• Welcome to Autism Forums, a friendly forum to discuss Aspergers Syndrome, Autism, High Functioning Autism and related conditions.

    Your voice is missing! You will need to register to get access to the following site features:
    • Reply to discussions and create your own threads.
    • Our modern chat room. No add-ons or extensions required, just login and start chatting!
    • Private Member only forums for more serious discussions that you may wish to not have guests or search engines access to.
    • Your very own blog. Write about anything you like on your own individual blog.

    We hope to see you as a part of our community soon! Please also check us out @ https://www.twitter.com/aspiescentral

Did you have tantrums when you were a child?

I did have tantrums and a lot of crying meltdowns as a child, my mother teased me that I sounded like a "foghorn" crying. I also got threatened when I cried "I'll give you something to cry about" so I progressed to sulking and eating disorder (anorexia, at 12) and most likely clinical undiagnosed depression and then substance use, but this is getting into my mid teens, by then.
My mother sometimes yelled "if you carry on bawling you'll get a smack on your backside" (meaning the "I'll give you something to cry about" technique), but I didn't understand the meaning of that, so I often yelled "but that'll make me cry even worse!" Why is it the butt that they go for when spanking?
My mother sometimes yelled "if you carry on bawling you'll get a smack on your backside" (meaning the "I'll give you something to cry about" technique), but I didn't understand the meaning of that, so I often yelled "but that'll make me cry even worse!" Why is it the butt that they go for when spanking?
I wish I had thought of saying that! Coz it's so true! I remember my mum threatening to pull down my pants and spank me in the supermarket, because I was "pestering" her for food. I was 3 and I was utterly mortified at the thought that she would humiliate me like that, in public, way more than the threat of pain.
I always wondered why they (my mum was the only one though) wanted to smack the butt, it felt so violate-y.
I never did, to my kid's.
If I acted up in public my mum would angrily but quietly say to me "just you wait til we get home!" That usually shut me up. But back in those days the store clerk/staff would tell children off if they messed around, which was more scarier than my parents telling me off, so that usually kept my behaviour in control in public. Too bad store clerks/staff don't tell children off these days.

I knew my parents spanking me was part of being a child and them being the adults in charge, so I didn't think much of it. Spanking was the last thing they wanted to do and didn't do it often, but it did happen. When my brother was a teenager he'd egg my mum on, wanting her to hit him, and when she did he would laugh at her and run off.
When I was a teenager often me and my mum would have a fight, nobody was hurt as such, it was just one of those mother-daughter scuffles. But I could be a right brat though, my poor mum was at the end of her tether with me.
My mum was a bit of a hitter at times. It progressed to other forms of assault in my teens. I never hit back. Eventually I leaned to hold her off cause she would fly at me in a temper and I was stronger than her by that stage. It was all traumatic for me.
My mother sometimes yelled "if you carry on bawling you'll get a smack on your backside" (meaning the "I'll give you something to cry about" technique), but I didn't understand the meaning of that, so I often yelled "but that'll make me cry even worse!" Why is it the butt that they go for when spanking?
Well padded. Stings with no actual injury.
I smacked my youngest on the leg once. This was after years of him tantruming so bad he would attack me. I felt so bad though. I ended up holding him while he tantrumed, not roughly, telling him "its ok", because he would be so violent toward me. Mind you this was a five and under child.
That is why I question whether I am autistic and can relate to what others say on here but never had tantrums or obvious meltdowns.
If my dad got angry with me though sometimes I would raise my voice at him but I knew when to stop.
But not much at all, not school I got bullied heaps and was one of the most conscientious and friendly kids and I played by myself very peacefully and got along well with my brother.
And same with a teen only a few small troubles mainly with my dad. And I did not even like school very much then.
I don`t remember I had tantrums.
However. When I was 11 my teacher made lyrics about all classmates on blues brother music and the last part about me was (roughly translated from Dutch) "But sometimes he is also "BEEP" when he doesn`t get what he wants."
I never asked my parents about it. They actually made the BEEP sound in the song so I`d imagine my behaviour would best be discribed as an unpleasant word.
I ran away, just pissed off in general as a tween, and my father graded my run away note for grammar. My grandmother said when l was a toddler, we were at a giant bus terminal, and l had a complete screaming meltdown on the floor and refused to budge. Probably was just sensory overload, the people, the noise.
I remember when I was 11 I had a full-on temper tantrum when on vacation because my brother wouldn't sleep in the same room as me (there were 3 rooms where we stayed but there were 2 beds in my room). I screamed and kicked the wall, in the hope that it would change his mind. It didn't. So I carried on until the message had sunk in that he wasn't going to, and I finally accepted it and had worn myself out and fell asleep.
My parents were mad at me in the morning, understandably. They didn't spank me for that though. I think my mother kind of understood how I felt, as she'd have wanted to share a room with her brother on vacation when they were younger, but she still had to be stern and tell me that it was bad behaviour. I understood and didn't fuss any more about it for the rest of the vacation.
As I got older I no longer had tantrums, but had outbursts instead.

When I was a younger adult I had the most disruptive angry outbursts that involved screaming, shouting, swearing, yelling abuse, and excessive crying, all caused by an adrenaline rush that just caused me to fly up in a rage. While it was lucid and I knew and understood what I was doing, I still couldn't contain myself. But, no matter how angry I was, I never, ever hurt anybody. I never even damaged objects, except for my poor bedroom door that I kicked so much my foot went through.

I never even thought about physically harming anybody. Shouting and screaming abuse was the worst I did, which I know isn't right either and I do regret it. Luckily my family were very forgiving and they knew I didn't mean any of the bad things I said, but it was still upsetting for them at the time. I felt like a demented lunatic during those outbursts. I was just driven by this anger. I was like a bomb that could go off at any time. I was advised to count to 10 when feeling angry, but then when the anger came on it was too intense to stay calm and count to 10.

