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eye contact?

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by jamse37, Oct 27, 2014.

  1. jamse37

    jamse37 Active Member

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    I only ask as today for the second time by a Health professional we were told our daughter can't have Asperger as she 'looked me in the eye'
    I believe this is rubbish myself !
     
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  2. The Penguin

    The Penguin Chilly Willy The Penguin

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    I was told I don't have Asperger because I had a friend. But they don't understand this person was not a real friend. They bully me most of my life and was not nice to me. This person was more the only one I knew would hang out with me.
     
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  3. Cali Cat

    Cali Cat Femme Ferale

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    I can look people in the eye. I tend not to because it makes me lose track of what they're saying.

    That seems like a very specific point upon which to base a diagnosis though.
     
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  4. Harrison

    Harrison The Mad Taoist

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    In general conversations I rarely look people in the eyes, I'm too busy scanning my environment. However, I can stare intently at someone if I need to, especially if I am 'making a point'. Most of my friends dislike me looking them in the eye as they say it unnerves them. I know an aspie female who can look you long and hard on eye contact.

    We are diverse within our spectrum.
     
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  5. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    It does not bother me to look into some ones eyes, I just do not usually do it. Sometimes I will remind myself to look some body in the eyes when their talking directly to me. If I don't, they think I'm not listening to them.
     
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  6. Ste11aeres

    Ste11aeres Moderator Staff Member

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    I don't look people in the eyes, but my Aspie best friend does do so. So does that small boy I've mentioned in other threads.
    Avoidance of eye contact is normal among Aspies, but not an essential part of Aspergers at all.
     
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  7. Amee

    Amee Well-Known Member

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    My relationship with eyes is very odd and complicated. I think they are beautiful and I might have a slight obsession with them. I do look people in the eye, but usually because it is expected, or because I feel like not looking at them, or just breaking the eye contact is a sign of weakness. However I am always uncomfortable looking others in the eyes. I think it's because I think they are so expressive, and genuin, so it is extremely personal to me. Bottom line is - I will look you in the eyes. If the rest of my face is neutral, it's about a power struggle. If I am obviously upset and still look at you, you are very privileged and I trust you a lot.
     
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  8. Kari Suttle

    Kari Suttle Well-Known Member

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    Yes i can. At work I look customers in the eye all the time, granted my talk with them is pretty much all scripted. I'll avoid eye contact if i'm nervous, though.
     
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  9. King_Oni

    King_Oni Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I don't have much issues looking people in the eye myself. Though I rarely do since I just feel way too occupied with my own mind.

    It's interesting though, since I always found it somewhat important to at least have some kind of visual contact when talking to people, just so every party knows who is addressing who; especially in a room where there are more than 2 people.
     
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  10. umbrellabeach

    umbrellabeach Well-Known Member

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    I can if I'm comfortable with the person, but it's a rare person I feel that comfortable with.
     
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  11. anne.bc

    anne.bc Well-Known Member

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    If I am comfortable with a person, I can look them in the eye, but sometimes it's only look them in the eye, not eat with them or something. Like with men, apparently... I have a crush on someone currently... POSSIBLE crush. I'm paranoid with the situation because I don't know if it's safe or not. (not worried about my safety, it's something else. lol) ...and I can't give him eye contact yet for very long. Thankfully we've been emailing each other during the day, but it's a certain situation where I can only check the emails at work. Do you get where I'm going with this? Sorry for the vagueness. Message me for details if you'd like. If my friend The Penguin is reading this, he already knows what this is about. lol

    Okay, and I had alcohol. :D
     
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  12. Moomingirl

    Moomingirl New here and a bit whelmed

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    I don't have a problem with eye contact, and I have Aspergers.

    Yes, some people with Aspergers do have problems with eye contact, but not all of us. ;) See if you can find your daughter another health professional.
     
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  13. Sophacumenist

    Sophacumenist An isolated cloud in the sky

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    While normally I tend to have indifference and anxiety toward company of strangers (e.g. avoiding eye contact in the elevator or halls), I can be quite assertive when it comes to the formalities of introduction, direction, asking for direction, collaboration, and presentation with no problems in maintaining eye contact, communicating, and cooperating with others.
     
