Do you evaluate what has just taken place even if it is insignificant?

[SimonSays]

For example, If I'm walking and in my silence and somebody unexpectedly as they go past says good morning, I will usually respond in kind. And then I might spend time looking at it. Did I want to respond? Was it expected of me? Was I resistant or reluctant, was I happy to do so, pleased to have been spoken to like that. Was my response given in a good way? I then try to put myself in their shoes. How did they experience me? And then I might start saying the same ‘good morning’ out loud a couple times, to see what it sounded like, to check the tone. Next, I might start experimenting, where the next person I pass I will say ‘good morning’ to, rather than simply make eye contact, nod and continue on in silence.

It's important because how I've been perceived reveals whether or not I am expressing myself well. If there is an issue making me feel a particular way, something negative perhaps, something I haven't dealt with, I have to look at all this and it can take some time.

So does anybody here go through something similar? Is it just revealing OCD? It somehow has to be looked at before I can return to the state I was in before this.

Essentially, I feel those encounters give me an opportunity to evaluate where I am in this moment. And it is useful and I have the time, because sometimes I recognise I have expressed an old pattern; maybe resistance, reluctance, annoyance, self-importance, ego. And other times I recognise there was no ego at all. I was simply present. I responded with kindness, feeling like they are a brother or sister, a neighbour, who has a life I have no idea about, and yet in this moment we have chosen to acknowledge each other.

It feels good. I'm not alone, even though much of the time I am. It's not a lonely alone now. It is useful. It allows me to see things and explore things that would otherwise create issues I would struggle with.

It is something I have been doing for a long time, and while on some level I know it is not normal to look at the minutiae of such mundane experience, yet for me that is where some of the answers lie. That is where I get to see what is really going on for me, hidden until it just pops up and I almost don't notice that I have expressed myself a certain way, and wonder why.

 

[Gracey]

Sometimes, yes. I'll go through all of the above.

I'm currently training myself to just 'be'

They say "good morning"
I respond with a cheery smile and a sing song "Morrrning.
Full stop.
That's the beginning and end of it.
As if I'm letting it flow through me and float off to, well, wherever that energy floats off to

I appreciated the greeting and responded equally pleasant. Job done.

 

[SimonSays]

Sometimes, yes. I'll go through all of the above.

I'm currently training myself to just 'be'

They say "good morning"
I respond with a cheery smile and a sing song "Morrrning.
Full stop.
That's the beginning and end of it.
As if I'm letting it flow through me and float off to, well, wherever that energy floats off to

I appreciated the greeting and responded equally pleasant. Job done.

Yes. A much better way.
I just wanted to know others do sometimes act that way.

It shouldn’t stop us from being. I’m also able to remain present more than I once did.

 

[Alexej]

... 'Do you evaluate what has just taken place even if it is insignificant?'

Usually no I do not evaluate what has happened.
For me this may not be good for me, and I have been led off the path by not noticing the signs of what is going on around me, and seeing what the bigger picture is.

 

[Misery]

Rarely. I tend to act on instinct or what seems like random whims. If a situation proves to be unusual enough, I'll examine it after. But most of the time... nah.

Particularly in social situations. I'm just inherently anti-social, so conversations are automatically disregarded, due to a lack of caring.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Yes, I do this all the time. I think it's my best tool for understanding social interactions.

Sometimes it helps me figure out what someone really meant (I don't "read between the lines" well at the moment, but I figure it out later).

Sometimes it leads to me deciding how to manage a situation better next time around.

Too often, it leads to me realizing I made a social gaffe and didn't know it at the time. But I'm used to that and I'll try to use it to do better next time.


...

One effect of analyzing everything after the fact is that I often wind up using it to rehearse in my mind how to do that social interaction better next time. When my mind isn't otherwise occupied, I often find myself "practicing socialization".

 

[Au Naturel]

One of the hallmarks - possibly the most important one in ASD-1 - is the inability to read social cues. You simply do not know if what you said was appropriate or not.

You learn that insecurity because of all the times you thought you responded correctly and it turned out that your response was thought inappropriate and the actual response they wanted was based on an unwritten social code that everyone knows but you. So you get ignored or ridiculed, or someone gets angry, or maybe you just get silently labeled as creepy and not suitable for further socialization. It happens enough to make you doubt the value of life.

