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Do you feel that you are not good enough?

Sabrina

Sabrina

Gentle & brave earthling
I am 43 years old and I have to say that I have not worked for money ever since I had my first kid (I have worked a lot as a mom) and I am recovering from not feeling good enough because of that.
My narcissistic parents and sisters always make a point of reminding me of that. For them, if I am not perfect (meaning, not only being a great mom, wife, writer and woman) I'm worthless, I am not a whole woman because I don't earn an income.

Well, I've had it, and I want to say that today's standard's are impossible to fulfill. If Jesus (if you are not religious, think of the historic figure) were living today, he would also be critized for not earning his keep, not only that, he'd be criticized for not having a wife and family. So, I've decided that I'm great even if I have many flaws. And if I have doubts, I remember that not even the person who most people in history considered God, would be up to today's standards.
 
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I refuse to truly judge anyone based only on how or whether they make a living.

There's so much more to people than only how they make an income. I just don't see the cosmic reason for our existence to be based on employment alone. :rolleyes:
 
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Thick skin, open heart.

The only thing that matters is how you feel about yourself. You can probably bolster that by looking into the eyes of those around you like your kids and your husband, you can see yourself in their eyes, in their love, in their actions and behavior. Not many people can say that.

I find that my time is attracted towards those who support me and stays clear of those who attempt to tear me down, their loss.

Pause for a moment, look around your environment and feel that which you have accomplished and made a difference in other peoples lives - don't sweat the small stuff, it will all work out.

I believe in you.
 
I know I'm not good enough. Because I constantly get rejected by women who I ask to get to know and all I get is a big smack in the face. No worries I will die single
 
AidenMaccullagh said:
I know I'm not good enough. Because I constantly get rejected by women who I ask to get to know and all I get is a big smack in the face. No worries I will die single
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Everyone meets someone mate.. Its a case of wanting to meet someone rather than just thinking about meeting someone...! Dont give up...! Shes out there somewhere. .keep searching..!
 
One of my few annoyances is when others the last thirty years often asked me, or other guys in my presence, "What do you do?" Of course they meant, "What job do you have?" I aways felt like replying back and asking, "Why? Does that define me, or should not my good traits or other interests instead be a better indicator of who I am?" I know sometimes it is just instinct to ask such a question, when everyone has been doing that, but I find it is rude, more so than an initial way to get to know someone better, as many who ask that question likely do judge others based on employment.

These days now it is the women that are being asked the same question, by both women and men, now that more women are in the workforce, and are unfairly expected to contribute more, at outside work and at home. Now, women are starting to feel that same pressure to keep up with their friends, peers, or family expectations. With many women now having children later in life, because of either necessity to work, or desire to work to have interests outside the home, societal expectations are changing. More men are staying home doing business there or raising children, while women put careers first.

My feeling is, regardless if you are a woman or a man, stop judging and stereotyping, and let each do what he wants, if able or desiring anything at all. As long as that person contributes much somehow, and the urgent need is not there to work more, let them be themself. I am never impressed by someone because of what they do, as they could be a very poor father or mother, brother, sister or friend. I have known people who could not work to be just as nice and driven in other ways. Many with very successful careers could be lacking much elsewhere.

My wife says I easily could have been a psychologist or lawyer, or like a speech writer, but I have needs now to help homeschool the children. It is too challenging for just one to raise these special children. Luckily money is not an issue for us, so that does not come into play. I actually take pride in not doing what most men are. While they can get self-esteem and/or joy from their work away from home, I get self-esteem helping raise these children and being a good person. I used to long ago want to follow, and please or compete with others, but now I rather lead and not care what others think. I do not need others' opinions to make me happy now.

For those who love their work, I am glad for them, as I love my work too.
 
ksheehan88 said:
Everyday of my life. I don't think I'm not good enough, I know I'm not
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Hello. I never now let society, others, or events determine who I am. I feel we all have great things about us, and if we repeatedly focus on those and find ways to shift our mind off of negative thoughts, we can start truly believing we are good enough. Let's not let them define what goodness is, but ourselves. Reward ourselves if others cannot see that, when we put forth those good efforts or do those good things which others cannot understand or want to see. I know you are a good person for you wanting to be here and from seeing how many people love your posts.
 
