Ever had a problem with horrible women?

[Misty Avich]

Through subtext, I have been accused of being a transphobe, homophobe, and groomer on public forums. Yikes!

Wow, a groomer? That's an insult to you! I'm sorry you got accused as that as well as -phobe.

 

[Jonn]

Mean girling, 'mean girls' with only one side of a story isn't fair or right. It is repeating the action one is venting about. The whole pot calling the kettle black. It is a universal human reaction.

Perhaps someone should start a "Mean boyz" thread?

Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't most trolls on the internet boyz/men.
I thought everyone believed this.

 

[Jonn]

Wow, a groomer? That's an insult to you! I'm sorry you got accused as that as well as -phobe.

It is a serious attempt at character assassination, yes.

 

[Misty Avich]

It is a serious attempt at character assassination, yes.

My reputation has been assassinated so bad that I even question my own self and doubt any good qualities I thought I had.

 

[Jonn]

How to Deal With Mean Girls in Adulthood

Sometimes mean girls grow up to be mean women. Learn how to deal with mean girls in adulthood and stop bullying.

www.verywellfamily.com

Adult Mean Girl Behavior​

What most people refer to as "mean girl behavior" is really relational aggression, which is a specific type of bullying designed to harm the social relationships and status of an individual. Essentially, people who engage in relational aggression aim to make you look bad to others.

From the article you presented.

I have had valued friendships destroyed by mean PEOPLE, not just mean gurlz.
It caused me to go through an angry period that lasted a year.
I am over it and have moved on.

 

[Jonn]

My reputation has been assassinated so bad that I even question my own self and doubt any good qualities I thought I had.

I have been there too.
Thankfully, it made me more emotionally resilient, and I can now chuckle at the immaturity of some ppl.
Some ppl can embrace Nietzche's "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger", and some can't, I guess. <shrug>

 

[Jonn]

Although it can be referred to as "mean girl" behavior, relational aggression is not restricted to girls and women. Anyone can participate in this type of bullying. The motivation for this behavior can be anything from jealousy to the desire for popularity and power.

How to Deal With Mean Girls in Adulthood

Sometimes mean girls grow up to be mean women. Learn how to deal with mean girls in adulthood and stop bullying.

www.verywellfamily.com

True dat.
It fits in well with the "Bullying" thread I created yonks ago.

 

[Twilight]

I always make it a point to report cyberbullying, including slander, when it occurs, so the person can’t do it to someone else on that platform.

The good news is that when people make accusations and there's not sufficient evidence to prove it nothing will happen. In my experience, people only get warnings and bans when there is clear proof of misbehavior. They aren't just banning people for no reason, so one doesn’t need to worry about false accusations/slander from that standpoint. Quite often, people who are banned/given time-outs have received numerous warnings and temporary bans already. It's not like permanent bans are coming out of left field and for no good reason.

There’s some comfort to be found in that. Of course, it doesn’t mean that slander and false accusations shouldn’t be reported and properly dealt with. As I’ve already stated, I report cyberbullying, in its various forms, whenever it occurs.

 

[All-Rounder]

It's hard to decipher whether someone's behaviour is just jealousy or if they're like it because they're the opposite of jealous.

When I was at high school (towards the end) I found myself a best friend who I could actually tell was jealous of me. She would criticise my choices, for example would go on at me to spend my money I was trying to save up, probably because she was jealous that I had more money than she did (she came from a bigger family so I don't think her parents gave her much pocket money). She also kept on and on at me to wear make-up and said it would make me look pretty. While at the time it felt like an insult, looking back I actually think that she was insecure about her looks and relied on make-up to feel better and felt jealous of me for having the confidence to go out without make-up every day and still look pretty.
She also wanted to control me but I wouldn't let her. I don't like being controlled unless I consent to it.

I also got bullied by "friends" who were from foster homes, because it seems they were jealous at how stable and secure I was with my family.
And I think my experience I had on other internet forums (being subtly bullied by other women) was due to them coming from dysfunctional families or a lifetime of abuse and seeing how simple and loving my life is/was (the ones that were nasty towards me all had alcohol and drug addiction to some degree and had been abused a lot and seem to have narcissistic parents that hated them, etc). I felt sympathetic at first but because they couldn't cope with how "perfect" my life was compared to their's they started turning on me, manipulating, accusing and shaming me with words ending in -ist and -phobe, expecting me to continue feeling sympathy for them (which I no longer had the energy for after that) and probably wanting to bring me down with them.
I can be very sympathetic towards people who have had a rough time but when it comes to grown adults trying to take their insecurities out on me I find I need to put myself first and not to let myself be dragged down with them (this is a skill that has taken me a long time to learn, as before I just let people treat me how they wanted because I thought they needed someone to be their punchbag. Now I refuse to be anybody's punchbag).

