family members reactions to diagnosis

[Lealea]

Hi guys I am interested to know how your family members reacted to you having found out that you have aspergers. Out of my close family circuit only my mum and sister know, my brother and father do not, as far back as I can remember I have never been able to communicate with my brother I think it was due to the eight year age gap, when I was growing up he was never really around the house. My sister who is fifteen years older than me has accepted it and knows I'm still me she's the person I'm closest to in my family, I see her as more of a mother to me.

Now my actual mother is the real problem, she's how can I put this..stuck up maybe, I'm not sure. I had to tell her about aspergers because she had to be present to answer questions about when I was a child I wouldn't have told her otherwise. When I mentioned aspergers she went off on a little rant saying " I don't have it" and my social problems wernt her fault, she obviously thought I was blaming her for this and trying to needlessly defend herself and I hadn't said anything to suggest that I thought this. I don't blame anyone. But reluctantly she came did her bit and left.

I didn't tell her I had it until Tuesday when she asked me, which I just replied yes. Her response was "well it's very mild then, not worth bothering about" this upset me deeply and confused me I have the reason for my social problems ( which are so bad I have to have my sister with me when I go shopping in case someone talks to me, I have no friends and rarely leave the house only to take my kids to school) and all the weird little things my brain does, and makes me do a lot of what people have to say on the forums I can relate to.. But surely my mother knows me best, even though I moved out when I was sixteen. I'm not asking for sympathy just a little support off her would be nice.

It's depressed me for the last two days, thing is I don't just get a little bit sad about things if something upsets me I plummet right down to the place where you start to wonder why anymore. I know I've wrote a lot but It would be impossible for me to tell anyone my feelings face to face. And if and how anyone else has had to deal with a family member who is.. kind of in denial I guess

 

[Rocco]

Sometimes people don't want to accept that their child/ spouse/ parent is on the spectrum. It's easier for them to Dismiss it casually than to admit it. I Have this issue with certain folks in my life too. I understand your predicament, and I can't say everyone will be in agreement with your doctor. I hope your mother comes around and becomes supportive.
Best wishes.

 

[Datura]

thing is I don't just get a little bit sad about things if something upsets me I plummet right down to the place where you start to wonder why anymore.

Can I ever relate to that.

Perhaps your mom thinks your issues are minor because she hasn't seen the worst of it. She might also feel that your having asperger's implicates her in some way. In old medical literature they actually thought that asperger's was caused by mothers not giving their children enough affection. Perhaps she is familiar with these old theories and has internalized them. Though I know you are hurting as a result of your mother's attitude perhaps she is the one who needs reassurance that none of this is her fault. She may still be in denial, but at least you can say you tried.

 

[King_Oni]

I'm not even sure my parents understand it... which also means that don't put much value in it aside from "he's just being himself... in the same way he's been for the past 30-ish years". As it is, my parents at least just accept me the way I am with all my peculiarities. Though on the other hand I feel I can communicate properly with them.. (well, just my dad right now) to make a situation work better for me.

My mom took child psychology courses because I was a difficult kid, but it's only the basics, and it was even before Asperger's was in the DSM (early 90's; DSM 3). But given she did give crafts classes at elementary and was used to dealing with weird kids, she never considered me "too weird" either.

The rest of my family, I haven't really disclosed it other than "the disabilily income services have considered me pretty much unfit to work" which seems like the best answer to have to give when they ask how you're progressing with employment. My family respects privacy enough to not feel nosey and ask "oh, why's that?". They just accept that fact that I'm unemployed and hard to employ without asking questions.

But overall, I have little to no meddlesome family asking why I live the way I do, why I am the way I am... so... I suppose it's all good on that area.

 

[Adora]

I have only told a very few about this I told my mum but I don't think she understands it even though I got an older brother who is autistic,i also told my aunt she likes to google and she told me that when she looked up Aspergers she thought to herself "yep that's Adora" other than that my husband knows and so does my oldest brother but I haven't said anything to my autistic brother I don't think he would understand what Aspergers is.

 

[AsheSkyler]

Mom always though I had a touch of autism. My dad thinks psychological disorders are all in the person's head, which I have to agree just because of how true it is taken literally. They all got curious about the quizzes I'd found and took a few of them. Me and Dad are the weirdest, Mom and Sis are the most normal. We tease Sis about being the most normal one and me for being certified weird. Overall, we've had a lot of fun with it.

Although I make sure to tell my sister it is JUST autism. I'd never hear the end of having an ass-burger syndrome otherwise.

My mom majored in psychology, so she was pretty eager to hear any research I came across because she loves the subject.

 

[Lealea]

Although I make sure to tell my sister it is JUST autism. I'd never hear the end of having an ass-burger syndrome otherwise.

Yes this is what me and my sister are like, I can quite happily and easily make fun of myself with my sister and my niece ( who is five years younger than me).

