Extreme conversational difficulty with those closest to you?

[JCPHN]

Do you ever feel like even when you take a step back and put things in a realistic perspective, that the closest friends and/or family to you don't have a desire to communicate on your level? I know that most people, NT or otherwise, often feel misunderstood and such, but what I'm talking about is a lack of desire to even attempt to understand you on the part of those you would most want to.

I personally find myself being cut off, interrupted, or ignored more often than anyone else I know. I find that people can be made uncomfortable in conversations with me, especially about things I am passionate or angry about. I try to sound less opinionated and less inflammatory, but I find that people still treat me with incredulity. Whenever I am with my three best friends, they will at some point stop listening to something I'm on about and then begin another conversation, rudely talking over me. This used to occur frequently with my ex-wife as well.

Anyone have any similar experiences, and better yet, some advice for coping with this incredibly discouraging phenomenon? Or am I really that distasteful?

 

[AsheSkyler]

One of my relatives is a terrible, terrible, chronic interrupter. Compared to them, I find it very hard to accurately judge everybody else. When I start to lose patience after about fifteen minutes of not being able to get a word in edgewise, I do start beginning my answers to their questions with "If you'd let me finish, then you would have known...[insert previously interrupted sentence in full]." Which then involves with them getting mad at me for losing patience and usually a lecture on how bad and disappointing I am. We don't talk much.

 

[JCPHN]

OK, um, what to do if many of your conversations occur like this?

 

[Joni]

Do you ever feel like even when you take a step back and put things in a realistic perspective, that the closest friends and/or family to you don't have a desire to communicate on your level? I know that most people, NT or otherwise, often feel misunderstood and such, but what I'm talking about is a lack of desire to even attempt to understand you on the part of those you would most want to.

I personally find myself being cut off, interrupted, or ignored more often than anyone else I know. I find that people can be made uncomfortable in conversations with me, especially about things I am passionate or angry about. I try to sound less opinionated and less inflammatory, but I find that people still treat me with incredulity. Whenever I am with my three best friends, they will at some point stop listening to something I'm on about and then begin another conversation, rudely talking over me. This used to occur frequently with my ex-wife as well.

Anyone have any similar experiences, and better yet, some advice for coping with this incredibly discouraging phenomenon? Or am I really that distasteful?

I know exactly what you mean, I can't remember the last time I had a conversation with my husband. It is very frustrating to know there is no point in even trying. I wish I had some useful advice but I will watch this thread in hope that someone dose

 

[Suzanne]

I am afraid that I am the one guilty for interrupting ones and my attention span is horribly short and I guess because I live with my husband lol, he notices when I have fazed out and says things like: she has lost interest! But the trouble is that I cannot pretend and thus, admit that I have other things on my mind and need to do such and such, but hey, I came to realize he does the same (ok on a smaller scale) when I am in the grips of an obsession it is like a burning desire to speak about it, but when I attempt to, I get the silent treatment which makes me have a meltdown and begin to hate people for not having the decency to actually listen, because even though I can go on and on, I am perfectly able to curb my passion, for I am blessed (?) to be able to read people and so, I can easily detect a look of boredom, but it is true that when I am on a high with talking, I tend to not notice the person at all!

It is utterly frustrating and very demoralising when you are bursting to talk about something but no one wants to listen!!!

Oh and I interrupt, because my thoughts are all over the place and I am eager, but yep I know it is not a nice trait and feel crushed every time I do it!

 

[Naturalist]

I have begun to point out to others that they have interrupted me. They often don't like it--my husband gets furious when I say, "Will you please let me finish my sentence?"--but in the end they can't argue the fact that they were impolite to interrupt. Perhaps you could suggest some gesture as a cue that your friends could use to tell you that you are talking too long, or that they have something they wish to add? My therapist suggested that my family members raise their hand slightly to give me the cue that I need to pause, and I feel this would help me a lot, but for some reason they feel this is too much effort. I don't really understand why I should have to be the one to make all the effort to be accommodating though! A conversation should involve give and take on both parts.

I also tell others that I cannot carry on a conversation if other people are talking nearby. My father-in-law is very bad about trying to start a conversation with me when other people are already conversing and I am trying to be attentive to them, and it seems that no matter which conversation I choose, I am likely to offend someone else. It is quite confusing.

 

[Naturalist]

I agree with Suzanne, too, I am often guilty of interrupting when I get excited, or tuning out when I am bored. But I actually welcome the reminder from others that I need to wait my turn, or be attentive, and am eager to apologize when I need to do so, because I don't intend to be rude or dismissive. I wish others would pay me the same courtesy sometimes.

 

[AsheSkyler]

OK, um, what to do if many of your conversations occur like this?

I usually start fiddling with something, giving them a blank stare, or some kind of physical signal they are annoying me and being rude. With any luck, they're not so absorbed in themselves they are oblivious to what's going on and will try to address the issue. If not, I wander off. Sometimes they notice, sometimes they don't.

 

[Harrison]

I am terrible for interrupting people, the opposite of this is my blank boredom stare.

I have gotten in to so much trouble over the years when people ask 'Am I boring you? and I inadvertently say 'Yes'.

My most common issue is not being able to stop talking if I'm excited about something, I'm sure I will pass out from oxygen deprivation one day.

 

[paloftoon]

First impressions are generally lasting impressions. So the people that you interact with, they may not be able to know how to react right away when you do change (temporarily.) Try not to make the same mistakes with others. Look for other groups you can try to be a part of, keep yourself pre-occupied as much possible. Community service, something that is fun for you or something that you might learn something from can be helpful. People are not as empathetic as they used to be overall. There has to be some give and take. There is no specific formula. I hope you find some things that work. I'm still doing that myself. Everything I do has been temporary and I tend to keep switching to other things or not expecting things to get more intimately personal (on a friendship level, not sexual.) That's another thing too, we have to realize that some invisible barriers are not under our control for a complexity of reasons. Some people have their prejudices or bad experiences, so they may judge someone or not want to be around someone if one is married or not, race, or culture, even if interests match up well.