I can get jealous of people but I try not to show it. Only once I have shown it, when I was an immature teenager, because I was in a frustrated state of depression and social isolation, but I apologised afterwards and told them that envy had got the better of me.

Women around my block are jealous that I have nice second hand clothes, but also men! Why would men be jealous if you seem to be more well-off than they are? Because they like to treat me like trash so they'd like me to look like trash so that it makes sense that I'm inferior and to be easily dominated.

Women and men have called me rich lol, and I'm prolly doing the worst in the neighborhood. But they have also tried to pick on my clothing and what I wear, and some got politically offended over it. My mother especially tried to control me to the point I felt like a barbie doll she would dress and I told her but she would never stop, making me cry every day about it.

 

[All-Rounder]

Tbh, it feels so good to be taken care of sometimes, but I have never had my nails done in a salon, I used to change their color daily in high school but was a huge effort to match them with each outfit and I had a collection of nail polish. For an autistic girl these minimalistic "old chinese man" task things like makeup and polish were very exhausting, the focus on not doing anything wrong.

I have seen nails that are just glued at home that come in a pack with glue. Might try them but for me long nails have always been so annoying, because it makes handling things and motor control worse, then dealing with the nail being stained or ruined under them and uncomfortable.

However on many days, fine long hair can be a lot to deal with, due to the nature of it (like u mentioned, I also have hormonal issues and pill treatment doesn't do everything, I have topical stuff I actually found by myself or through Google because it was never suggested to me by my medic). It oils up faster because it's more dense and each follicle has a sebaceous gland, and also it is the only hair type which gets washed on the inside too, which means the pressure on the neck while doing it alone is a lot, and especially when I bathed I tried to rise my head up with the sunken hair and it felt like pulling a planet behind me, going against the force field of gravity.

Drying fine hair takes more heat and time, burning it takes less because it is fine, and the oiliness contributes to it becoming more fine. It's a vicious cycle, and having it washed, treated and cared for in a salon is lifesaving, especially due to my executive dysfunction and limited energy spoons. I also have to do my own shopping and I don't have a car, cooking and I'm on a medical diet and treatment, so most of the time I'm exhausted.

 

[All-Rounder]

Perhaps someone should start a "Mean boyz" thread?

Correct me if I am wrong, but aren't most trolls on the internet boyz/men.
I thought everyone believed this.

Let's not get political about this thread lol.

 

[MNAus]

My recipe for success:
- Avoid social media. Every autistic person is different, but for me social media is the lord of the flies on steroids. All the nasty social jostling stuff in real life with extra sharp claws and knives. I won't win. I don't even want to win. So avoid. It pokes up here sometimes, rarely thankfully, but I just lose interest. It's not in my toolkit.
- Defuse immediately. That doesn't mean back down, or be meek. But I just walk out of the conversation. IRL or online if it starts to get into that whole space I just stop talking or posting and leave. Not an angry storming out, but IRL just a "sorry, I need to go. Have a good one" and leave.
- Never, ever try to play the game. I've lost jobs on this. And yes, 9/10 it's females who have the sharp social mind to do this stuff well. So I think "I can play politics too" and come across as a weirdo.

 

[Misty Avich]

I've never had many issues with bullying on Facebook, only sometimes when publicly commenting on a meme and someone who doesn't agree with my view just bluntly calls me a horrible name (this is not politic-related). I feel embarrassed more than anything else. I hate direct personal attacks from strangers, both online and offline, as I find them humiliating. But they can be deleted on Facebook. I always do. I don't know if it's only deleted for me and people in my friends list but not for the bully, but that doesn't matter as long as I can no longer see it.

 

[Twilight]

And yes, 9/10 it's females who have the sharp social mind to do this stuff well.

Is the "9/10" based on actual evidence or research? Based on my personal experience and observation, men are just as likely to engage in this behavior as women are.

 

[All-Rounder]

In news that will come as no surprise to any woman who has ever used the internet, a study has found that men are more likely to be trolls and online bullies.

What’s more, this may be because they’re more narcissistic.

There are two main ways in which people use social media - in the case of this study, Facebook. Some are prosocial, looking to build relationships and connect with others in a positive way. Others are antisocial, seeking attention online and trolling.

​

Researchers from Brunel University and Goldsmiths, University of London have found that men are more likely than women to use Facebook with antisocial motives.


To reach their conclusions, 573 US adults were sent an online survey asking them to rate themselves on a 13-point narcissistic personality scale. They were also asked about their motives for using Facebook.

Examples of antisocial behaviour included statements saying “I use Facebook to make people feel jealous,” “I use Facebook to be mean to people” and “I use Facebook to post sexy pictures of myself.”

Statements demonstrating prosocial behaviour included “I use Facebook 'like' and 'comment' functions to show support for others,” “I use Facebook to communicate with people I do not often see” and “I use Facebook to see what other people are up to.”

