eye contact?

[aj]

I hate looking people in the eye but when it comes to a friend i do try

 

[AsheSkyler]

I can look some people in the eye, but depending on my mood I may not. Total strangers I am less likely to look in the eye, and when I do, it's more of a stare down. Unless they have something very unique about their face that makes me want to examine it.

 

[GFHandel]

I can look someone in the eye when he/she is not looking at me.For example, I often look in lecturers' and singers' eyes because I know that they don't look especially at me. However, I avoid a reciprocal eye contact.

 

[wyverary]

I've come to realize that my main problem with looking someone in the eye is intimacy. If the eyes are a window to the soul, I don't feel I'm particularly privy to that, even though I am perfectly fine with vulnerability myself with certain people. Even my closest, most intimate friends, it is rare that there is any true eye contact. This makes it particularly uncomfortable when eye contact is expected, say, in a business situation. It feels like I am being intruded upon.

I can't say exactly why I feel this way. But that's my own take on it.

 

[Peace]

Right down to their soul, and without blinking. Like Amee, I am fascinated with looking into people. Yep, the Aspie stare right into the eyes. No Problem!
And did I mention, I seriously have Aspergers.

 

[Melissa Kay]

A second diagnosis is always good. Thats what im getting for myself! I sometimes dont know when to look people in the eye and when not to. Its confusing to me. It makes me uncomfortable unless I know the person well like my boyfriend or mother. But we all are a little different from each other with some symptoms.

 

[Chopstick]

I try, but the eye contact must be mutual, if the person does not reciprocate, I give it up, because it then becomes staring and that makes people uncomfortable.

 

[Vanilla]

I can look people in the eyes. If anything, probably for too long, haha. I've been told that I can stare, though unintentionally

 

[Spiller]

I can look people in the eye. I tend not to because it makes me lose track of what they're saying.

My relationship with eyes is very odd and complicated. I think they are beautiful and I might have a slight obsession with them.

you can look at a person's nose or forehead and, unless you're really close to them, they'll never know the difference.

I can look at peoples eyes, as Amee says, I find them beautiful and fascinating, though I can't really read expressions, but it gets tiring, so I look at peoples lower eyelashes instead and no-one seems to notice.
It does depend on how well I know/trust/connect with someone, but I've also been consistently practicing for about 20 years now.
As Cali Cat says, it's distracting; sometimes I stare constantly, sometimes I remember to count how long I've been looking, sometimes I forget, or I'm tired and I can't look at all.
Why do so many professionals assume this from 'textbook' AS symptoms? they don't seem to read any of the extensive 'personal experience' literature about; I've mentioned ASD forums to every councellor/therapist I've seen and not one has spent any time on these sites!
Almost every book I've read states the quote:
"When you've met one person with Autism, you've met one person with Autism!"
We're all different!

 

[Pierre09]

I also find it interesting that they based your daughter's diagnosis on eye contact. My wife is an aspie and I am NT and I would say that we both look other poeple in the eye at about the same frequency (for different reasons I would imagine nonetheless). I tend to do it more to show compassion or to let someone know that I am intently listening (I'm not saying this is exclusive to NTs only).

 

[photoaddict]

I've always found eye contact an interesting criteria. It's such a cultural thing. I grew up in a culture where most people didn't make eye contact, so I blended in beautifully. In that culture, you would find a "mutual object" to look at. Like, one friend has animals, so we'll sit outside and watch the animals while we talk. We rarely look at each other because that's outside the cultural norm. (The funny thing is that neither of us actually belong to the culture, we just learned to follow the norms.) There are many cultures where, at the very least, children are not supposed to make eye contact. Anyone raised within those cultures will avoid eye contact because it's not considered appropriate. Can they? Probably. Are they all autistic? Probably not.

 

[Kirsty]

I find it uncomfortable to look at people in the eyes. I manage to, but I quickly look away. Been told this by people and hadn't really noticed I did this 'til now. Was once told I made someone feel uncomfortable by 'staring' at them in the eye too much. Think I did that because growing up I was told I didn't make good eye contact, so guess I was just trying too hard. A friend of mine pointed out this year that when we have eye-level contact, it appears as though I am looking at their eyebrows/forehead which I'm not, so I asked her if I looked better by looking at her nose. She said yes, so now I completely avoid eye contact and only look at peoples' noses to avoid me looking odd. This has really made me feel awkward.

 

[jamse37]

You learn more on here thank talking to any so called 'expert'
I avoid eye contact always. So when a psychotherapist friend told me to look my daughter in the eye as part of a calming routine I probably should have told him I couldn't do that. And as yet I still haven't.

No two people are alike.

 

[You'llPokeYourEyeOut]

If I am really comfortable with someone I can look them in the eye. Otherwise, I can only look fleetingly or not at all. It feels like I am intruding upon them.

 

[Juturna]

It depends on what you mean by look at somebody in the eye. Look directly, and purposely into their eyes? Nah ah. However, I do generally look face to face when I'm talking with people, and as long as you are looking at their face, particularly the upper side of their face, most people I don't think people can really tell a difference. However, I used to not look at people apparently when I talk to them, and apparently that's gotten way better? I haven't had anybody complaining about eye contact for a few years though, so I'm not sure whether I'm looking them in the eyes, or just their face (which also does the trick honestly).

 

[Arlais]

I can look in the general direction of the eyes (the face, say) but only if I make a conscious effort to.. but I'm not good at holding the gaze - it doesn't feel natural to me. I get distracted super easily, too, so if there's something shiny or moving in the room, I'm just going to hone in on that instead.

 

[Warmheart]

Good, friendly eye contact happens when I am feeling well, am comfortable with the person & situation.
Fleeting eye contact (maybe sometimes peeking at the person's mouth instead) happens when I am uncomfortable with the person, or the situation is overwhelming, or I am in a foggy shutdown.

 

[Kalinychta]

Does anyone find it easier to maintain eye contact with people you are comfortable/familiar with i.e. family and friends? I definitely do. Usually I can look them in the eye when they’re speaking and be able to focus on what they’re saying, whereas with people I’m not completely comfortable with I will comprehend maybe every third word they speak because I’ll be focusing on trying to look like I’m listening while also enduring the discomfort the eye contact is causing me. In both cases, though, I still have to look away when they finish speaking so that I can let what they said sink in and try to organize my thoughts and decide on a response.

And as with listening, I maintain eye contact better when speaking to family and friends.

Also, has practicing maintaining eye contact helped anyone become better at it (“better at it” meaning that you can maintain it and still listen and speak without too much difficulty)?

 

[Aspychata]

l think l study the eyes to see if the person is lying. Having gone through a rather surprising thing in my lifetime, l study people more for the sole purpose of their believability. My ex was a compulsive liar, and could maintain a even demeanor while out-right telling huge lies. So my mind just automatically starts calculations on how their body language is adding up to what they are saying. It's pretty bad at this point. I don't do it with my boss, and there is one co-worker who is honest. Otherwise l don't look that much at the eyes, just enough to connect.

 

[AHClemist]

I have gotten pretty good at it with strangers. So much so that now I need to remind myself to look away after a few seconds. Issue then is I have no idea where to look then, before returning to their face.