Do I have to become like my older brother?

[Markness]

If you became those things you would be denying your authentic self, and so you would be pretending. You can only be you.

I don’t want to take up those behaviors and I dislike that people like my older brother, father, stepfather, and mother praise those things.

 

[Rodafina]

I don’t want to take up those behaviors and I dislike that people like my older brother, father, stepfather, and mother praise those things.

I think if you took up those behaviors, it would not feel very good.

 

[Markness]

I think if you took up those behaviors, it would not feel very good.

It wouldn’t because I would be angry all the time and even more stressed out than I already am. But somehow people with these mentalities still have friends and are in romantic relationships. I find it extremely baffling.

 

[Markness]

Would even those who don’t talk to me anymore be glad to hear if my life got better and I finally met a loving partner?

 

[Markness]

I take it the answer would be “No”…

 

[tree]

Would even those who don’t talk to me anymore be glad to hear if my life got better and I finally met a loving partner?

Who knows?

I take it the answer would be “No”…

This conclusion is drawn on an erroneous supposition.

The fact that nobody, as far as I know, is a mind reader on this forum,
precludes the possibility of a definitive reply to your question.

 

[Judge]

Would even those who don’t talk to me anymore be glad to hear if my life got better and I finally met a loving partner?

What a sad thought.

After so much time here, there is something very fundamental you still don't seem to understand. That people like that are most likely going to be permanently prejudiced towards you, no matter what you say or do. Yet you're always looking for a way to rationalize their influence with you. You can't.

I see this as a real problem that you remain so absorbed in what malicious people think of you.

You need to permanently remove them from your social orbit period. Or at least to the point where you don't know what they think, and more importantly you don't care.

Which would likely explain why such "bad influences" are perpetually setting you back even while you make social advances bit by bit. The only way to move forward socially speaking is to keep away from those who are so inclined to criticize you for even trying.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

One friend the other day told me to "kill them with kindness". Kind of hard when she has loving supportive people. However, she is a single woman, so I don't understand what she is going through.

However, when I told my therapist, he said it's hard to think that way.

 

[Markness]

What a sad thought.

After so much time here, there is something very fundamental you still don't seem to understand. That people like that are most likely going to be permanently prejudiced towards you, no matter what you say or do. Yet you're always looking for a way to rationalize their influence with you. You can't.

I see this as a real problem that you remain so absorbed in what malicious people think of you.

You need to permanently remove them from your social orbit period. Or at least to the point where you don't know what they think, and more importantly you don't care.

Which would likely explain why such "bad influences" are perpetually setting you back even while you make social advances bit by bit. The only way to move forward socially speaking is to keep away from those who are so inclined to criticize you for even trying.

Thing is that some of these people will insist they aren’t malicious and were just attempting to give me “harsh truths”, “tough love”, “reality checks”, or making me face facts before they decided to stop talking to me.

 

[Judge]

Thing is that some of these people will insist they aren’t malicious and were just attempting to give me “harsh truths”, “tough love”, “reality checks”, or making me face facts before they decided to stop talking to me.

That's just part of their "schtick". You're still trying to rationalize their malice.

- STOP.

 

[Markness]

I really just can’t stop thinking about my lack of a love life.

 

[tree]

I really just can’t stop thinking about my lack of a love life.

That must be fun, right?
Concentrating on a perceived lack.
Really inspires a person to wake up in the morning.

Seriously, how is this sort of focus working in your favor?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I really just can’t stop thinking about my lack of a love life.

I understand. It eats away at your very soul.

 

[Markness]

That must be fun, right?
Concentrating on a perceived lack.
Really inspires a person to wake up in the morning.

Seriously, how is this sort of focus working in your favor?

It’s not fun.

I suppose it keeps me from giving up.

 

[tree]

What sort of self talk do you give yourself?

I am asking because the public self talk you do here
on this forum is typically *I got nothing, I tried and I failed
again, I'm such a loser, the only way I can imagine getting a girl is
drinking, smoking and acting like a prick. Woe is me.*

On the seemingly more positive side, there is your inclination to want to
prove people wrong. Rather than focus on *win/lose: I'm right, they're wrong*
strategies, what I'd like to see is you speaking in a positive way to yourself,
the negativity factor reduced to re-thinking non-rational beliefs.

 

[Markness]

What sort of self talk do you give yourself?

I am asking because the public self talk you do here
on this forum is typically *I got nothing, I tried and I failed
again, I'm such a loser, the only way I can imagine getting a girl is
drinking, smoking and acting like a prick. Woe is me.*

On the seemingly more positive side, there is your inclination to want to
prove people wrong. Rather than focus on *win/lose: I'm right, they're wrong*
strategies, what I'd like to see is you speaking in a positive way to yourself,
the negativity factor reduced to re-thinking non-rational beliefs.

It can vary from being glad I broke away from the indoctrination that I was subjected to and feeling despondent over still being socially isolated at my age.