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Do I want friends??

goneepi

goneepi

Active Member
In a separate thread I mentioned how I can't talk about this Aspergers stuff with my wife. What that also raises is the fact that I don't really have any friends, not nearby or so close that I could burden them out of the blue with thoughts and feelings.

Since leaving the professional theatre about 11 years ago (I'm 39 and work from home for a nonprofit org), I really haven't cared about having friends. I more or less preferred solitude or time with my wife. Not friends, who come with needs and obligations and whatnot. Suddenly, now that I have no one to talk about this important subject with, I find myself, well, lonely. And I'm alone. ****.
 
I came here basically for the same reason, I knew I was lonely but didn't realize how much so until I joined. I think what would suit me is to have somewhat typical friendships with people I can relate to, and a partner. It would be difficult to have a partner that's not understanding of it.... very. I wish I knew how to resolve that. I'm sure there's people here who feel the same way about friendships and wouldn't mind inconsistent conversation, I know I wouldn't as long as the other person doesn't expect me to... be super duper invested? Like I might be off in my own world for a few days? Haha.
 
goneepi said:
In a separate thread I mentioned how I can't talk about this Aspergers stuff with my wife. What that also raises is the fact that I don't really have any friends, not nearby or so close that I could burden them out of the blue with thoughts and feelings.

Since leaving the professional theatre about 11 years ago (I'm 39 and work from home for a nonprofit org), I really haven't cared about having friends. I more or less preferred solitude or time with my wife. Not friends, who come with needs and obligations and whatnot. Suddenly, now that I have no one to talk about this important subject with, I find myself, well, lonely. And I'm alone. ****.
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I relate to your reason for not wanting friends - the strings that are attached to that. This forum is really good for talking about Aspie things though. My husband is very supportive, but he already hears too much, I don't want to overload him!
 
8398 said:
(What a classy tortoise goneepi)
(Beautiful avatar Ambi)
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Thank you! I should have read forum rules about avatars, if there are any, because this image is actually stolen from an Etsy artist. :rolleyes: It's called "Tiger for Tatiana" by Lucy Campbell at LupiArt.
 
I have got to the point in my life that suddenly having friends is not the be all and end all of my existance, but yes, does cause loneliness, because I guess that decision does not come naturally; it is more to do with: am I just going to keep torturing myself that I cannot make friends?

I know some who I suppose could become friends, but in truth, I honestly have no idea how to persue it and so, just don't.

However, because I am a christian, I have to extend myself and so, right now working on hospitality and so, far so good; no lasting friends going on, but no sense of I am alone going on too.
 
Right! I don't want to now be at the beck and call of folks who want to "do stuff" all the time. This is the trade off I guess.

8398 said:
I came here basically for the same reason, I knew I was lonely but didn't realize how much so until I joined. I think what would suit me is to have somewhat typical friendships with people I can relate to, and a partner. It would be difficult to have a partner that's not understanding of it.... very. I wish I knew how to resolve that. I'm sure there's people here who feel the same way about friendships and wouldn't mind inconsistent conversation, I know I wouldn't as long as the other person doesn't expect me to... be super duper invested? Like I might be off in my own world for a few days? Haha.
Click to expand...
 
I like people but always cannot handle them any more than they handle me. I am confusing to them and they are to me. I keep defaulting into letting them be them but when I am me, they back off.

So now I am struggling wiht being OK not having friends. It is hard, but best.
 
One of the great challenges of being on the spectrum.

Our "love/hate" relationship with other human beings. Makes life so complicated and so often. :eek:
 
It effects my wife, too. She wants friends BADLY, but as much as I happily encourage her to go out and about with friends, I still wind up being an anchor holding her back.
 
I decided for the time being, I'm accept no new people in my life. For many people I interacted with, I learn people will give up on me within 3 months to 2 years. The biggest thing piss me off is some people be my friend because they feel sorry for me and the type of life I had. I don't need pity from anyone.
 
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