Didn't go to Church today and felt nothing

[Fino]

99% of my socializing is done through church, primarily through Bible studies. If you're interested in making friends, it's great. As a dating pool, I don't know. I'm not wired that way. I don't fully understand some people's absolute desperation to be in a relationship. I do understand the desire to not be alone and to have someone who cares about you and listens to you and understands you, but that can all be gotten through friendship. I'm left with the theory that it's all about sex.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I did join so called bible study and all that freaking showed up were couples. I already made friends with a new couple like I need it like a hole in the head. I have more couples as friends than I have hair in my nose.

Also, since I walked to every life group meeting every week for 8 months and only once was there a possible single girl that showed up. She was not a stuck-up snob and talked to me. Otherwise, it's the same single guy Keith and four couples. Any new girls say they are going to show up but flake at the last minute.

So, I joined a Sunday group. I knew it would be mostly couples and kids. It was but there were two girls there. One a red headed stuck up snob ignored me no matter what I did even when I accidentally bumped into her. Then while waiting for my mother to pick me up everyone said goodbye to me except that red headed snob. Then I got a text from someone attending Sunday group thinking it was the red headed snob but no it was that guy Joe asking me out for a coffee date. Ewe. No thanks. I don't want to hang out with some middle aged single Italian American. No thank you. What really ticked me off is that I never gave him my number. I ended up leaving that life group because of one older lady swearing but even she says hi to me which I don't want to talk to her unlike that stuck up red headed snob.

There were two new groups that opened in the summer, but I purposely did not attend them because I knew it would be couples, single guys, same single as choice girls and if there were any new single girls, they would not give me the time of day. Then I would end up getting another coffee date with a guy.

 

[Fino]

Yeah, I was primarily talking about making friends. If you have a lot of couples being kind, friendly, and inclusive with you, you should praise God and revel in that joy. Friendship = happiness.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

Except when they rub it in like how they meet their spouse and their children.

 

[Thinx]

Tony you have the potential for a great sense of humour, in a gritty, grim sort of way. I am sure your personality has other upsides too that people appreciate. You probably need to work at not rejecting others too soon. For example the red haired girl was possibly nervous and anxious herself, at a new group.

You could say, I expect you are nervous, joining a new group, I know I was. Or similar. As Gerald said, even after you were pretty harsh to him, what do you offer others? Victor made good points too. We're trying to help, and even though you can be harsh, you do have some great ways of telling stuff. Do you write at all?

 

[Tony Ramirez]

For example the red haired girl was possibly nervous and anxious herself, at a new group.

No she was not. She was talking away to others at group and she would not give me the time of day. Only me.

 

[Magna]

I dont get the link between not going to church and feeling.
I go to church and feel nothing, and sometimes stay home - and equally feel nothing.

Is church about feeling?

Unless I'm wrong the general consensus is that a person is supposed to feel good about going to church, feel good when they're at church, etc.

I too rarely if ever felt anything "good" about going to church and most times it was the opposite for a number of reasons including sensory.

I've been fascinated as of late with the talks of Christopher Hitchens as well as Richard Dawkins.

 

[Gee Wyles]

I don't think church is the best venue if you are looking for some kind of dating action. Maybe you should try a bar.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

I don't think church is the best venue if you are looking for some kind of dating action. Maybe you should try a bar.

I would think a bar for someone with ASD would be the worst place with all that noise. All I know are quiet places like the park, library, church except when worshiping, home groups and church events but they all been dead ends which is why I am not passionate about always attending anymore.

 

[Gee Wyles]

It was just a suggestion since what you are doing clearly isn't getting you the results that you want. There are quiet bars and noisy bars but not much has been designed to accommodate an aspie so you have to adapt or quit whining about it. Get a dog and take your dog for walks. Women love puppies. Take a night class. There are plenty of things that you can do to find women if that is what your goal is.

 

[Judge]

For better or worse the workplace always offered me real opportunities to befriend coworkers that led to something more. Though I also got involved in adult education (photography) that also yielded a relationship.

I wouldn't consider bars let alone churches to look for any relationship.

You might google the following question: "How many people met their spouse in church?" You probably won't appreciate the results you find. Statistically speaking it would seem to be a pitiful way to meet people.

 

[Misery]

No she was not. She was talking away to others at group and she would not give me the time of day. Only me.

Did it ever occur to you that there might be a good reason for this?

Like... one of the reasons I and others have been telling you about over and over and over that you keep ignoring entirely?

 

[Fino]

The purpose of meeting your spouse in church is if you're genuinely Christian, you need to marry a Christian.

 

[Thinx]

No she was not. She was talking away to others at group and she would not give me the time of day. Only me.

Maybe she'd heard that you were grouchy? Word does get around. Maybe try a class like cooking or cake decoration you might meet women at? You would have to be careful not to be sharp with people.

 

[Slime_Punk]

Have you tried being lovable and inclusive to other people as they seem to be to you? If someone introduces you to their family, that's usually a really kind gesture that equates to, "Hey, you're my friend! Would you like to meet the people closest to me?".

No offense, and don't take this as an insult, but you might want to brush up on your social skills, @Tony Ramirez. Responding to this with borderline hatred and disgust might be why women think you're a little cold. Just a thought? Also, the homophobia is a little troubling as well, especially if these are fellow christians reaching out to you during fellowship. You could be missing out on some really good friendships, you know?

I'm not even religious, but you're almost making me want to go back to church a little bit. It sounds like you've got a very strong potential network there already, you're just somehow not seeing it.

 

[Luca]

Girls who are single by choice are not any worse friends to have than a girl who is single and looking. Or married. Same with single men and married couples. If you legitimately want friends, you should be more open-minded about the types of people you're willing to hang out with. I think this is limiting your choices.

 

[Thinx]

And friends can help you find a partner, and support you to do so. I met partners at work and at regular poetry meetings, and I am not good at unstructured social communication, they'll be drawn to talk with you if you seem shy but friendly. Smiling. Cracking some of your humorous comments, etc.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

My main friend Justin who is happily married and found his spouse at Church says I am obsessed with girls and not ready for a relationship.

 

[Judge]

My main friend Justin who is happily married and found his spouse at Church says I am obsessed with girls and not ready for a relationship.

One of the Catch-22s of the convention of dating. That if you appear emotionally needy, you'll turn most people off.

Yet if one is dating, most people presume they are inherently looking for a relationship. Maddening...isn't it?

Small wonder I eschewed dating altogether, preferring to seek good friends and avoid all the crap and angst. That way I could handle socialization at a slower pace without so many expectations and games that people play.

 

[Tony Ramirez]

All he keeps saying which ticks me off is that I need more guys and couples as friends which I don't want. I just want to be happy. Why is that impossible for me? I thought Church would be a good place to meet my female partner but at the same time I thought this forum would have more singles not married people here saying I am no good. It seems that me and @Markness want the same thing but we are always put down by the same people.