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  14. DogwoodTree

    DogwoodTree Still here...

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    I can but I don't like to. Unless I'm arguing a point and feeling very strongly about what I'm saying, then I can stare a person down, lol. It's very, very stressful, though, to make myself make eye contact when I don't want to.

    I grew up in a really dysfunctional household, though, and learned how to make myself appear a whole lot more confident than I felt inside. As a freshman in college, I actually won an "insult" contest with my freshman orientation group where we had to stare a person in the eyes and try to make them look away or laugh. I had so effectively learned to dissociate that I could unnerve everyone else to have this sweet, little blonde girl cuss like a sailor without flinching or looking away. (I just pretended I was talking like my step-dad...figured it would've made him proud.)
     
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  15. photoaddict

    photoaddict Well-Known Member

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    I'm like this, too. I'm good at fooling people, though. My son has learned from me how to do it. I got pushed into public speaking contests from the time I was 8, so I had to learn to look like I was engaging the audience. My 4-H leader (the one making me do it), taught me that you can look at a person's nose or forehead and, unless you're really close to them, they'll never know the difference. My son and I both use this technique, so people think we're making eye contact.

    I'm a photographer and find light fascinating, so if I'm "making eye contact", what's really happening is me analyzing the light and how it's reflecting on the person's eye. :p

    My son was not diagnosed when he saw a specialist a year ago for 2 reasons: he responded to his name (something I'd been working on with him for years!) and he wants to have friends. It didn't matter that he only responds to his name if he thinks he's going to get something or that he doesn't *have* friends or know how to make them. Getting a diagnosis can be really hard, especially at a young age, because it's all so subjective. There are so many different ways that autism can present and everything falls on a spectrum from mild to severe, so it's hard to really say "this is autism", leaving it up to each specialist's discretion. I have no doubt that, when he's older, my son will be diagnosed. Just as I know I would be, if I chose to seek diagnosis (can't afford to see anyone and the benefit of the label isn't great enough to scrape together the money at this time). I just approach life as if we were diagnosed and use that to find effective tools to help us function better.
     
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  16. jamse37

    jamse37 Active Member

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    Thank you all for your wonderful responses.

    It is a strange one. I never ever look someone in the eye It makes me feel really uncomfortable
    Does this mean I have asd? No.
    I have a good friend who has worked with adults with learning difficulties for twenty years and he was fuming when I told him this. Said they should be immediately struck off.
    Also said that the sad case is that many parent are not pro active and would just except whatever a professional tells them as they would prefer there child to not have asd.
    Whereas I am the opposite as I know my little one has and know how important early intervention is and seeing her struggle everyday with the things people just take for granted breaks my heart.
    Thank you again all.
     
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  17. photoaddict

    photoaddict Well-Known Member

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    It's very frustrating. Early intervention is so important, and yet, in many places, it's very difficult to get an early diagnosis of ASD. I managed to get my son labeled with SPD and hypotonia, which was enough to get him therapy for a while (until Medicaid cut us off because they wanted us go through the school system, not private therapy, except the school refused to provide it). Since he got cut off from help, I've just done all I can to research and provide what I can at home. Where I live, it's pretty much impossible to get a diagnosis before the age of 6, so we're just waiting. To get a diagnosis younger, the child has to be completely nonverbal and unable to function at all.
     
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  18. jamse37

    jamse37 Active Member

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    You are spot on. Same here
    Even more frustrating is when I mention spd I get blank looks.
    I seem to know more than these professionals. Wish I was on a quarter of their wage.
     
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  19. DarkAscent

    DarkAscent Tea Leaf

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    I can look people in the eye for a short period of time but it unnerves me and makes me feel fearful. I also lose track of what the person is saying and will not be able to hear them properly as I rely a lot on lipreading as I am also deaf.
     
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  20. atrocityexhibition

    atrocityexhibition Well-Known Member

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    I'm just not sure how long I'm supposed to look people in the eyes for. I'm always worried I'll linger too long and people will find it creepy! This is why I avoid doing so unless I'm in work/business situations where I have to.
     
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