Do you do the Aspie Stare?

[Bay]

People often ask me why I am staring at them and I don't even realize that I am looking at them. Is that the Aspie stare?

 

[Csutelan]

I almost never smile in pictures. I hate the way I look when I smile. In fact, I really don't like to have pictures taken of me. When I was in grade school, I never had my picture taken for the yearbook nor did I ever buy a yearbook. Since I didn't have any friends in school there was really no point.

 

[FishyEnthusiest]

I find this topic interesting because my boyfriend says that I am always staring at people and it is rude. I don't even realize I am doing it until someone stares back then I feel totally uncomfortable.

As for getting my picture taken, i don't smile often. It feels uncomfortable to me.

 

[buckyboy14]

Interesting. No, I don't do that. However, I'm terrible at smiling for pictures. Whatever I do, my smiles always look extremely unnatural. My mom is befuddled by it.

 

[robertwnielsen]

Interesting. No, I don't do that. However, I'm terrible at smiling for pictures. Whatever I do, my smiles always look extremely unnatural. My mom is befuddled by it.

That sounds a lot like me, buckyboy14. If I had a dollar for every time my mom and I have had this conversation when we were taking pictures:

Mom: Robert, smile!!

Me: I am smiling, Mom!!

Mom: Sure doesn't look like it. It looks...so unnatural. So forced!!

--I would be SO RICH... because it happened so often.

 

[allegrorules]

I smile in photos but my smile is always different then anyone else. I used to think it was stupid and made me look weird because no one else in the family would do it. But now I consider it my aspie smile and so I dont mind it any more.

 

[antarcticMetal]

Wow. Another thing I've done all my life that I didn't know was an Aspie trait until now. I not only don't smile, I kind of freeze until it's over as well. I don't enjoy having my photo taken and have to be guilt-tripped into it.

 

[shoukori]

So glad there are others out there with the same "fake smile" issues. The only time anyone gets a good smile is if they crack an actual funny joke and I laugh at it. Otherwise I am deadpan serious or the awful fake smile that I feel is actually worse.

I got asked "don't you ever smile" so often that lately I've (unintentionally) developed a fake laugh/smile that I have caught myself using to try to prevent people from asking that. I never understood that question; why would I walk around smiling when nothing funny is going on? Such a weird idea. But obviously something about my deadpan face looked "off" to them.

 

[RubenX]

Oh yeah... I rather go with the stare because, if I try to smile it looks so fake.

 

[Cerulean]

I just found a funny pic of myself as a kid where I'm engaging in my first stim- rubbing the satin border of a blanket on my face, and my eyes look like they're about to pop out. My eyes are still really big and blue and seem to be the first thing people focus on when they meet me, so I can't get away with staring anymore because it's too obvious. Usually when i have my photo taken I ask for a countdown so I can try and get my face to look normal.

 

[Soup]

My regular expression consists of a blank neutral canvas with the well documented Aspie stare.

 

[Cerulean]

My regular expression consists of a blank neutral canvas with the well documented Aspie stare.

Have you ever had a friend or coworker tell you all the time to smile? My default work expression is totally blank and I had a coworker that just irritate him so much. Dude I'm working retail, why on earth would I be walking around with a smile on my face?

 

[Bay]

What exactly is the Aspie stare? Is it when I have a blank look on my face? It is when I am looking at someone but dont realize it because I am worlds away in my head? It is when I am staring at someone so intensely that they feel my eyes burn right through them? The responses here (including my own) seem to vary so much that I feel as though I dont know what the Aspie stare really is.

 

[Csutelan]

Has anyone read "The Shadow Over Innsmouth" by H.P. Lovecraft? His description of the Innsmouth "look" is strangely like the Aspie stare. Even if you don't read the whole story, read the last page.

 

[Soup]

@ cerulean: More times than I can count! People see the neutral expression & the stare & assume something unpleasant: I'm angry, bored, don't like them or I'm not enjoying whatever it is I'm doing. Why is it that a neutral expression is interpreted this way? I can't be bothered to always arrange my face into some expression & remember how to do it! Eyebrows like this, eyes like that, cheeks this way, now lift outer corners of mouth while keeping mouth closed...it's like the complex steps to a Flamenco dance. Why do a person's moods have to reflect on their face any ways?

As a woman, I find that people seem to expect me to always be smiling like Shirley Temple on The Good Ship Lollipop or something. It is a western thing. In some Communist countries, smiling all the time meant either you were not someone to be taken seriously, that you were dangerously insane or that you were dumb!

 

[Cerulean]

Haha that is kind of what I think about people who are walking around smiling all the time.

 

[Bay]

Can someone please tell me about the Aspie stare? I genuinely feel as though I am not sure what it is. Is it that spacey stare into space? Is it just an expressionless face?

 

[rolo]

What exactly is the Aspie stare? Is it when I have a blank look on my face? It is when I am looking at someone but dont realize it because I am worlds away in my head? It is when I am staring at someone so intensely that they feel my eyes burn right through them? The responses here (including my own) seem to vary so much that I feel as though I dont know what the Aspie stare really is.

Don't worry Bay-it's not a uniform-we are all different-I either look too much or not at all-There is a saying that goes "once you have met one Aspie you have only met one Aspie." Some people believe that the blank unfeeling vacant look is the "Stare" and can be used/summoned up at will-well for some that may be the case- I know I always look either miserable or angry when having my photo taken-if people took them whilst I was unaware that would probably be better-I absolutely hate it-I start with a false somewhat uncomfortable smile but by the time they have faffed around and actually pressed the shutter, I have become anxious and resorted to my angry/irritated/aloof stare

 

[Cerulean]

That's my understanding, especially if you're staring in kind of a weird, socially unacceptable situation like for photos instead of smiling. My parents always referred to it as "getting the stares" and I'd do it when I was stimming, just kind of zone out with the odd expressionlesss look. I get comfortable staring spots a lot and it bothers people so I try to be discreet.

 

[rolo]

There is of course another element to the "Aspie stare"-this is when one is off in ones own world-in a thought bubble that gives the impression we are staring at someone or something -in fact we are unaware that we are doing it-it takes a while to come back to earth-this can be disconcerting to others especially as they may well come to the mistaken conclusion that we are actually staring at/eyeballing them.