Ever just... change dramatically?

[Slime_Punk]

I think I've mentioned this before and had a few of you chime in, but I'm beginning to think it's an autistic-specific thing.

A lot of the NTs I know can gradually change interests over time, kind of adapting to new ones and weeding others out as they see fit. Over the long haul, they don't seem to really change 'who they are' (that part is obviously open for debate: who are we, anyway?), especially not overnight. Well... I do, or at least I have. Have you?

The last change for me took place 2 years ago, and I'm sort of convinced in a non-delusional way that I'm at least partially a different being than I was before. It wasn't really just a few interests or attributes about me that changed... it was like, everything about me changed - and, for the better (not like brain-tumor type stuff). It was so drastic that I'm still kind of grappling with my new tastes in art, music, conversation, hobbies, my general mood, compassion for others and probably many other things.

I don't know what to make of it. Has this ever happened to you? I'd love to hear about it if so!

 

[Raggamuffin]

I seem to have lost interest in gaming. Just can't seem to do it anymore. It was a long running addiction from childhood and peaked during my mid-teens through to my early 30's. Conservative estimate would be over 30k hours spent gaming.

I'm forcing myself to game at this point, and can barely do more than an hour or 2 a week these days.

Ed

 

[Knower of nothing]

Absolutely, though for me the change had a clear catalyst and so wasn't very confusing. It was a shift from being at school scared and masking to feeling relaxed and being myself. I had to discover the things I actually liked since I no longer had to hide or go along with any flow.
Did anything change in your circumstances around the time of this change?

 

[Atrapa Almas]

Hello @Silhouette Mirage

I have also evolved a lot over the years, I have become more flexible and understanding. My interest in Fantasy (my way of scaping and self regulating) went down as I gained more controll over my life. I still like fantasy and gaming, but I am more into the real world now. Investing, Soft Skills, Management, Communication, Body language reading, Psycology, Autism... The list goes and goes. And as I learn, I change. That must be conected with having high cappacities, I just need learning stuff.

About NT I have the feeling that they are like liquids. When you put water into a bottle, it takes the shape of the bottle. I have that feeling with NTs and this days also with many autists. If you understand their groups you quite also understand them. Labels just seem to work. Are they into the religious bottle? Into the conservative bottle? Liberalism bottle? Feminism bottle? Nationalism bottle?

So if a NT is in a group that is racist, the NT will be racist too. Its like NT are wired to adapt to groups. And that means that most of them dont have what I consider a personality of their own, they are not connected with themselves but with their groups. If they happen to evolve, they will change their group for a new group. Is the new group very sporty? Congratulations, now the NT will be sporty too.

Who are them? I think they dont even know It. When I have asked them about that they allways feel strange and dont feel confortable thinking on that. Do you want to know how much an NT saves from their income? Ask their group and make the average.

Autists on the other hand are supossed to be as different as snowflakes, but I am not so sure anymore. Its like many of them are build with broken group pieces, like taking a piece of one bottle and adding the piece of another bottle. So its not like an unique snowflake. I am still learning about autism but I am starting to see patterns.

@VictorR wrote about kinds of autists that we may find in an autist community, and made a lot of sense to me. Do we all evolve? I dont know. It seems that some are like Frozen in time, repeating the same patterns over and over. Is that from their Autism? Is that from Trauma?

I am learning more about trauma and some of the autism common "traits" seems like too simmilar to trauma "traits" that can also be found in abused people.

Its a complex and interesting topic, thanks for putting it onto the table. Im curious on what others think about this.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I had little interest in music previously, now i'm getting obsessed with it, still cannot play an instrument.

 

[Aspychata]

I think there are many reasons why we change. We have more options or choices of interests now with the internet. We mature, and our interests change. We have emerging ideas about things, and our interests shift. Like l would have never expected to be at a any forum, but this forum is great.

We have different jobs, that exposes us to different ideas again. And even relationships can take us on more journeys and shift our perspective so that we may suddenly be consumed on searching out books on psychology or cooking. We are in constant change, we do evolve. Some cultures believe that we go through many karma lessons to become more evolved as spiritual people.

 

[Judge]

Sure.

Hated classical and jazz music as a child, but came to appreciate it as an adult.

Was an avid computer gamer more than 20 years ago, until I went to work for a computer gaming publisher/developer. Learned all about the underside of the business, which soured me on gaming in general.

Came to love the movie "The Big Chill", as it's about a peculiar rite of passage. That it's ok to change, and grow up.

