do you know what love is?

[ChrisC1983]

i have a VERY limited range of people i take an interest in. i'm going to say, in my life, i've had a real interest in 3-5 people TOPS. and i only say that much because i probably don't remember a couple. but at this point i'm not fully sure if i really like somebody or just the idea i've created about the future of me being with somebody (within constraints obviously, otherwise i would just be chasing everybody because i'm one lonely sob)..... it's always personality based. sometimes i really don't even know what they look like besides a vague description or bad photo or quick glance, something that wouldn't allow me to pick them out of a crowd just by looks

 

[clg114]

Love is when you care about someone so much that you put their safety, welfare and needs above your own. To most people (including me), that would be family.

 

[ChrisC1983]

my problem is, i do that with pretty much everybody.. to a point. a life is a life is a life... the relation i have with that life doesn't really matter. so while i'm not going to push somebody off a cliff, going into a burning house to save a baby or the family pet is the same to me even if i don't know any of them from a hole in the wall. i'll put as much effort into helping my family as i would helping a stranger (basically... i mean, i'd like to know them for a few days. and as for myself... i basically just don't care about myself. again.. i do enough to not jump off that cliff but i'll hang off the cliff to drag them up if they slipped. and if we both fall.. well, it happens. plenty of other humans in the world, 2 less wont change anything

 

[Peeta]

I think wanting the help someone, even the extreme of running into a burning building to save someone('s pet), is separate from love. That's more the innate core of someone's... helpfulness I guess.

Love is part of an emotional connection. You get upset when they get upset. There's an investment. You're happy to see them and sad to see them go. You want what's best for them cause you want them to be happy. You gain something from their happiness. So it's not just a logical decision of doing something good for someone. Or crying along with a character in a movie. Love comes into play when you've known someone for a while, you like them, you have a connection with them and you gain something emotionally from their happiness.

Hope that makes sense.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i like the happy thing.... i do have this thing with everybody where i'm overall happier to see them happy than i am annoyed by it (generalizing... some people can go burn and i dont care... yep, extremes lol).... but that point will extend if i'm interested in somebody, like the 3-5 i mentioned. so much so that i'll hurt myself in the process because i want them to be happy but that's another story.

more realistic example.... there's always the typical gift exchanges for holidays. i usually get something nice and thoughtful (on a common level) for every family member who will be there (and i literally come from a family of druggy/drunk/muggers/ect so family is something there)....
but any family i actually like, i end up getting something i put a lot of thought into.. maybe even to the point where i made something or did this huge out of character favor (ie: i'll hug my mother on christmas..... otherwise, i hate touching people. and she literally stabbed my father on multiple occasions and is now living as a drug addict with a scummy alcoholic boyfriend she had as a teenager and you don't want to know how much money she stole off me when i first got a job) but, if i can, i end up getting somebody (one of the 3-5) something as well even if i haven't met them in person yet. i do try to limit what i spend however because that one bit me in the ass once before.. not that i spent a fortune, but i spent far more than i could afford to.

 

[DC1346]

Love is not a concept I have ever really understood.

This is not to say that I'm a selfish jerk. I have been active as a volunteer in local communities and have done everything from baking cookies as a baker for the USO in Saudi Arabia to being a volunteer firefighter in Pennsylvania and being a volunteer at a foodbank in Arizona.

I have been known to pull over onto the shoulder of a road to help a stranded motorist push his or her stalled vehicle out of an intersection. I have purchased food at a fast food drive through window to give to a homeless person standing on a corner just a block away. I care about other people ... but I do not understand the concept of love and have difficult grasping the concept of friendship.

I have people in my life who are friendly towards me and others who have cared for me ... but I do not understand why they were friendly or why they cared. Since I understand that friendship involves some degree of a quid pro quo arrangement, I have tried to reciprocate this positive attention and/or unsolicited favors (such as showing me how to change a flat tire) by giving that person boxed meals. I used to over compensate by paying someone's delinquent mortgage but have since realized that an appropriate quid pro quo arrangement involves an appropriate balance of a favor returned for a favor given.

I also have people in my life who clearly don't like me. I do not understand that either.

I like keeping to myself and doing my job. I am currently looking for a new volunteer organization to join.

 

[Flinty]

I've got no clue what love is between humans. Between a human and an animal, I understand. Love would mean trust, and no one really gets that.

 

[DC1346]

I've got no clue what love is between humans. Between a human and an animal, I understand. Love would mean trust, and no one really gets that.

I agree! Animals don't lie. The capacity to lie appears to be a human trait. Betrayal, infidelity, and deceit are unfortunate human traits. I am quite frankly surprised that the human civilization has managed to survive as long as it has. We are not a very nice species. Look at how various civilizations through time have dominated less technologically advanced cultures.

The American colonists decimated the native population ... though to be fair, some of this occurred as a result of disease as the natives had no immunization to certain illnesses that were brought to the New World.

Look at what the European countries (and the U.S.) did to the Chinese during the 19th century. The British actually FORCED the opium trade upon the Chinese via gunboat diplomacy. The resulting stereotype of Chinese "opium dens" later pushed the United States into passing the Chinese Exclusion Act of 1882. Under this Federal law, Chinese nationals could not apply for U.S. citizenship because we were considered morally bankrupt and "unworthy" of becoming citizens. So much for the Statue of Liberty's "give me your huddled masses yearning to breath free." This law wasn't repealed until 1943.

Think about the hundreds of thousands (if not millions) of lives that have been lost throughout history because of religious wars. We have one going on now with ISIS because a group of ultra conservative lunatics are trying to force their perversion of Islam upon other people. As with the Nazis of the Third Reich, anyone who disagrees with them is being summarily executed.

 

[ChrisC1983]

i was never big on the word "love"..... i mean, it's great, it's fine... but other languages have specific words for each type of feeling. loving a parent, child, spouse, friend and family pet are all different things.

DC1346 as you mentioned, you got stuck paying a mortgage... i've actually paid my mothers rent 1 time when she lost her job. a month later she asked me to pay the rent again.. luckily by then i was asking why and she "didn't really try to find anything" for work. sadly, that was about 15yrs ago.. and i'm still working on fixing that problem. i'm fine on a case by case basis.. i just stop acknowledging the persons existence. but any overall rules (which i should just apply anyway) always makes me feel like i'm being an asshole. but i'm slowly realizing i need to be selfish just to not be walked on by everybody i meet to the point of snapping.

lets put it this way.. right now, it's still so bad that my father is at a festival.. and he called me (i'm in another city) and told me to not post anything online at all tonight because some random drunk at the festival said i was his son and seen something online about punching or something (i have no clue, i haven't said anything all night... i posted a few random goofy things like a farting car and made some sarcastic replies to people i know on facebook (all from other states) and none of them were about punching, swinging, hitting, or anything like that. .... so now i'm not allowed to post on facebook the rest of the night. neither of us know wtf the drunk was talking about but i also dont know why i'm listening to my father and some 3rd party hearsay drunk

 

[Myway]

I have no idea what human love is like or where it comes from. I know about animal love, but not human love. They are very different I'm finding. But, there is always time to learn about what love is if I really wanted to find out.