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Does it sound like I have Aspergers?

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by ILoveTacoBell24, Aug 22, 2019.

  1. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Hi! I'm 24 years old, female. I've been to several psychologists and doctors looking for an answer and they either tell me they've never heard of my symptoms before, or they disagree on diagnoses. Sorry if this seems all over the place!
    Since I was a baby, I've always had little repetitive behaviors. My earliest repetitive behavior was folding my ear cartilage inside my ear canal. There's even a sonogram of me that my mom saw with my hand over my ear (so she assumes I was probably folding my ear inside before I was born!) At 24, I still fold my cold ears inside my ear canal...and I do it for hours at a time while driving, while bored, while stressed, while watching tv. It feels good, and I feel like I kind of need to do it. If I'm not playing with my ears, I'm playing with my Chihuahua's ears in between my fingers (if his ears are cold). I do this with my husband's ears sometimes too, lol.
    Around 7-9, I developed a few more repetitive behaviors- pressing my bottom lip over my teeth with my finger and rubbing back and forth for hours, sticking my bottom jaw out and to the side and rubbing my back gums together back and forth, and squeezing my eyes shut as tightly as possible over and over again and I chronically have little coughs all day long, unrelated to any sickness. Again, at 24, I still do all of these things (mainly squeezing my eyes shut repeatedly as hard as I can, and rubbing my bottom lip into my bottom teeth and coughing).

    At 8, I washed my hands to the point of being raw sometimes. I also would refuse to go poop, so I'd accidentally poop in my pants after trying to hold it. My mom said I looked sad often, and upon asking me why I was sad, I would always say, "I'm not sad."

    I've always felt "different." In fact, in 9th grade, I felt so different that I coped by telling myself that I'm just an alien and I'll get secret super powers soon (like Clark Kent in Smallville), and that's why I'm so different from everyone. (It wasn't really a delusion; it was more of a coping mechanism that I convinced myself of).

    Sometimes I don't understand conversations... I normally just nod my head and mimic their facial expressions because I lose track of how they got to that topic, and I also often don't care what they're talking about. If they said something like, "So I wrote her off", I literally would picture and think that he was writing her name down on a piece of paper. Once I learn the expression tho, it eventually clicks. Like, I've understood "it's raining cats and dogs" since the first time I was told the meaning of it as a little kid.

    In middle school, all my friends started going along with the fads, and I refused to go with what was popular. To this day, if something is highly rated among everyone (like Victoria's Secret, coffee, holey jeans, converses, popular songs, etc) I usually detest them and refuse to be like everyone else. I genuinely don't like those things tho; I'm not just trying to be different.

    I can't tell when people are lying,
    ever. I can't even tell when a kid is lying. I've always assumed people are completely honest, but I'm discovering people lie about the most random things all the time. I'm a good liar, but I am usually an overly honest person.

    I think I am really good at psychoanalyzing people though. I'm often able to tell if someone is depressed when no one else can tell. I'm very good at reading facial expressions, body language, and tones of voices.

    I've had bouts of severe religious OCD for years, severe panic disorder, depression. I also have trouble taking personality tests because I feel like I don't know what I think many times (so problems with identity maybe)? I think I was close to having Borderline PD at one point, but I don't think I have it. (It was during a time I was manipulated and used repeatedly, then rejected, so I naturally had a right to feel this way).

    I always am in a state of derealization even when I'm not anxious at all. It's been like this 24/7 since I was 16.

    I am sensitive to smells- like I cough around cigarette smoke, and I run away to breathe. Part of it is an OCD thing (I'm contaminating my lungs with toxic chemicals) and the other part is it smells so badly and I start itching all inside my sinus cavities. I can also smell when an animal is about to die (like baby kittens that aren't going to make it)...I will know that they aren't going to live and die within a few hours or so.

    I have hearing issues. I can't hear anything if there's any white noise going on. I have to have captions on the tv, and I am constantly looking at people's lips when they talk so I can read their lips. I'm technically in the normal range though during hearing tests.

    Fluorescent lights make me even make brain foggy and derealization-feeling than usual. My memory gets worse than usual when I'm around fluorescent lighting.