But I still loathe cow's milk. Thank goodness for vanilla flavored almond milk.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

The greatest change that happened to me was when I was 25. I was socially and sexually isolated before then, and with my first research position and living independently and had become seriously lonely as I wanted a relationship as I saw others in them and they seemed far more centered than I. I started by embracing my interests, in geology, in outdoor recreation while at the same time convincing myself that I was unique and valuable (easier done with some research success) and reading about social communication. I started involvement with outings groups and burrowed my way in, though I was still shy. Then in a year had my first date ever, and after that a relationship that did not last too long (incompatibility). I was still very inexperienced with women. At 28 and still a virgin I met my future spouse and I fell in love as she was so accepting of me. In three years I went from severe isolation and loneliness to an involved and satisfying life all without knowing I was ASD.

 

[Slime_Punk]

I had little interest in music previously, now i'm getting obsessed with it, still cannot play an instrument.

I always have to challenge this one! Can you technically play the instrument, but not as good as you'd like to? Or do you mean that you literally can't get sound out of it?

I have a few instruments in my collection that I can technically get sound out of (like the didgeridoo), but can't do all of the cool circular-breathing and vowel breaths with it. But technically I can still play it!

 

[Thinx]

I have at times made conscious decisions to change, mainly when younger. Then carried out my decision, apparently. But I did not know about autism then. I have subsequently realised there are things I cant do or change, or am oblivious to, do not have that capacity. Also technically, I can play the guitar. And sing. But it doesn't bring joy to others...

 

[Luca]

Yes!!!

Most of my special interests have not changed, although I’ve developed new ones.

But I almost refuse to believe that I’m the literal same person I was 5 to 15 years ago. I was so weird and cringey and everyone hated me. I’m sure some of it is masking and some of it is just “I learned my lesson,” and a lot of it is a trauma response too, but I also feel like a different being.

I’m now able to get along with many different types of people, I don’t really struggle socially, and people generally find me “quirky” and funny instead of weird or off-putting (but I will admit that there are still people who find me VERY off-putting sometimes lol, it really depends on the personality) and most people say that they find me fun to be around.
(But no one person is going to be beloved by *everyone.* I remind myself of that a lot. It’s okay for some people not to like me, and it’s okay for me to dislike people too.)

I have also matured A LOT. I’m definitely not a shining example of a mature 28 year old, at all, but I have matured a lot emotionally, and in terms of work ethic and being goal-oriented and able to succeed.

 

[Ronald Zeeman]

I always have to challenge this one! Can you technically play the instrument, but not as good as you'd like to? Or do you mean that you literally can't get sound out of it?

I have a few instruments in my collection that I can technically get sound out of (like the didgeridoo), but can't do all of the cool circular-breathing and vowel breaths with it. But technically I can still play it!

My wife bought me a guitar years ago being ambidextrous, I had no idea how to hold it upside down and backwards. would have been nice if first lesson on DVD had given instructions on how to hold it. due to lack of feeling in my fingers due to stroke got frustrated. gave instrument to my son on loan he is a base player. unfortunately being an Aspie if there is more than one way of doing something, we will find the way no one else thought of. This is why multiple choice tests do not work well with us . I drove the therapist in the hospital nuts she could not get used to asking me questions and not getting the answers she expected. she had to take my wife for a walk. to see if this was normal obviously I did not have a NT mind. I took piano lessons 50 years ago so I can read music at a very rudimentary level. I have no idea which instrument I would be good at playing have unusually steady hands, maybe drumming?

 

[Slime_Punk]

My wife bought me a guitar years ago being ambidextrous, I had no idea how to hold it upside down and backwards. would have been nice if first lesson on DVD had given instructions on how to hold it. due to lack of feeling in my fingers due to stroke got frustrated. gave instrument to my son on loan he is a base player. unfortunately being an Aspie if there is more than one way of doing something, we will find the way no one else thought of. This is why multiple choice tests do not work well with us . I drove the therapist in the hospital nuts she could not get used to asking me questions and not getting the answers she expected. she had to take my wife for a walk. to see if this was normal obviously I did not have a NT mind. I took piano lessons 50 years ago so I can read music at a very rudimentary level. I have no idea which instrument I would be good at playing have unusually steady hands, maybe drumming?

There seems to be a strong correlation between drumming and ND. Drums were my first love because focusing on rhythm was always much easier than trying to learn chords, even if at first it seems like you're doing a lot of new things at the same time. Would highly recommend, and there are so many types to choose from!

Also, the guy isn't autistic but The Flashbulb (a semi-popular musician) taught himself how to play guitar completely upside-down due to his left-handedness, which always seemed so cool to me. I'm fairly certain he reads music like normal and can do all of the usual things, all the while playing a right-handed guitar upside-down. It can definitely be done in many different ways, and with the right amount of confidence nobody will be the wiser!

