Do not take it easy when my person is critised

[Suzanne]

Recently, I found out that someone said to my husband, that I am too loud and to ask me to please lower my voice. First of all, if it were as simple as that, of course I would lower my voice, but the problem is, I cannot hear myself being loud!

So, anyway, I was discussing this with a friend and she said: in truth, you do tend to be rather loud and gave me the example of my music. I would not want to live with you, that is for sure. Your music is so loud. I said in return: when hubs is around, it is not loud. I only play it at top volume when on my own and then said that I find her place to be very loud in ITS SILENCE. She had the grace to acknowledge that if I found silence to be louder than noise ( as in music), then, yes, she can understand why I play my music at top volume.

I would LOVE to be able to take critisim, but sadly, due to not liking myself that much, it actually mortifies me.

 

[Arxanaa18]

I relate to being loud and not even realizing it and I do not like criticism at all either. It’s possible you might have rejection sensitive dysphoria, I have it and I automatically take criticism or anything like that as rejection which causes me to have an extreme reaction to it.

 

[Misty Avich]

I can't take criticism very well either. I try not to criticise others. I guess we all criticise sometimes but I don't have a habit of it.

 

[kenaij]

The major thing I do not like about this is that your husband was asked to tell you, instead of the person telling you directly. It might be very hard for you to always be less loud. I tend to talk very loudly as I talk about something I really care about. My wife, or someone else just tells me in the moment so I can adjust to that moment. This does not mean however that I will never do it again. Sometimes they even need to tell me within 5 minutes. "you have gone louder again". And I do not hear myself being loud. I just try to talk very softly (from my point of view) whenever I am told.

 

[NDR2]

I don’t like criticism at all. I’ve certainly gotten a lot of it throughout my life. It’s certainly not a good motivator - even if it’s constructive or meant to be helpful. It’s mainly just made me feel bad or guilty. I read “How to Win Friends and Influence People” by Dale Carnegie, and one of the suggestions in the book is to avoid criticizing people.

 

[Suzanne]

I relate to being loud and not even realizing it and I do not like criticism at all either. It’s possible you might have rejection sensitive dysphoria, I have it and I automatically take criticism or anything like that as rejection which causes me to have an extreme reaction to it.

I am so glad I am not the only one. It is still plaguing me now.

 

[Suzanne]

I can't take criticism very well either. I try not to criticise others. I guess we all criticise sometimes but I don't have a habit of it.

Unfortunately, I am given to being a critic of others and even worse, behind their back, to my husband, which he naturally hates. It is because their behaviour should be different and it affects me.

 

[Mary Terry]

Recently, I found out that someone said to my husband, that I am too loud and to ask me to please lower my voice. First of all, if it were as simple as that, of course I would lower my voice, but the problem is, I cannot hear myself being loud!

So, anyway, I was discussing this with a friend and she said: in truth, you do tend to be rather loud and gave me the example of my music. I would not want to live with you, that is for sure. Your music is so loud. I said in return: when hubs is around, it is not loud. I only play it at top volume when on my own and then said that I find her place to be very loud in ITS SILENCE. She had the grace to acknowledge that if I found silence to be louder than noise ( as in music), then, yes, she can understand why I play my music at top volume.

I would LOVE to be able to take critisim, but sadly, due to not liking myself that much, it actually mortifies me.

Have you had your hearing tested?

 

[Suzanne]

Have you had your hearing tested? No need to have a test.

 

[Neonatal RRT]

Recently, I found out that someone said to my husband, that I am too loud and to ask me to please lower my voice. First of all, if it were as simple as that, of course I would lower my voice, but the problem is, I cannot hear myself being loud!

So, anyway, I was discussing this with a friend and she said: in truth, you do tend to be rather loud and gave me the example of my music. I would not want to live with you, that is for sure. Your music is so loud. I said in return: when hubs is around, it is not loud. I only play it at top volume when on my own and then said that I find her place to be very loud in ITS SILENCE. She had the grace to acknowledge that if I found silence to be louder than noise ( as in music), then, yes, she can understand why I play my music at top volume.

I would LOVE to be able to take critisim, but sadly, due to not liking myself that much, it actually mortifies me.

A bit to unpack here, but a few things come to mind, and can relate to. I too, hate silence. Between my tinnitus and my inner monologue, it is really unsettling. I have to have some sort of white noise in the background. I sleep with a fan. The TV is on at a low volume during the day. I am outdoors doing things in the yard.

Music, I love to be immersed in it. Headphones or in the car, it is loud enough to drown out other environmental noise or talking, but not so loud that it upsets my hearing.

I worked with a RN and I have a father-in-law, both with loud, boisterous voices that carry. The type of people who don't need a megaphone to be heard in a large crowd because their voices just cut through. They don't see themselves as being loud, either. Both had hearing issues. The RN, I don't know why, but my father-in-law worked in a machine shop most of his life.

 

[Au Naturel]

My wife used to tell me I spoke too loudly. We grew old, and her hearing isn't what it used to be. She only says it now when she's wearing her hearing aids.

I was told I had a great stage voice when I was in acting. It was loud without being distorted. I "projected" well. It was also great for singing. I didn't need a microphone in a hundred-seat theater. Learning to modulate my voice without having to think, "Speak more softly," took years and is still an incomplete work. I still get loud when I'm excited.

To many NTs, speaking loudly is an attempt to command attention. Drill sergeants speak loudly. They compare it to driving a car or motorcycle with an annoyingly loud exhaust to announce their presence.

OTOH, I like silence, the kind of silence with subtle undertones, like the wind in the trees. Total silence, like in an isolation tank or with noise-canceling headphones, would drive me nuts because of my tinnitus. If I am playing music loudly, it is with headphones to not disturb others. If I'm in a car, I play music loud enough to hear it, not enough to drown out the noise of the road. That loud will cause hearing damage over time.

 

[SusanLR]

Tinnitus and constant inner dialogue prevent me from liking total silence.
Then on the other extreme, a lot of mixed noises are overloading and cause discomfort.

I have music or TV on low all day also.
I need low music or white noise to get to sleep.
Sometimes I do play the music in the car pretty loudly, but not enough to keep me from hearing what I need to drive.
Driving is anxiety producing for me and somehow the music helps.

 

[lovely_darlingprettybaby]

Recently, I found out that someone said to my husband, that I am too loud and to ask me to please lower my voice. First of all, if it were as simple as that, of course I would lower my voice, but the problem is, I cannot hear myself being loud!

So, anyway, I was discussing this with a friend and she said: in truth, you do tend to be rather loud and gave me the example of my music. I would not want to live with you, that is for sure. Your music is so loud. I said in return: when hubs is around, it is not loud. I only play it at top volume when on my own and then said that I find her place to be very loud in ITS SILENCE. She had the grace to acknowledge that if I found silence to be louder than noise ( as in music), then, yes, she can understand why I play my music at top volume.

I would LOVE to be able to take critisim, but sadly, due to not liking myself that much, it actually mortifies me.

I hate criticism to tears, actively avoid it and being hurt even if it keeps happening.
I can get hurt by the smallest insult or someone even disagreeing
I love when people are nice to me and I would love to see the day when people stop hurting me.
I used to people please too in the sense always worrying what people thought but when I got a bit better from my trauma, I realise that:
1 people will criticise no matter what you do if they are like that
2 two sometimes you worry about stuff that does not even happen and people probably mainly think of themselves and their own life and problems but fears can still happen.