Nope, call me anything you like - just don't call me late for dinner
Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.
Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral
I try not to think about what others think of me, but it rarely works. I'm always conscious of what others think of me, to the point where I can't leave the house. Although saying that some days are better than others. If I'm having a bad day I'm so self conscious I can't do anything.
I'd like to say I don't, I try not no but yes I do. I go to a special needs 6th for which is part of a main stream school and hate the looks I get fro people when I am with certain wit certain people and yes know shouldn't care but do. Sometimes I just want to blend it.
@EstimatedProphet made really good points and posted the link to a very good read, that explains a lot, at least to me.Yep, all the time. It's annoying and I tell myself I shouldn't care... but I do. It's why it can take me hours to write a single E-mail, and many hours agonising over my interactions. I think for me I've suffered the consequences of people having the wrong perceptions of me, and that's stayed with me. When I was a kid I didn't know that people had perceptions, let alone of me!
Thankfully, I found the blog post wherein Cynthia Kim talks about shame. This is in Chapter 10 of her book. I think you will find it most helpful!
The One Where I Talk to Myself About Shame
Thankyou@EstimatedProphet made really good points and posted the link to a very good read, that explains a lot, at least to me.
Thank you @EstimatedProphet!
Had this problem from age of 12 to age 60-something. That is when I first met some fellow Aspies on-line. They provided enough incentive to seek a formal diagnosis. Thankfully I had an understanding wife or she would have split long before this point. Once I understood the dynamics of my low to moderate Aspie condition, I began taking steps to overcome this sensitivity to other people's opinions of me. Most helpful was a Support Group that counseled me, "What other people think of you is none of your business." Focus on how you feel about yourself and work to make it a positive feeling. That helped a lot. Now at 70-something I may even be giving my NT acquaintances a reason to wonder what I may be thinking about them ;-)Like the title suggests, I have lived my life fearing how others may perceive me and really putting on mask after mask after mask to try to please everybody.
At one point in my life, maybe mid to late thirties, I had a complete burnout!
That was when I decided I don't need friends anymore let alone toxic relatives, and just shut myself in with my immediate family. The more time that passed, the more revelations I had! I was able to analyze a lot of things in my life and found out that I was always trying to please somebody, even if it was completely against my nature to do so.
Nowadays , I care so much less, and even though I still have to rationalize to get myself to that state, I can do it!
I ask myself a series of questions, like why do I care what they think of me and such, and in the end (most times) I'm able to reach the 'healthy' conclusion.
Anybody else out there suffer from this?
That Aspie anxiety and need to mask your true self exists only in your own mind. Moving to another place will only force you to deal with more of the same without the benefit of knowing the new people you are still forced to deal with on a daily basis. Instead of letting your psyche be grounded in other people's opinions, try assuring yourself that you are the best you can be today. If YOU see a need to make changes to your attitude or performance, then focus on that. Measure yourself against your own assessment and let other people worry about theirs.I'm the same way. Lots of people in my town are very superficial and inconsiderate for other people; so I find I have to put on a mask constantly just so they can leave me the hell alone. Once I get the funds, I'm moving out of this place.
Thank you. I will take that into consideration for sure.That Aspie anxiety and need to mask your true self exists only in your own mind. Moving to another place will only force you to deal with more of the same without the benefit of knowing the new people you are still forced to deal with on a daily basis. Instead of letting your psyche be grounded in other people's opinions, try assuring yourself that you are the best you can be today. If YOU see a need to make changes to your attitude or performance, then focus on that. Measure yourself against your own assessment and let other people worry about theirs.
Against popular belief, a lot of us seem to be more critical of ourselves than NTs can ever understand!Oh, I don't know...
I am afraid of consequences, I think. I can't stop thinking that I might not have pleased somebody enough. And I fear - I don't know what, but it is very mighty....
I am afraid of being hurt, I think. How can I 'grow a thicker skin', as Rich Allen calls it??? How?? My skin seems to get thinner and thinner! I think that I am heading towards a burnout, because I can't stop worrying constantly about doing things pleasantly for everybody and don't manage to care less for how people perceive me.
This really helped me today. Thankyou.Been there and done that. I used to be self-conscious to a fault, but as the days pass by and I grow older I'm finding the idea of leaving my mental states up to other human beings to decide wasn't a wise choice to begin with.
Stay strong to the rest of you who come across the worst of humanity, you're not the only one.
SHAME! That's the word I've lived with, without even knowing what it was!
Your whole post just resonated with me and all made sense. Thank you!!!