 

[Rodafina]

There seems to be a strong correlation between drumming and ND.

Interesting, if there a connection. My love has been West African hand drumming. I took lessons for several years and played with a group, but between moving and the expense of constant lessons, I have fallen out of practice. It is one of the very few things in life that I truly prefer to do with a group. Drumming with a group is one of the most interesting experiences I’ve had in life.

Here she is. My old friend:

 

[Rodafina]

I have no idea which instrument I would be good at playing have unusually steady hands, maybe drumming?

History of The Djembe

History of The Djembe and African Drums. Oral teaching from the masters, the great teachers of djembe and Mande music. Alan Tauber.

www.drumconnection.com

This happens to be the place that I learned at about 15 years ago. It’s based in Boston Massachusetts, in the USA, but I think there’s lots of places like it around - shops or community organizations that offer drumming classes and sometimes even free drum circles for more informal playing.

Not trying to convince you either way, but I do think drumming is pretty awesome.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Interesting, if there a connection. My love has been West African hand drumming. I took lessons for several years and played with a group, but between moving and the expense of constant lessons, I have fallen out of practice. It is one of the very few things in life that I truly prefer to do with a group. Drumming with a group is one of the most interesting experiences I’ve had in life.

Here she is. My old friend:
View attachment 84081

That is so cool! I've got two of them as well and they're probably the most fun thing to just pull out for jams, because everyone needs a drummer on the go! The only times I've ever live-gigged were as a backup djembe drummer and I loved it every time!

 

[Fino]

I've been many different people in my life. I have no idea who I am. Interests, sociability, anxiety and depression levels, aggression levels, word choice, goals, empathy, political, social, and personal opinions--everything wavers drastically, often in huge, sudden shifts, as you describe.

The greatest change that happened to me was when I was 25. I was socially and sexually isolated before then, and with my first research position and living independently and had become seriously lonely as I wanted a relationship as I saw others in them and they seemed far more centered than I. I started by embracing my interests, in geology, in outdoor recreation while at the same time convincing myself that I was unique and valuable (easier done with some research success) and reading about social communication. I started involvement with outings groups and burrowed my way in, though I was still shy. Then in a year had my first date ever, and after that a relationship that did not last too long (incompatibility). I was still very inexperienced with women. At 28 and still a virgin I met my future spouse and I fell in love as she was so accepting of me. In three years I went from severe isolation and loneliness to an involved and satisfying life all without knowing I was ASD.

You've used the phrase "sexually isolated" many times on this forum, and I've always wondered what that meant.

 

[Rodafina]

That is so cool! I've got two of them as well and they're probably the most fun thing to just pull out for jams, because everyone needs a drummer on the go! The only times I've ever live-gigged were as a backup djembe drummer and I loved it every time!

@Ronald Zeeman, It’s very mathematical, too, drumming. I know most music is, but drums seem like they may be particularly appealing to those who enjoy patterns and numbers.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I've been many different people in my life. I have no idea who I am. Interests, sociability, anxiety and depression levels, aggression levels, word choice, goals, empathy, political, social, and personal opinions--everything wavers drastically, often in huge, sudden shifts, as you describe.



You've used the phrase "sexually isolated" many times on this forum, and I've always wondered what that meant.

@Fino Once puberty hit of course an interest in girls developed and, of course I had a curiosity about sex. I haunted the library and came across Kinsey, then M&J so I understood the mechanics, but at the same time was very afraid of girls. I was also unable to understand the nuances of NT dating and their starting to investigate sexuality. Not only did I not possess the skills, I was unable to understand if any girl noticed me. When just talking with the guys and I would mention liking somebody I was treated like I shouldn't have such emotions. Then some of those who were sexually active would regale me with their exploits, leaving me feeling damaged as a few of them were manipulative jerks and I could never get any girls attention that they found so easy to do. I wondered at my feelings and felt completely cut off from even knowing a girl as a friend and having some innocent exploration. This continued through college and grad school and into the start of my work in Cancer research, and where I felt isolated before, I now felt lonely, inexperienced with women, and could not face rejection. That is what I mean, an interest in intimacy without the social maturity to do anything about it. I started having misogynistic thoughts when I felt that I was worthwhile and had future potential and I did not see any woman interested in that. I needed to change: my attitude, my behavior, my life.

 

[Slime_Punk]

That is what I mean, an interest in intimacy without the social maturity to do anything about it.

I know what this is like. Getting past the crippling self-doubt is something I'd never want to have to do again. It seems to be pretty common in those with ASD, especially males.