Do I have to become like my older brother?

[tree]

He would even tell me I needed to be a “jackass” like him if I wanted the girls’ attention. But I can’t list most of what he did here because most of it was really crude and vulgar actions.

Seems like *crude and vulgar* wouldn't attract the kind of
female person you (@Markness) would enjoy hanging out with.

 

[Markness]

Seems like *crude and vulgar* wouldn't attract the kind of
female person you (@Markness) would enjoy hanging out with.

It wouldn’t and I wonder why I can’t seem to attract women who don’t enjoy crude and vulgar behaviors.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Seems like *crude and vulgar* wouldn't attract the kind of
female person you (@Markness) would enjoy hanging out with.

Don't matter women only like that vulgar mean person and not me I become a mean person they are still repulsed by me.

 

[Wizardry]

He would even tell me I needed to be a “jackass” like him if I wanted the girls’ attention. But I can’t list most of what he did here because most of it was really crude and vulgar actions.

The existence of guys who can attract women without being a "jackass" disproves that idea entirely.

It wouldn’t and I wonder why I can’t seem to attract women who don’t enjoy crude and vulgar behaviors.

How many times have you had interactions with a woman that were going positively and subsequently asked them out within the past year?

If you can't strike up a conversation with a stranger you fancy, make a good impression and then ask them out, your only other real option is meeting women through social groups and the like. Women will rarely or very rarely make an overt move on you first, and non-verbal cues are easy for us to miss, or we may not know how to respond in the moment. If you're waiting for a woman to approach you and take all the social initiative, you'll be waiting a long time.

As I've said before, I'm thoroughly convinced at this point that this is predominantly a social skills issue. My belief that social skills are one of the most important factors for men trying to get dates is only becoming stronger as I learn more. We aspie men may be at a disadvantage, but it's far from hopeless, if you can get yourself socially calibrated. I have intentions of reaching out to a dating coach in the near future, and I'd suggest that you do something similar. It won't be cheap, and I'm sure there's a lot of work involved, but it seems like a worthwhile investment if it gives us the ability to get dates, know what to say and do on those dates, and know how to escalate towards a relationship.

It should be clear by now that ruminating over the subject isn't accomplishing very much.