    I'm constantly tired all the time. Like extremely tired. For years.

    I am a redhead but everyone calls me a blonde because I have so many "blonde moments." I'm intelligent, but I look so stupid to everyone because I suddenly can't think of the word, "restaurant" while talking to them, or I notice that a pole barn is being built right beside the store I'm working at (weeks after it's standing). I'm clumsy...I trip, walk into the sides of the door entrances often, wake up with bruises often and I can't remember how they got there, lol.

    I have trouble driving because there's so much going on, and I can only seem to notice and focus on what's going on in a tiny tunnel of my vision, lol. (And it has nothing to do with my eyes, 20/20 vision.) I have to remind myself "green means go" and "red means stop" because I truly have trouble remembering each time, and I'm afraid I'll run a stop light.

    When people are telling me how to do something, I nod my head, but I truly don't understand what they're talking about. Life seems so easy for everyone, but everything is so hard for me.

    After a trip at Walmart, I feel completely mentally and emotionally exhausted, depleted, back aching from the stress. I feel numb emotionally, and so brain foggy that it's harder for me to drive. It's like I'll get so mentally exhausted that my judge of distance will be harder.

    Most of my symptoms started in 8th grade tho (besides the repetitive behaviors, and anxiety). Some days, the lightning would look different (and my mom would tell me it was blood sugar)...but then one day, the lighting permanently stayed different (where life feels unreal).

    I developed normally as a baby. I was always at the top of my class in elementary and middle school, but I started actually struggling in high school when I became homeschooled. I couldn't focus EVER. I'd stare at a book and realize I'd been moving my eyes over the same paragraph for an hour and I still didn't understand what I had read.

    Starting in 10th grade, I had religious OCD without realizing it. I thought everyone else just wasn't taking Jesus seriously enough. I read the Bible all day and prayed along day, refused to hang out with family so I could spend time with God. I memorized SO much scripture, I feel comfortable, to this day, debating any pastor on certain theological views.
    My passion before the Bible, was aliens and supernatural stuff. I researched it and talked about it all the time. I even tried seeing if I could heal people and animals, move objects with my mind like I was reading that people could supposedly do online.
    Now my obsession is trying to figure out what is wrong with me! Do I have Aspergers? Is it just OCD and anxiety? Do I have tourttes or tics, or are those Asperger-related repetitive behaviors (stimming), or just slightly abnormal soothing behaviors that everyone secretly does in some form?

    I used to love dressing up in tight fitting clothing and wearing painful heels. But the past couple of years, I ONLY wear jeggings that are stretchy, and lose shirts (where it doesn't touch the armpits cause I perspire so easily and it's uncomfortable). I also can't stand lace on my back or tags as I itch. J

    Thank you for reading this far! If you think I have Aspergers, do you know why it seems like more things are getting worse as I get older? Like, I never used to have difficulty with wearing uncomfortable clothing; now I only wear a few outfits that I find comfy. Aren't sensory issues supposed to be present from childhood?
    Please let me know if this sounds like Aspergers or something else. Thank you!
     
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  2. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor

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    you need to be assessed, the problem is I am not neuro typical ( don't have what some people call normal ????????neurology I'm autistic )so I can't give you a neuro typical point of view ,I know that there are different disorders classed under autism now but are not autism.
     
  3. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Thank you for your response. I have been assessed, and been to different psychologists, and they all give different answers. It mainly comes down to them saying, "I don't know." That's why I'm asking people who actually have Aspergers/Autism if this sounds like what they feel? If not, then maybe it isn't Aspergers?
     
  4. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Some of the things you mention are similiar to me, and others although not things I personally experience, do sound like autistic tendencies/traits. None here can make a diagnosis of course. but for what its worth I would say it's a pretty good chance you are on the spectrum. But I am not surprised about the confusion among doctors. HFA does confuse them and opinions vary greatly. Some think things like if you have a job or are married you can't possibly be autistic, which is ridiculous.

    P.S. Chihuahuas are great!
     
