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Faking NT versus Learning and Adapting

Nervous Rex said:
That makes a lot of sense. If it's sustainable, you're adapting. If it's not sustainable, you're not adapting.



I still wonder how long I'm supposed to wait before looking away so it doesn't doesn't get awkward. Staring too long, then yelling "I win!" when the other person breaks eye contact doesn't quite seem appropriate.;)
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From what I once read, although it's in no way a scientifical fact, staring for 5 seconds informs that you're either sexually interested or angry/willing to hurt a person, while less than 2 seconds is lying/being weak. In the end, I normally set on 3 seconds.
 
onlything said:
From what I once read, although it's in no way a scientifical fact, staring for 5 seconds informs that you're either sexually interested or angry/willing to hurt a person, while less than 2 seconds is lying/being weak. In the end, I normally set on 3 seconds.
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Interesting. While I'm big about quantifying all kinds of things, I suppose how long I look someone in the eye comes down to a simple issue. That I will do it until I can't any more. Probably a few seconds at a time on average. Odd to suddenly realize that I'm just not sure if this is truly a voluntary or involuntary response on my part.

Totally agree with Rex though. "It's not adaptation when it's not sustainable". That at some point I must inevitably avert my line of sight to something other than a person's eyes.
 
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I somehow picked up on body language, and I don't have a problem looking people in the eye. I can do it until they scream "Uncle!"
 
for me learning something and adapting is internalising something with a view to improving an existing trait, knowledge or ability

i can't learn NT behaviour, because it's never been in me in the first place, hence it's faking
 
Once I nearly had to take a comprehensive polygraph test in a lengthy and multiple job interview process. It would have probably gone badly. Long before I ever gave any thought to being on the spectrum. Makes me wonder if they monitor people visually apart from all the readings the machine may or may not pick up. Eye contact and all...oh well.

For some reason I think a lot of the "job interview" given to Lisbeth Salander in "The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo". Where clearly eye-to-eye contact was very difficult for her under such circumstances. A well-acted scene, IMO.
 
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WereBear said:
I somehow picked up on body language, and I don't have a problem looking people in the eye. I can do it until they scream "Uncle!"
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Ah, extremes. My parents and teachers would always tell me to 'look at them when they're talking to me'. So I would look. At their feet. At their noses. At their hair. If you look between the eyes, they think they're looking in their eyes.

So little only would never look people in the eyes... Or would make a point of looking-staring so long that people looked away or - 'Only!'.
 
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onlything said:
From what I once read, although it's in no way a scientifical fact, staring for 5 seconds informs that you're either sexually interested or angry/willing to hurt a person, while less than 2 seconds is lying/being weak. In the end, I normally set on 3 seconds.
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Aaaand my wife just told me tonight that she can tell when I’m not looking at her eyes, but looking just off - like at her forehead or just to the side. And I thought I was doing so well...<sigh>
 
Nervous Rex said:
Aaaand my wife just told me tonight that she can tell when I’m not looking at her eyes, but looking just off - like at her forehead or just to the side. And I thought I was doing so well...<sigh>
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It's not the forehead, it's the middle part of the nose between the eyes, I think. The same 'level'.
 
I used to try hard when I was younger to try and fit in, and mimick some of the behaviours or do some of the things that I thought that people expected of me, but it never felt right, I wasn't good at it because it was unnatural to me and I still didn't fit in. I think now that people are going to like you and respect more if you just act yourself, because they can see that they are getting the geniune you and not a fake version of you. Also, it's far less stressful. Insted of trying to fit in with people who I know I'll never fit in with because they are different, I think it's better to seek out the company of people who are similar to yourself, who can accept you for who you are and with whom you can feel comfortable with, rather than trying to be something you are not. I'd rather have one good, loyal friend I can be myself with and feel relaxed with, than a whole bunch of superficial 'friendships'. This is my adaptation, choosing my company and not feeling that I have to pretend to be something I'm not.
 
At this point of my life, I’m pretty spiteful on who I am, and how I act. I feel like changing my behavior because of someone is a sign of defeat. Obviously I try to not say anything rude, but other than that, if someone gets offended because I don’t feel like making small talk, then that’s their problem. When I graduate college and start my career, or start a family, then maybe I’ll try to change. Right now, people can talk as much they want, but I won’t change.
 
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