That leaves you second-guessing yourself all the time.

If it is someone I know, I might venture into a conversation. Otherwise, I protect myself by proffering a cheery "G'mornin!" or "G'day!" in return - possibly adding something innocuous about the weather if they seem to want more - and then avoiding further contact. If I'm not going to follow up on the greeting, I don't need to concern myself about whether I delivered it correctly.

 

[Alexej]

I'm just inherently anti-social....

"anti social" or "a social"
I recognise the feeling and process that you describe

 

[Fino]

Yes, I do that all the time. I figured it was an aspect of anxiety. I'm often trying to guess people's mood.

 

[SusanLR]

I realise I am not social, but, really don't care.
If someone passing by says Goodmorning or even just Hi, I will reply, although I don't care to
unless it is someone I know.

I never make the first acknowledgement.
But, I can and do return theirs. And, yes, sometimes they want more and will say something
like it looks like rain today.
I will reply something like, "Yes, it certainly does."

These social greetings are expected I suppose. It doesn't bother me if they slip on by without
saying anything.
The one greeting I dread is the asking of how I am I doing today.
This usually happens formally at a doctor's appointment when the nurse calls you in.
I don't know or should say I do know what they want to hear, but, I don't want to say it.
So, I don't. They get a nod and a smile and maybe an OK.

It makes me wonder if people actually want that connection upon seeing another human,
or were they taught this as a child and it became a natural thing to do.

 

[SimonSays]

The one greeting I dread is the asking of how I am I doing today.
This usually happens formally at a doctor's appointment when the nurse calls you in.
I don't know or should say I do know what they want to hear, but, I don't want to say it.
So, I don't. They get a nod and a smile and maybe an OK.

I struggle with this one too. It seems such a vague question. I could say anything, would need time to, but vague questions often make it difficult to answer well.

It makes me wonder if people actually want that connection upon seeing another human,
or were they taught this as a child and it became a natural thing to do.

I wonder this too. It could just be societal expectations, especially in the older generations.

Some people look at me. I nod.
Some people look and say something. I reply.
Some speak even when I have earphones in. I hear them and only sometimes reply.
Some people don't answer me if I say 'good morning'.
Clearly there are no norms.

 

[SimonSays]

It doesn't bother me if they slip on by without
saying anything.

Me neither. If I'm looking at them and they make eye contact I will nod. I might be looking at them with sunglasses on, and they won't know I am looking. If I see them looking I might nod, surprising myself as I didn't have to. Or they surprise me with a nod of there own, when I'm wearing dark glasses, which to me is an assumption I'm even looking as they cannot see my eyes, I sometimes don't respond because I might not have been.

 

[SimonSays]

If you're walking along, perhaps with earphones in and you're in your own world, looking at your own thoughts, or just being present, and somebody you don't know says good morning, do you feel you have to answer? And if you don't or didn’t answer, does it feel like you've been rude and ignored them, or are you okay without doubt? Can you carry on exactly as you were, unaffected by the fact that you did not reply? I should have the right to continue my silence without feeling bad about it.

Sometimes I do this. Even though I know I have the right to stay in my own space, do my own thing, and there is no expectation for anything from me, sometimes, after I have continued on in my silence without replying, I feel bad, like I've avoided a moment of acknowledgement and interaction with a fellow human, rather than stayed where I thought I wanted to be.

If I am centred and balanced, and don’t feel like they are interrupting me, and it can happen that they are interrupting my creative process, but if I am centred and present, and I just continue walking as if nobody said a thing, there is an empowering from it. Like I am being more of who I really am.

but if I've been pretty isolated and maybe I haven't spoken to anyone for ages, it can definitely feel like I've avoided having the slightest of interactions with another human, and somehow I needed it, which is why I noticed the loss of the opportunity afterwards.

So there is no easy solution for me in this matter. Normally, I just let whatever happens be what happens, and it's rare for somebody to speak to me unexpectedly anyway. If they do, I respond, and then return to my inner state, rather than resisting it and realising resisting is not a good place for me to be.

 

[Nervous Rex]

And, yes, sometimes they want more and will say something like it looks like rain today.
I will reply something like, "Yes, it certainly does."

