCIATES." It has not been altered to "COMMUNITY FOR ASPERGERS, AUTISM & OPPONENTS."
 


We all have our own choices. If yours is to be rude and physical, so be it... I think perhaps you enjoy being oppositional. Have you heard of Oppistional Defiant Disorder?
I will be reporting this to a mod. You cannot attack people like this. It is rude and hurtful. Not every person as a disorder. Not everyone is degranged and this is getting rather old. Running round diagnosing people online is detrimental to their well being and not appropriate. This is a place for people who have HFA and Asperger's and their friends and loved one to help each other not to tear each other down. Please stop telling people they are disordered because you don't have the education to make such judgements on people.
 
You sound like a very angry person, Donein. What a shame. I hope you figure out what you really are mad about & work it out in a conclusive manner so that it doesn't bite you on the glutes like this (or wind up getting dumped on the head of your Aspie partner who probably has enough to cope with already!). These bursts of misdirected anger are another reason I'm glad to be an Aspie: we're a lot more likely to erupt at the person who has actually wronged us than to gather up, save & concentrate rage until it blows like Mount Kilauea on some innocent bystander.
 
I can only speak for myself, but it is very difficult to say something that is meaningless. "I'm sorry" is appropriate when I've accidentally stepped on someone's toes, or inadvertently hurt their feelings. "I'm sorry" cannot begin to help someone who has endured tragedy and is inadequate in conveying how I truly feel. It has no real meaning and is just an exercise in etiquette. I can do it, but it makes me very uneasy. It feels false, like a lie. This is not to say that I do not empathize; I do, in the extreme. It causes me physical pain to see another person suffering. I do my best to appease the neurotypical world, but sometimes neurotypical methods are anathema.

I also don't get the whole saying "I'm sorry" to someone who has endured tragedy. It feels so forced and devoid of feeling. I feel so awkward about saying it so I usually don't and am probably looked at as being rude and uncaring even though I feel bad for the person and empathize.
 
Getting back on subject...yes I think we aspies all have muted emotions to some degree or another. And we, or at least I, dislike being insincere.
 
No matter how well things go in my life, I always feel a sense of sadness due to the fact that... Well, it's like there's a glass casing around me separating me from the real world.
It almost feels like I'm permanently trapped in a bubble. I can laugh and joke with people, and socialise, but I always feel completely cut off from everyone, even my family and the one I love.
I wish I could feel more connected to my emotions. It seems as if everyone else experiences their emotions stronger than I do. That other people are happier, more empathetic.
I want to be able to feel happy and warm, instead of what is not happiness but simple "not being upset" and this cold feeling of not being attached to anything or anybody.
The truth is, I'm an alien. I'll never be able to feel the same way others do. Infact other aspies seem to feel alot more than I do. I have alot of love in my heart, but whenever I try to express it, it's like it comes up against this glass prison in which it cannot escape, like a trapped butterfly.

I'm not happy or empathetic. I never feel as happy as others and I rarely if ever feel the feeling of empathy. You're not alone.
 

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