For example, If I'm walking and in my silence and somebody unexpectedly as they go past says good morning, I will usually respond in kind. And then I might spend time looking at it. Did I want to respond? Was it expected of me? Was I resistant or reluctant, was I happy to do so, pleased to have been spoken to like that. Was my response given in a good way? I then try to put myself in their shoes. How did they experience me? And then I might start saying the same ‘good morning’ out loud a couple times, to see what it sounded like, to check the tone. Next, I might start experimenting, where the next person I pass I will say ‘good morning’ to, rather than simply make eye contact, nod and continue on in silence.
It's important because how I've been perceived reveals whether or not I am expressing myself well. If there is an issue making me feel a particular way, something negative perhaps, something I haven't dealt with, I have to look at all this and it can take some time.
So does anybody here go through something similar? Is it just revealing OCD? It somehow has to be looked at before I can return to the state I was in before this.
Essentially, I feel those encounters give me an opportunity to evaluate where I am in this moment. And it is useful and I have the time, because sometimes I recognise I have expressed an old pattern; maybe resistance, reluctance, annoyance, self-importance, ego. And other times I recognise there was no ego at all. I was simply present. I responded with kindness, feeling like they are a brother or sister, a neighbour, who has a life I have no idea about, and yet in this moment we have chosen to acknowledge each other.
It feels good. I'm not alone, even though much of the time I am. It's not a lonely alone now. It is useful. It allows me to see things and explore things that would otherwise create issues I would struggle with.
It is something I have been doing for a long time, and while on some level I know it is not normal to look at the minutiae of such mundane experience, yet for me that is where some of the answers lie. That is where I get to see what is really going on for me, hidden until it just pops up and I almost don't notice that I have expressed myself a certain way, and wonder why.
It's important because how I've been perceived reveals whether or not I am expressing myself well. If there is an issue making me feel a particular way, something negative perhaps, something I haven't dealt with, I have to look at all this and it can take some time.
So does anybody here go through something similar? Is it just revealing OCD? It somehow has to be looked at before I can return to the state I was in before this.
Essentially, I feel those encounters give me an opportunity to evaluate where I am in this moment. And it is useful and I have the time, because sometimes I recognise I have expressed an old pattern; maybe resistance, reluctance, annoyance, self-importance, ego. And other times I recognise there was no ego at all. I was simply present. I responded with kindness, feeling like they are a brother or sister, a neighbour, who has a life I have no idea about, and yet in this moment we have chosen to acknowledge each other.
It feels good. I'm not alone, even though much of the time I am. It's not a lonely alone now. It is useful. It allows me to see things and explore things that would otherwise create issues I would struggle with.
It is something I have been doing for a long time, and while on some level I know it is not normal to look at the minutiae of such mundane experience, yet for me that is where some of the answers lie. That is where I get to see what is really going on for me, hidden until it just pops up and I almost don't notice that I have expressed myself a certain way, and wonder why.