Results revealed that men reported more antisocial motives for using Facebook than women, which was put down to their greater narcissism.


Women reported more prosocial motives, which was explained by their more relational self-construal.


According to Brunel, this is the first study to find a link between narcissism and trolling.

“We were interested to study this area after we ourselves were trolled online in response to some of our previously published research,” explains Goldsmiths co-author Dr. Nelli Ferenczi. “This made us wonder if men are more likely to troll then women, and why.”

​

Of course, women can still be nasty online, but it’s rarer.

Why does narcissism lead to trolling though?

“People with narcissistic tendencies may behave in hostile ways as a response to comments they perceive are negative,” Ferenczi explains. “They may also behave in hostile ways because they are prone to aggression and manipulative behaviour.


“Underlying a hostile action might be the intent to re-establish power and self-esteem. Finally, some research indicates that narcissism is linked with a drive for negative social influence and power which may also explain in part the attraction of hostile attention.”


---

I'm glad I'm not on Facebook anymore. Some communities are majorly female toxic, it depends on the website. Unless they're catfishing, online it can be hard to tell gender, especially for troll accounts.

 

[Outdated]

To reach their conclusions, 573 US adults were sent an online survey asking them to rate themselves on a 13-point narcissistic personality scale. They were also asked about their motives for using Facebook.

Although all the findings pretty much fit with my experience it's concerning that someone would publish conclusions for such a complex issue using such a small sample of the population.

 

[Twilight]

573 people is not too bad. Self reported surveys are not ideal, but it's better than case studies or smaller sample sizes (ones with less than 300 people).

Why does the misperception exist that women are more likely to exhibit "mean girl" behavior (relational aggression) than males?

I suspect it's related to societal expectations when it comes to female behavior. Sometimes people call certain songs by female musicians "angry girl music." They don't make the same distinction for male musicians.

 

[Outdated]

Although generalised there are differences between men and women in the way they communicate and interact socially. A woman I worked with many years ago commented about it.

She and her partner both worked in the same place. Although she had no intention of doing anything about it she found me attractive and her partner noticed and got jealous. I had no intention of sticking my nose in to that sort of can of worms either but the result was a lot of banter and humourous insults being thrown back and forth at each other while we worked. That relieved a lot of tension and we worked really well together.

One time the woman asked me about that banter and name calling, she said she was jealous because whenever women tried to banter and rib each other like that it always ended in someone taking it the wrong way and then a fight would start.

I told her that men do this to relieve tension and prevent things from escalating in to a fight. She asked what I mean and I told her that he noticed she was attracted to me and he was jealous. She said it was true but she was very embarrassed because she thought she'd kept it all to herself and no one had noticed.

 

[Magna]

573 people is not too bad. Self reported surveys are not ideal, but it's better than case studies or smaller sample sizes (ones with less than 300 people).

Why does the misperception exist that women are more likely to exhibit "mean girl" behavior (relational aggression) than males?

I suspect it's related to societal expectations when it comes to female behavior. Sometimes people call certain songs by female musicians "angry girl music." They don't make the same distinction for male musicians.

I can only speak from personal experience from working full time with close to 30 years of that being in office related positions and about 15 years of that in management. There absolutely is a significantly different dynamic between how men in the workplace work with other men and how women in a workplace work with other women.

I can't think of a time in my entire working career where men exhibited the following behaviors toward other male coworkers: Purposeful exclusion, gossip behind their back on a frequent basis, deliberately hurtful in one's remarks to the other, frequent complaints to management about interacting with another female coworker. Perhaps there are exceptions, but men don't exhibit those kinds of behaviors as a rule; and exceptions to do not negate a rule.

In my experience if a man doesn't "gel" or get along with the other men in his workplace, if he decides to continue to work there he generally goes about his business, he accepts that he doesn't "click" with his male coworkers and it's not really a big deal to him. Again in general, I don't believe men have an extremely strong urge or need to be accepted by his male peers.

However, again in my experience, if a woman doesn't "gel" or get along with the other women in her workplace, if she decides to continue to work there most often it affects her greatly. It's a big deal to her if she can't get along with her female coworkers. To the point (and this happened in one of my workplaces), that she may decide to no longer work there and end up quitting. Quit why? "Mean girl" behavior from the other women in the workplace.

I keep saying "generally" with my statements on this subject. I fully accept that there are exceptions to this rule in both cases. However, a burgeoning and dangerous problem in our society in general that bears repeating is the foregone but incorrect conclusion that the exceptions negate the rule when they absolutely do not. Generalities exist and as the norm are most relevant.

 

[Twilight]

Personal experience and observation (anecdotal evidence) are going to be too narrow to say anything about gender when it comes to the general population. People are also susceptible to confirmation bias. What they see or think they see may not be an actual representation of how things really are.