• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Disposable Friends?

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Have you met someone who acted like they were for you but they were ghosting you in some manner when you met them? This includes autistic friends.
 

Luca

charm & chaos
V.I.P Member
Yes, this has happened to me. I have had a lot of terrible friends, both autistic and NT.
 

Jeepcarpenter

Active Member
I apologize, I thought Ghosting was when someone randomly stopped responding or acknowledging you until a later time (if ever)… if that is correct, I don’t understand how that is happening when you meet, I just keep picturing someone ignoring you outright as they talk to someone else nearby..

In either case, agreed that it probably happens quite commonly for ASD’ers but find it’s more just certain people rather than specific types, and is fairly common place overall..

I’m quite horrible for not answering people when I am stuck in my ‘waiting to feel better and get doing something, anything’ mode.. and yep, ruined a lot of relationships either doing that, or the opposite and bringing them into my world…

I don’t stress much over it these days, the people that care will be there for me, the people that don’t obviously know we don’t need to waste energy on each other, I’d far rather pour energy into those I know will help me in return or help others going forward.
 

Jeepcarpenter

Active Member
I’m awaiting to know, curiosity is so entangling..

Pretty sure my first conception is wrong.. starting to feel it may be someone acting too good/cool to be associated to you at first, then later seeming like they were actually enamoured by you? Which I thought at first.. but the. Thought it kinda seemed narcissistic, figured it was my anxiety and dropped it..

Coming back around I can see it maybe as more their own pride getting in the way of a good thing.. but I’m still grasping at straws trying to conceive the actual situation represented.. don’t mind me.
 

Neonatal RRT

Well-Known Member
V.I.P Member
@Aspychata, then that is what I would call an acquaintance,...not a friend.

There's a big difference between the two.

To be a friend requires a fair amount of mental energy and consistency to maintain the relationship.
 

Atrapa Almas

70% INTJ + 30% ASPIE = 100% HUMAN
V.I.P Member
Have you met someone who acted like they were for you but they were ghosting you in some manner when you met them? This includes autistic friends.
Its quite common. Its called mirroring when its done unconsciously, but can be done in purpose to seduce or apear friendlier. In those cases it becomes a way to manipulate. Some manipulations are socialy accepted, like when a seller manipulate clients to increase their sales or bosses manipulate their workers so they are happier and more productive. Psicopaths also do that, but at another level. So yes, its quite common and a must handle when working at a company.




I hope they did not hurt you too much.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
I mean ghosting that they had already committed to not being a true friend. They said they were a friend but they told lies that endangered your well-being when they could have not said anything at all. I didn't understand how angry this made me. Last nite l had to confront them with this lie. And this came from someone who said they hated liars. So does that give you carte blanche to lie? On the first phone calls, it was l hate hate liars is all this person said. I think that's why l have been so upset. They say their memory is bad but to lie is more of don't lie period.
 
Last edited:

DogzSpirit

There's NOTHING to fix!
V.I.P Member
I am too blunt and have made poor friendship selection decisions.

Result: A friendship can be moving along at a decent speed, and them bam!
With myself where I believe I have found a friendship in the budding stage, here is what happens: The person behaves as if they are a victim. They are unhappy with their circumstances, and I say, well then change it.

Husband warns me not to be blunt or attempt to fall for help me situations in friendships.

An example: One person was unhappy as she was overweight. Nothing health wise was driving that, only her eating habits. I said Ok... nutrition is my special interest, and something I am well skilled with, would you like help? Oh yes, thank you was the response. I made suggestions which were put in place, everything from juicing, eating, and self perception positives. All were accepted. When they didn't follow through, I called them out on it.

Bam, relationship done.

I have had challenges and have put my foot down. So really, it is beyond me that someone receiving more than adequate support, both physically and mentally, cannot do that same. I even ordered the juicer for that person.

I like strong friends. I have stayed clear from un-empowered souls since those backfires.

Whose fault, were these past failures? Mine! I knowingly did the same thing again and again, treating these hurt people like I would my dogs. (I treat dogs very well, and care for them lol) Unlike dogs they don't soak up the help and love, but rather they bite when they become lost in their mind!

If you want a friend, get a dog, or if lucky, an empowered individual. Good luck on that second and finding a click of chemistry in that people type of relationship. Humans love to pity, excuse, and sabotage themselves eh?
 
Last edited:

Jeepcarpenter

Active Member
Ok I understood the mirroring that Atrapa brought up, but from what you just described.. I’ve been lucky to only experience on minor levels, in the race of youths social politics…. I can’t imagine the despicable intent someone would have later in life to do so, going out of their way to do so…

Very sorry that you had to experience this, I hope that you can get past such a nauseating and horrid experience still having faith in decent people out there.
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
I guess lies can be bothersome. Lies can endanger people. This person said yes this place is safe to live in. Then l had my defenses down when l moved in, and the place was infested with two legged cockroachs.
 
Last edited:

Atrapa Almas

70% INTJ + 30% ASPIE = 100% HUMAN
V.I.P Member
I guess lies can be bothersome. Lies can endanger people. This person said yes this place is safe to live in. Then l had my defenses down when l moved in, and the place was infested with two legged cockroachs. So l asked on this final place l am in now. Oh sure, that's a good place. Outright lies. That bothers me. Now l really distrust men. I also mentioned l was sick twice at their place. That trigger some ptsd issues l have. With friends like that who needs enemas?
People who cant properly do #2?


;):D:eek:o_O
 

Aspychata

Serenity waves, beachy vibes
V.I.P Member
Tough time right now. My routine was changed. And just put me in a funk. Thanks for the laugh. This was on a card in the Polk street area of San Francisco. The front of the card said "with friends like you", open the card- "who needs enemas".
 

The Lorax

Well-Known Member
People stop talking to you because they don't want to for whatever reason. Confrontations makes them feel uncomfortable. Even a change in social status can cause this.

It is very hard for people to say "please don't call me anymore I don't want to hang out anymore". It makes for a very uncomfortable situation. In NT world eventually the other NT understands why they are being ghosted and move on. That is the unspoken social order.

It is that simple.

Here is my rule when I was dating. If I went out on a date and things seemed to be ok I'd call the girl 3x. On the last time I would politely leave a message saying "This is the 3rd and final time I will leave you a message. I will assume you have no interest in me and I won't bother you anymore making you feel uncomfortable."

That was it. 3x is just enough for two mishaps which has happened to me.

So keep that static rule of 3 texts, 3 calls, 3 smoke signals and you will be fine. After the 3rd just let it go. You don't even need a polite message like I left. Just assume you are dust in the wind like the song.
 

Owliet

The Owl Lady
V.I.P Member
I guess my habit of pushing myself away from others really doesn’t help me with establishing relationships Either. I don’t mean to do this intentionally as it’s a means to protect myself from something bad happening, or if a relationship starts to be quite quick, difficult to process so I throw that wall up to try to process but I guess it’s thought I’m ghosting but I’m not doing it intentionally.I also have let my walls down and overhshared, over trusted and all and end up being hurt in some way. I think it’s one of the reasons why I’m currently trying to work on myself and im afraid of opening up to friendships with people because it’s becoming a problem. And I don’t mean to make others upset but I don’t want to be upset or confused or anything either. I seem to be very complicated. :(
 

New Threads

Top Bottom