This kind of interaction is so weird to me. I know I walk away thinking, "No useful information was exchanged. What good was that?"

But if I agree with them that it looks like rain, NT's walk away thinking, "That guy is friendly!"

 

[SusanLR]

I find this type of interacting as strange also.
@Nervous Rex I think there was no useful information exchanged also.
But, I also know this is what most NT's want and will think you rude if you do not respond.
So I can do at least a nod to show I heard them.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if they think I am unfriendly or rude without it bothering me.
This is especially true for me in a store or department store.
I pay people no attention while shopping and dread having to interact with the cashier.

Once while shopping in mall with people all around, my friend who was with me remarked
that I acted like I was the only person there.
I told him that's how I am able to maneuver through the crowd.

 

[Au Naturel]

I realise I am not social, but, really don't care.
If someone passing by says Goodmorning or even just Hi, I will reply, although I don't care to
unless it is someone I know.

I never make the first acknowledgement.
But, I can and do return theirs. And, yes, sometimes they want more and will say something
like it looks like rain today.
I will reply something like, "Yes, it certainly does."

These social greetings are expected I suppose. It doesn't bother me if they slip on by without
saying anything.
The one greeting I dread is the asking of how I am I doing today.
This usually happens formally at a doctor's appointment when the nurse calls you in.
I don't know or should say I do know what they want to hear, but, I don't want to say it.
So, I don't. They get a nod and a smile and maybe an OK.

It makes me wonder if people actually want that connection upon seeing another human,
or were they taught this as a child and it became a natural thing to do.

When people ask me how I'm doing, I just say, "I'm alive."

The people who hear it can interpret it however they want. Usually, they think it means that I am thankful for being alive. Sometimes they think it means I've just endured some crisis or trial and have survived. There are probably other interpretations.

To me, it is a simple statement of fact with no meaning beyond what I have said. Requires no commitment whatsoever on my part.

 

[Gift2humanity]

For example, If I'm walking and in my silence and somebody unexpectedly as they go past says good morning, I will usually respond in kind. And then I might spend time looking at it. Did I want to respond? Was it expected of me? Was I resistant or reluctant, was I happy to do so, pleased to have been spoken to like that. Was my response given in a good way? I then try to put myself in their shoes. How did they experience me? And then I might start saying the same ‘good morning’ out loud a couple times, to see what it sounded like, to check the tone. Next, I might start experimenting, where the next person I pass I will say ‘good morning’ to, rather than simply make eye contact, nod and continue on in silence.

It's important because how I've been perceived reveals whether or not I am expressing myself well. If there is an issue making me feel a particular way, something negative perhaps, something I haven't dealt with, I have to look at all this and it can take some time.

So does anybody here go through something similar? Is it just revealing OCD? It somehow has to be looked at before I can return to the state I was in before this.

Essentially, I feel those encounters give me an opportunity to evaluate where I am in this moment. And it is useful and I have the time, because sometimes I recognise I have expressed an old pattern; maybe resistance, reluctance, annoyance, self-importance, ego. And other times I recognise there was no ego at all. I was simply present. I responded with kindness, feeling like they are a brother or sister, a neighbour, who has a life I have no idea about, and yet in this moment we have chosen to acknowledge each other.

It feels good. I'm not alone, even though much of the time I am. It's not a lonely alone now. It is useful. It allows me to see things and explore things that would otherwise create issues I would struggle with.

It is something I have been doing for a long time, and while on some level I know it is not normal to look at the minutiae of such mundane experience, yet for me that is where some of the answers lie. That is where I get to see what is really going on for me, hidden until it just pops up and I almost don't notice that I have expressed myself a certain way, and wonder why.

Bring back my MacBook. With long posts I like to read them a chunk at a time and manually put quotes in. I am using voice to text and my Apple Pencil anyway now to get on with answering your post.
Whether this is a greeting from someone or a confrontation,I over analyse and I don’t seem to get anywhere. Now that I have more spiritual knowledge I see where are used to go wrong. Why didn’t she say good morning? What was wrong with his tone of voice? I over analyse and I don’t seem to get anywhere. Now that I have more spiritual knowledge I see where are used to go wrong. Why didn’t she say good morning? What was wrong with his tone of voice? I am not good at putting myself in the shoes of other people I do not have theory of mind or cognitive empathy as it is otherwise known.