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  5. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Thank you so much for reading all of that, lol, and for your response! Is it possible, though, to develop the sensory issues as a young adult, while not having any sensory issues as a child or teen? It just seems like the older I get as an adult, the more symptoms come out. And to my knowledge, I don't think I've ever had a meltdown or shutdown before? I also don't know if I've ever truly experienced sensory overload. I don't think I have. I do feel mentally and emotionally exhausted after shopping tho...or I would feel that way after college. Idk if that's sensory overload tho or just anxiety.
     
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  6. Streetwise

    Streetwise very cautious contributor

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    what I meant is for you to receive help in certain ways you will need a diagnosis you need to find someone who specialises in autism diagnosis what could be the symptoms of autism can be like a lack of socialisation, that is you weren't socialised when you were very ,very young and the point is you like everybody else won't give us exact very personal details !and we can't diagnose you.
     
  7. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Just so you know, I am not formally diagnosed myself. Just self diagnosed, like quite a few here. But I did not exhibit the classic symptoms of autism as a child either and was reasonably successful in early school. But at the same time I was always somewhat 'different' from everyone else and it became more pronounced by the teen years and I had to put full power to mimicing everyone else so as to pass as normal and not be bullied, etc. Issues continually came up and continue to do so in adulthood, but I have a 'let's find a solution' sort of attitude and so try to deal with them reasonably usually assisted by my wife (who is NT). One thing that did noticably get worse with age were anxiety related issues and I had to go on medication more or less permanently to keep that in check. Anxiety and Autism often go hand in hand. That and depression are very common co-morbid conditions for us.

    P.S. Can you share a Chihuahua picture? :D

    This is my pack. Peanut, Penny, Momo & Molly.

    bat ears.jpg
     
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  8. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    An assessment can conclude, "I don't know"!? :eek:

    I'm in love with the one on the bottom right. :D
     
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  9. Angon

    Angon Joe

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    I think i have Asperger as well, i needed a forum to talk about it..... i have all the symptoms
     
  10. Tom

    Tom Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    That's Momo, she is eldest and somewhat neurotic (even for a Chihuahua) and the only thing she loves more then food is people. :D
     
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  11. Angon

    Angon Joe

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    hahaaha ive had a couple of em, they are actually dobermans, thus their attitude ..
     
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  12. Aspychata

    Aspychata But this is my happy face.....

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    Omg. l had a terrier/Chihuahua mix. This dog would cross a huge street just to go bark at a dog bigger then her. Show her a trick once, she would do it twice. She was so stubborn l had to spray with water to get her to pee on indoor pad. Before u get mad at me, l didn't want her to suffer abuse because she was peeing everywhere. She went to a female owner who l checked later with and was very happy with her. l was headed to divorce land and couldn't keep her.
     
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  13. Angon

    Angon Joe

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    i don't know if this was at tom, or at me, but i understand... im a biker and was attached by a terrier a month ago, and still not healed
     
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  14. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Hi ILoveTacoBell24

    welcome to af.png
     
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  15. Angon

    Angon Joe

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  16. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    I love her toooooooooo :eek::eek::eek:
     
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  17. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Thank you for your response! And your Chihuahuas are adorable!! Here's a pic of my chihuahua, Taco. Yes, he's wearing a diaper. LOL!
     

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  18. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Same! I've done SO much research and I can't ever seem to come out knowing for sure.
     
  19. ILoveTacoBell24

    ILoveTacoBell24 New Member

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    Yep! It's so frustrating. I tested above the normal range but under the Autism range. When the psychologist met my parents, he said, "I don't think you have ASD anymore. I think a lot of it has to do with your environment and upbringing." Lol. He said that because my dad is odd; he has some serious OCPD, and my mom is kind of slow to figure out what's going on, lol. They're much older. They had me at 37 and 42. So they're both in their 60's. But when other psychologists diagnose me as "I'm not sure" or "anxiety and OCD", it doesn't explain everything. I try telling them how I am SERIOUSLY struggling in life with basic tasks but they don't take me seriously.
     
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  20. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Have you ever participated in long-term therapy with a psychologist? Maybe that could eventually lead to the support of the psychologist for a diagnosis.
     
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