Do you stay with your significant other out of obligation or fear of being alone?

[Ylva]

If you had asked me a year ago, I would have said b.ii. A sense of obligation to stay with him, no matter how he treated me.

 

[ksheehan88]

What about loving someone else? Anyone in those obligatory feeling relationships ever loved someone else, but of course you do nothing about it because you are "stuck" so to speak.

 

[Peatsmoke]

Out of love, at least 95%. I used to be terrified of being alone - I stayed with my ex for way longer than I should have, because I just couldn't imagine not having a partner. But now I don't fear being along in the same way; I can imagine being single, and it doesn't terrify me - but I also know that without my girlfriend, I would be really sad a lot of the time.

She's really unusual; I can't imagine ever meeting anyone like her again, and actually I sometimes can't believe that I did meet her! And then I have to poke her to make sure she's not an imaginary friend, at which point she usually hits me (er, in an affectionate way, of course). When we first met (as friends in a houseshare), we spent hours most nights talking about life in general and our lives in particular... we never bothered with smalltalk. We had one of those intense Aspie friendships, which (eventually!) turned into romance. After being together for 13 years (wow! I am old!), it's pretty clear that we understand each other really well, and we're spookily compatible, and we're really good at supporting each other and recognising each other's moods; we can often read each other's thoughts, and we know when we need time alone, or we need to be not touched, or the opposite - we really need to be touched, and if we're not, we get upset - a kind of sensory addiction. In fact, you could probably say we're addicted to each other in general... quite scary, I suppose, but maybe that's one kind of love.

 

[ksheehan88]

Out of love, at least 95%. I used to be terrified of being alone - I stayed with my ex for way longer than I should have, because I just couldn't imagine not having a partner. But now I don't fear being along in the same way; I can imagine being single, and it doesn't terrify me - but I also know that without my girlfriend, I would be really sad a lot of the time.

She's really unusual; I can't imagine ever meeting anyone like her again, and actually I sometimes can't believe that I did meet her! And then I have to poke her to make sure she's not an imaginary friend, at which point she usually hits me (er, in an affectionate way, of course). When we first met (as friends in a houseshare), we spent hours most nights talking about life in general and our lives in particular... we never bothered with smalltalk. We had one of those intense Aspie friendships, which (eventually!) turned into romance. After being together for 13 years (wow! I am old!), it's pretty clear that we understand each other really well, and we're spookily compatible, and we're really good at supporting each other and recognising each other's moods; we can often read each other's thoughts, and we know when we need time alone, or we need to be not touched, or the opposite - we really need to be touched, and if we're not, we get upset - a kind of sensory addiction. In fact, you could probably say we're addicted to each other in general... quite scary, I suppose, but maybe that's one kind of love.

That's a really lovely thing to read

 

[Peatsmoke]

That's a really lovely thing to read

Why, thank you!

 

[Peatsmoke]

What about loving someone else? Anyone in those obligatory feeling relationships ever loved someone else, but of course you do nothing about it because you are "stuck" so to speak.

If you don't mind me asking: are you asking about this because you really do love someone else, or because you're just wondering what would happen if you were?

Anyway - I don't have any firsthand experience of this... but I know somebody who was stuck in one of those obligatory relationships for years, and then finally fell in love with someone else. It gave her the kick (or the confidence?) she needed to end the obligatory relationship. They didn't have kids to worry about, though. And it definitely wasn't easy for her; the "obligatory" husband accused her of betraying him, and she felt really guilty, even though she hadn't had sex with the new guy at the time. But it all ended happily (at least for her and the new guy - no idea what happened with the ex-husband...)

 

[ksheehan88]

Out of love, at least 95%. I used to be terrified of being alone - I stayed with my ex for way longer than I should have, because I just couldn't imagine not having a partner. But now I don't fear being along in the same way; I can imagine being single, and it doesn't terrify me - but I also know that without my girlfriend, I would be really sad a lot of the time.

She's really unusual; I can't imagine ever meeting anyone like her again, and actually I sometimes can't believe that I did meet her! And then I have to poke her to make sure she's not an imaginary friend, at which point she usually hits me (er, in an affectionate way, of course). When we first met (as friends in a houseshare), we spent hours most nights talking about life in general and our lives in particular... we never bothered with smalltalk. We had one of those intense Aspie friendships, which (eventually!) turned into romance. After being together for 13 years (wow! I am old!), it's pretty clear that we understand each other really well, and we're spookily compatible, and we're really good at supporting each other and recognising each other's moods; we can often read each other's thoughts, and we know when we need time alone, or we need to be not touched, or the opposite - we really need to be touched, and if we're not, we get upset - a kind of sensory addiction. In fact, you could probably say we're addicted to each other in general... quite scary, I suppose, but maybe that's one kind of love.

I will reply via PM if that is ok

 

[George Newman]

For me, it's a mix of all three.

 

[garnetflower13]

It's a mix of all three for me, too. Like others here have said, I could imagine being alone, but it would tear my heart out to be away from my love. We are both Aspie, and we have a truly awesome connection. Often reading each others thoughts, having our little rituals together, and dreaming the same dreams. Sometimes I fear that I am getting so blase about it all, only to find that I am falling in love all over again, and he feels the same. I would hate to have to try and date someone else and if we ever parted I would most likely stay single.

 

[CyborgSpaceKitten]

I'd say A. Out of love. I adore and love my boyfriend. He's broken my trust a few times which is hard for me to forget, and I know I broke his trust by not telling him I was back on drugs when I was before rehab, but we always work things out, and I love him more than I have loved anyone else. He is so supportive of the fact that I'm just getting out of an abusive relationship and treats me like a princess. We care about each other above all else, and that's what matters