You’re practising out loud seems like a good strategy.

Maybe if I’m not mistaken your second paragraph shows mindfulness if you are doing this when meditating while walking.

Your intuition will tell you if what you are doing is obsessive. You will notice a wrong feeling or a right feeling, you have spoken about Your fourth paragraph seem to say that you are doing this already. I suspect this because you mention going within on your posts and I think this type of thing is an ideal opportunity and your consciousness will . You will notice a wrong feeling or a right feeling, you have spoken about meditation and going within on your posts and I think this type of thing is an ideal opportunity and your consciousness will reveal to you whether you are being obsessive or whether you are being mindful. I think the only person who can answer this is you but it is good to post on here to see if others have the same experience.

Your fourth paragraph seem to say that you are doing this it sounds like you have gained a lot of insight about yourself responding to various interactions with people and also insights about them.

it’s good that you are feeling good about being alone and no longer lonely it reminds me of a previous post of yours will you mention solitude. From what you have written it sounds like it is of benefit to you.

From what I have read about people who are mindful From what you have written it sounds like it is of benefit to you.

From what I have read about people who are mindful, as a result of this mindfulness they do become conscious of the small but important details and I do not mean small petty details I mean the nuances. I am sorry I have still not managed to learn how to get rid of the capitals of the beginnings of some words but I will get there. I am now using my pencil And voice to text and apart And voice to text and apart from The unwonted capital letters I am getting there.

There was a man who lived in my block of flats who I did not like because he was very intimidating To me once and he must’ve had a difficult life because many people saw him as miserable. To me once and he must’ve had a difficult life because many people saw him as miserable. I used to pass him used to pass him Walking into town and he was the type not to say good morning and this is a bit naughty of me but are used to say “morningWalking into town and he was the type not to say good morning and this is a bit naughty of me but are used to say — “morning!“, in a deliberately cheerful voice and he used to respond by saying good morning and a very flat voice. This showed me well maybe I am biased because I know him, that he was depressed. Incidentally he was a petty “, in a deliberately cheerful voice and he used to respond by saying good morning and a very flat voice. This showed me well maybe I am biased because I know him, that he was depressed. Incidentally he was a Petty tyrant.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Usually no I do not evaluate what has happened.
For me this may not be good for me, and I have been led off the path by not noticing the signs of what is going on around me, and seeing what the bigger picture is.

I can identify with this. I mentioned over analysing lonely and not I can identify with this. I mentioned over analysing Incorrectly, and not gaining insight however with me while Incorrectly, and not gaining insight however with me while This is True it is a matter of balance, I need to over analyse our I miss True it is a matter of balance, I need to over analyse our I miss Small but important cues.

 

[Gift2humanity]

Rarely. I tend to act on instinct or what seems like random whims. If a situation proves to be unusual enough, I'll examine it after. But most of the time... nah.

Particularly in social situations. I'm just inherently anti-social, so conversations are automatically disregarded, due to a lack of caring.

.
The word “antisocial“ Is often confused with Unsociable. The former is the desire to hurt people, the latter is merely an unwillingness to engage with people in and interpersonal interaction. This is more benign than antisocial.

 

[Gift2humanity]

I find this type of interacting as strange also.
@Nervous Rex I think there was no useful information exchanged also.
But, I also know this is what most NT's want and will think you rude if you do not respond.
So I can do at least a nod to show I heard them.

Sometimes it doesn't matter if they think I am unfriendly or rude without it bothering me.
This is especially true for me in a store or department store.
I pay people no attention while shopping and dread having to interact with the cashier.

Once while shopping in mall with people all around, my friend who was with me remarked
that I acted like I was the only person there.
I told him that's how I am able to maneuver through the crowd.

...

One effect of analyzing everything after the fact is that I often wind up using it to rehearse in my mind how to do that social interaction better next time. When my mind isn't otherwise occupied, I often find myself "practicing socialization".[/QUOTE]
I also identify with this. Before I was diagnosed are used to agonise over why I thought of responses too late, after the event, when the moment had passed used to agonise over why I thought of responses too late, after the event, when the moment had passed.