My niece sent me a little quote on face book it said "all nieces are smart and beauty full and obviously take after their aunt" and she said underneath it "does that mean I'm special too," to which my response was "ill have the ass burgers you can have the ass buns if you want, because it's better than the ass cheese" I have no problem with having aspergers and I'd rather laugh about it than cry.

I just thought my mum would be a bit supportive

 

[qwerty]

Anything.........anything is better than the ass cheese lol

 

[qwerty]

My family were relieved, they new I had struggled with something my whole life but not what. When I explained it to them my brother and father both saw aspects of themselves in the syndrome. My mother was really relieved, I think she must have sorta blamed herself somehow for me being the way I am. All in all my family are very supportive. Very dysfunctional, but supportive lol.

 

[tachyon]

Family reactions can be disappointing. Although I don't living have parents to inform, I wish I could talk to my mother about it as I suspect she was probably the 'mother-of-all-aspies' and where I inherited it from.

I've only told two people close to me. My younger son (late 20s) was fine, but when I told my ex-wife (his mother) who I still consider family, she reacted quite strangely and almost cried. I dropped the subject & in the few times that we have spoken since, it hasn't been raised again

I've decided that I will definitely tell my other son when I find an appropriate time, but will probably tell nobody else from my existing friends/acquaintances because I can't be confident of their response.

 

[Karin]

Is there a possible your mother is an aspie too?

I'm sure people here on the forum will be able to tell me if it's true, but I've heard aspergers often runs in the family.

 

[Judge]

I've pretty much come to the conclusion that I killed the relationship I had with my cousin. The only real live human I used to socialize with on a somewhat regular basis. Moving across town didn't help, but telling her I thought I was on the spectrum was a disaster. She just doesn't get it and doesn't want to.

 

[Lealea]

Is there a possible your mother is an aspie too?

I'm sure people here on the forum will be able to tell me if it's true, but I've heard aspergers often runs in the family.

I have no idea, but if she has its nowhere near as bad as I have, to my acknowledgement she's had a pretty normal life. She's always worked and always out with friends so I don't think she has any major social proplems, as for any of the other symptoms I cant say. We're not close I only see her on a Saturday when she picks my children up for the day, when she's hear it's two minutes max

She did say that my grandmother (her mother) was quite "shy" so there is a possibility. I don't think she would have heard much about aspergers back then she's in her late fifties so she was older than most mothers when she had me. I remember her saying once that I wasn't a mistake, I was a surprise haha guess I got the bad genetics because my siblings are "normal"

 

[AsheSkyler]

Yes this is what me and my sister are like, I can quite happily and easily make fun of myself with my sister and my niece ( who is five years younger than me).

My niece sent me a little quote on face book it said "all nieces are smart and beauty full and obviously take after their aunt" and she said underneath it "does that mean I'm special too," to which my response was "ill have the ass burgers you can have the ass buns if you want, because it's better than the ass cheese" I have no problem with having aspergers and I'd rather laugh about it than cry.

I just thought my mum would be a bit supportive

Oh goodness. I can't imagine that cheese would be very good. XD

With the right people, problems can be pretty funny. We often joke that I have ADOS, not ADD. "Attention Deficie-- Oo, Squirrel!" And CDO, which is like OCD, but with the letters in the correct order.

 

[Joel I]

I have a very interesting family. I am really not close to them. We have all been to psychologists over the years mainly for family cohesiveness when young. My mother has bipolar and had massive problems when I was growing up, in and out of hospital. The family was very abusive, from both parents and I had a lot of problems with my temper growing up. I was sent to psychologists by myself to see why I was having problems. Everyone thought my behaviour was because I couldn't cope with the home environment.
It was many years later til I had even heard of Aspergers when I was being bullied out of my dream job. The diagnosis came to late and I'm very scared from what happened. My mother completely dismissed the idea due to my seeing psychologist when I was young and they had never said anything about it. Reading material about it it became obvious that I was then I finally got to see the right people and diagnosed. My whole family down play it and say I'm just using it as an excuse. My sister has even said to me never use it as a reason for my behaviour and that its just a "cop out". My family don't try to see my world but I don't exactly let them in too much.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Karin, there's a genetic component, although research suggests that environment has a lot to do with whether genes "turn on." Nurture does matter--as you probably know already!

AsheSkyler, my brain exploded. You know the correct spelling is actually COD.

 

[AsheSkyler]

AsheSkyler, my brain exploded. You know the correct spelling is actually COD.

Compulsive Obsessive Disorder? No, I hadn't heard that one much. Usually I hear OCD.

Unless there is a joke there I'm missing, which is always very possible.

 

[Aspergirl4hire]

Compulsive Obsessive Disorder? No, I hadn't heard that one much. Usually I hear OCD.

Unless there is a joke there I'm missing, which is always very possible.

Yep. It was a joke.

 

[Datura]

Yep. It was a joke.

I don't get it.

 

[Greg]

I have had mixed response to my diagnoses. My wife has been very accepting of the fact that I have AS but other than that they are all telling me "We don't think you have that". So I just go off the opinion of who the most important person is.