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Do you stay with your significant other out of obligation or fear of being alone?

Aspiegirl75

Active Member
I think the title says it all.
Realistically speaking, why are you in the relationship you're in?
a. Out of love. (Please explain)
b. Out of obligation. (Maybe for your kids or you've been together for a long time and it's just not fair to them to leave?)
c. For fear of being alone. (You don't think you can manage on your own or you've been depending on them for too long or you just fear you won't find anyone else?)
 
I'd have to say a mix of all three. Plus the hopes that one day we'll be able to straighten out our problems.

Oh and the thought of dating again, ugh, no thanks.
 
A) I can't explain the concept of caring for another person. Many writers and poets and painters through the ages have attempted it.

I like what Neruda wrote:

But
if each day,
each hour,
you feel that you are destined for me
with implacable sweetness,
if each day a flower
climbs up to your lips to seek me,
ah my love, ah my own,
in me all that fire is repeated,
in me nothing is extinguished or forgotten,
my love feeds on your love, beloved,
and as long as you live it will be in your arms
without leaving mine.
Pablo Neruda
 
Love, the only reason I'd stay. If that wasn't working for us then I'd move to an intentional community and raise goats (I really like goats). I do have a fear of being alone but that's not why I stay.
 
I stay with Kelly because I love her. She is my best friend; if I didn't have her I'd be floundering around like a ship lost in a hurricane. Plus she is a much better cook than I am. Score.
 
Out of love: yes. I would not conceive at this point, in my life, to be with someone if love had nothing to do with it. I would rather be alone. I do love him.
Out of obligation: unfortunately I have to say yes. We own a house together, but I will not elaborate.
For fear of being alone: no. It would tear me appart, loosing him, but not for fear of being alone.
 
All three.

In wild frames of mind I think sometimes I could be living wild and free, but the truth is I'd be lonely and finding rubbish to fill the hole inside.

Im not aware of a hole while I'm with my wife.

I think alcoholics call it the God hole, which you're always trying to fill. Paul Hedderman says the truth is that the hole is where love (God) comes out.

I think he's right.

This song fits mywife and I.

Example.

You want me to come over I got an excuse
Might be holding your hand, but I'm holding it loose
Go to talk then we choke its like our necks in a noose
Avoid the obvious we should be facing the truth

Start to think it could be fizzling out
Kinda shocked because I never really had any doubts
Look into your eyes imagine life with out ya

And the love kick starts again
Starts again

And the Love kick starts again
Starts again

Its the same old you the same old me
You get bored and I get cold feet
Get high get wandering eyes
Forget I've never ever had it so sweet
I realize what I got when I'm out of town
Cause deep down you're my girl in a golden crown
My princess and I don't wanna let you down
No I don't wanna let you down down down down
 
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The hardest thing for me was finding out what love meant for me.

It's not want Disney shows you.
Not any love song.
Most movie love in wrong.

"what you call love was invented by guys like me to sell nylons" - mad Men.

"Love is just what you find it to be, where you find it" - Full Steam.
 
A and C. I love @VenomousAlbino, but I couldn't really explain it. He's the only person I've ever been in a relationship with and I couldn't even begin to imagine my life without him. We've been together for 10.5 years and I do rely on him for help with things that I'm not so good at, the same as he does with me for things he's not so good at.

I wouldn't know how to live on my own, and I don't think I could actually cope living alone. I wouldn't say obligation though, as we have no kids (and don't want any) and in all honesty, if I was only with him through some feeling of being obligated...I would leave. I realise I said I probably wouldn't cope alone, but I'd take that over staying with someone just because I felt obligated to.
 
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Out of love, of course. I feel really great around him and he's the only person I never get tired of being around of, wich is great since he's supposed to be a life partner. He's understanding and accepting of my differences, though he would never accept the ''A'' word without a diagnosis. Also he's slowly becoming vegan thanks to me, wich makes me love him even more.

Also without him I'd probably wouldn't grow that much. I need him to push me foward even though it hurts me when he does. I'd probably just sit on my ass all day without him (though I still do but a bit less), so I guess I'm also with him out of obligation, as I know he makes me a better person and that I need him.
 
My wife and I deeply love each other and that is why we have been together all these years. At this stage of our lives, we really need each other. No one our age should live alone.

I am socially inept and have spent a lot of time alone, but no one wants to live alone. It would kill me if I could not be with my wife.
 
Wow!! Look at you guys! And yet according to popular opinion 'Aspies aren't capable of love', at least in the traditional sense!
I find all your answers interesting, this has been on mind for a while, so thank you.
 
All three.

A. I do love him and don't want to hurt him, I just don't love him in that way anymore.
B. We have three children together.
C. I've never had to deal with the kids or finances by myself, so I'm pretty sure everything would collapse without him.
 
All three.

A. I do love him and don't want to hurt him, I just don't love him in that way anymore.
B. We have three children together.
C. I've never had to deal with the kids or finances by myself, so I'm pretty sure everything would collapse without him.
I could have written this, down to the number of children!
I just did not have the guts to admit (a) in writing, I guess.
 
I could have written this, down to the number of children!
I just did not have the guts to admit (a) in writing, I guess.
It is tough to realise something like that and then accept it, even to yourself. I still don't have the courage to do anything other than what I always do. I'm set in my ways, our life goes on as normal, I just keep it to myself.
 
It is tough to realise something like that and then accept it, even to yourself. I still don't have the courage to do anything other than what I always do. I'm set in my ways, our life goes on as normal, I just keep it to myself.
Thank you very much for sharing this! It's been years and years for me and now that I'm getting older, I really don't know how much longer I can 'play house' or pretend for his sake, you know? I wish we could just be roommates, but that could never happen.
 
a. Love. We adore each other and are a good fit. We do differ on religion and politics, but are otherwise compatible in every way. We've been together 12 years, we've both benefited from each other, and can't imagine being separate.
 
I'm with my current boyfriend because I love him to bits and being around him just makes me happy. Most of the times :p I honestly cannot imagine a life without him. Well, I can, but it's sad and therefore I don't want to. He's the one person with which I can think about the future without freaking out. I don't know exactly what our future will look like, but I feel like there is a future for us.

With my ex, different story. We stayed together way longer than we should. I had wanted to break up with him for a long time, but one of the main reasons I kept postponing the break-up was that I really dreaded the hassle of dividing up our goods and figuring out who had to move out and who would get custody of the cats and the consoles. I had hoped if I waited long enough the relationship would magically turn into sexless friendship.
Another reason I was with him for way too long was out of obligation/fear: he told me I was the only good thing in his life and he wouldn't be responsible for what happened if I left him. I was scared he would hurt himself. I broke up with him, he did hurt himself. I felt really guilty and took him back, so I could take care of him. Then broke up with him again because fear is not a good reason to be together. Then he stalked me until he got a new girlfriend. My personal lesson was not to drag out a breakup, ever.
 
Mostly out of obligation, unfortunately. At this point I hope that our counseling sessions will lead to us being able to part ways as amicably as possible. I am strongly of the belief that getting married was a mistake for me. Ultimately, I want what is best for my children.
 
I used to be with others out of a fear of being alone, and because I thought I could never do any better. Also, because my relationships tended to be long lasting I always felt I had to stay because they invested so much time in me, and I didn't want to waste that. xD

Now I'm with someone I love dearly, there's no sense of fear or obligation, just love and wanting to make them happy.
 

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