I work as a software developer and I have very good programming skills. However I lack so many other things - common sense, self-reliance, maturity, calmness, the ability to work fast, social and communication skills, reading between the lines, and in many cases just professionalism in general - and it frustrates me to infinity. My boss and coworkers all possess these qualities and it makes me envy them all the time.

This all makes me believe that I'm not good enough, makes me wonder how I've been able to not get fired for so long, and I end up constantly putting myself down in front of my boss and coworkers. No matter how much they reassure me I still think that I'm a failure. I just keep sitting at work always afraid of screwing up, always afraid of letting people down, always afraid of being fired. No matter how many times people tell me to stop worrying and putting myself down I just don't listen, I just feel the way I feel...

At home I express this belief about myself way more emotionally but I'm not gonna get into that here. It's not healthy and it often turns into complete self-hatred. Each time I do something wrong, wherever and whenever it is - I completely fall apart and this constant self-loathing really gets on other people's nerves, and then I keep self-hating even more for making those people mad. It's a never ending vicious cycle and it's probably one of the reasons why I've been lonely for so long.
 
Tyrantus1212 said:
I work as a software developer and I have very good programming skills. However I lack so many other things - common sense, self-reliance, maturity, calmness, the ability to work fast, social and communication skills, reading between the lines, and in many cases just professionalism in general - and it frustrates me to infinity. My boss and coworkers all possess these qualities and it makes me envy them all the time.

This all makes me believe that I'm not good enough, makes me wonder how I've been able to not get fired for so long, and I end up constantly putting myself down in front of my boss and coworkers. No matter how much they reassure me I still think that I'm a failure. I just keep sitting at work always afraid of screwing up, always afraid of letting people down, always afraid of being fired. No matter how many times people tell me to stop worrying and putting myself down I just don't listen, I just feel the way I feel...

At home I express this belief about myself way more emotionally but I'm not gonna get into that here. It's not healthy and it often turns into complete self-hatred. Each time I do something wrong, wherever and whenever it is - I completely fall apart and this constant self-loathing really gets on other people's nerves, and then I keep self-hating even more for making those people mad. It's a never ending vicious cycle and it's probably one of the reasons why I've been lonely for so long.
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I think that other people have just as many problems and defects as we do, it's just that they have different problems and they are better at hiding them. I bet your coworkers and boss have their own share of inadequacies, it's just that you don't see them, not only because they hide them, but also because aspies tend not to grasp that kind of stuff easily. Pay more attention to their actions and words, and you will see that they are not as good as you think and you are not as bad.
 
Sabrina said:
I think that other people have just as many problems and defects as we do, it's just that they are different problems and they are better at hiding them. I bet your coworkers and boss have their own share of inadequacies, it's just that you don't see them, not only because they hide them, but also because aspies tend not to grasp that kind of stuff easily. Pay more attention to their actions and words, and you will see that they are not as good as you think and you are not as bad.
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Some of them can get impatient with me but that's common, very few people are able to tolerate me to the fullest without expressing frustration. That actually makes me feel even more like a failure. I'm terrible at hiding my problems.
 
We all have problems dealing with frustration mate...! Find a way to deal with them head on... You aint a failure. . you & we just see things differently to others. ...!:)
 
I know how you feel i've had feelings that and still do but just remember you've achieved things others haven't. You carried on despite anxiety (I presume) that takes a great amount of strength.
 
I tend to feel that I'm not good enough, particularly in the area of my photography hobby, I have pretty much zero accomplishments of any sort with it, I do share on website and mostly get ignored, at least in my opinion... When I look at the popularity other people have, and I do know I shouldn't compare but I have a bad tendency to keep doing it...

I do the same thing when I see people with super nice cars, I have a rather humble Hyundai Accent, nothing fancy... A good friend of mine can afford expensive camera and a fancy car, all I can afford is an average car and my camera gear isn't all that fancy either... Again, I know I shouldn't compare, and my friend Rob is a good guy so I shouldn't even think that way...

Unfortunately my mind often goes back to those comparisons, a real struggle for me.
 
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