The triggers to these stupid outbursts were fear, depression or panic.

I had a weird phobia of snow, which would often set me off into one, irrationally thinking that by yelling and swearing the snow might all melt away. Or I was hoping for my mum to give me a solution or reassurance, but she was quite matter-of-fact when it came to my stresses and anxieties (even though she suffered with anxiety and stress herself).

Depression was the worst trigger of an outburst. Often when I was reminded of how lonely I was by seeing my cousins getting on in life while I wasn't, I would get resentful and angry and beat myself up about it - physically. I remember one time I was on the kitchen floor screaming "I WANNA BE NORMAL? WHY AIN'T I NORMAL LIKE EVERYONE ELSE IN THIS FAMILY?" It was actually very disturbing for my family to witness, as they were afraid I was descending into madness. It took me about an hour or two to calm down, and I then cried because I felt very bad for behaving like that, and apologised to my family.

Panic used to set me off too, sometimes. I remember when there were nuclear bomb threats around 10-12 years ago, and I asked my mum if it was just scaremongering news. But she said it wasn't scaremongering, it was real. When she was extremely anxious she'd be quite matter-of-fact about it, when what I really needed was reassurance and comfort. So I went into one, throwing myself on to the floor and screaming "NO!! NO!!! OH GOD!!!!!" I was hoping that by getting into a massive panic I might be reassured and comforted, but it didn't work. My brother then came in and shouted, "shut up! There ain't gonna be a nuclear bomb!" That was all I needed, and I calmed down and tried to rationalise instead.

There's probably many threads on Wrong Planet about it, all created by me lol.
I had a no nonsense step-father, so technically l couldn't throw tantrums. He was verbally abusive to my mother, and l was very aware of the dynamics between her and him even as a toddler. Later, he was physically abusive to me and my brother. My grandmother mentioned he was angry with her and threw a butcher knife her way. Like @Misty Avich , l struggled with shame, as in l felt l wasn't normal also, and l felt like l was letting my parents down. Later l realized l wasn't the golden child, my brother was, and that was another dynamic l struggled with until l was kicked out at 17. I remember that l had to be an adult at a early age to handle the family relations. One time my father kicked my brother so hard he was crying. I had to comfort him, and let him know it wasn't his fault. My mom to this very day will completely deny her husband was abusive. My step-father's dad got divorced and turned into a recluse and moved to the middle of nowhere. My step-dad's mom committed suicide sometime way after the divorce. So sad. My toddler story is l was sitting in the back seat of a car, and my dad was driving dangerously close to the side of the road trying to intimidate my mom. I brought my hands to my mom's shoulder, and said don't hurt my mom. I noticed an immediate change in his driving, and he abused her, but he never did it in front of me again.
Last edited:
A few tantrums here and there - one notable one was when my mother tried to put me in clothes I did not want to wear and I lay down on the floor yelling and screaming. Mostly I just went silent and sat in a corner or somewhere away from people when it got too much. Whenever I had to go somewhere with my parents into social situations I would take a stack of books and usually ended up somewhere quiet reading...
I don't think so, at least not more than the average child. I cried and would hide for hours and refuse to come out when my parents hired a babysitter when I was small, but I don't think that's too unusual? I was a very shy, more introverted child.
I seem to have started early to have secret meltdowns. For as long as I can remember, I would secretly hide in the bathroom during family holidays after a few days and have a good cry. I didn't know the reason then, but now I know it was because I was oversocialized and couldn't be alone. Also, I never liked family holidays and was always glad when we were back home and I was back in my room with all my stuff and my routine. I don't know if I had tantrums before that which were shut down by my parents. It seems suspicious to me that I hid my overstimulation and negative feelings from my family from such a young age on, but I don't remember any trigger for that.
Funny thing is that I never showed emotion as a child. That's what got me into trouble. My mutism and aloofness. A lot of adults disliked me because of that.
I do understand that all children have tantrums from time to time past the terrible twos/threes stage, but I believe I was more prone to them than the average child. I say this because I suddenly remembered when a family friend's son was 6, he threw a tantrum in the car because this soft play centre called Go Bananas was closed. He kicked the back of the seat repeatedly screaming "I wanna go to go bananas!!" I guess he just couldn't handle the disappointment. I know he doesn't have autism or ADHD or any other neurological disorders. He's in his 20s now.

But I couldn't imagine the other girls in my class having tantrums when at home. I used to think they were all perfect and I was the naughty problem child. To me they all seemed like little professors, wise beyond their years. It was just hard to imagine them going home and playing their parents up. But I bet they probably did, at least sometimes.
I've been told by my father that I'd throw tantrums when I was younger, but I don't really recall them because my memory is crap.
I do know that when he brings it up he tends to pair it with talk about how "I was a bratty child that'd throw tantrums when I didn't get my way, because my bio parents let me do whatever I wanted but he wouldn't stand for that."
Unfortunately due to my poor memory I can't really recall what those tantrums were like or why I had them, but tbh I don't entirely trust me father here and I have my suspicions that perhaps a number of my "tantrums" were related to my autism in some way but my father didn't know that's what was going on. And due to not trusting my father's judgment I can't exactly ask because I'd probably just get more of the same.
I did ask my aunt since she took care of me for a year if I acted out or seemed bratty to her and she said that no I was pretty well behaved, which just plays into my suspicions that my father was actually punishing young me for being autistic. Though I guess in that instance at least it could maybe be excused as just ignorance and not anything malevolent.

It's honestly kinda frustrating that I can't really properly recall my early childhood, and I wish I knew why. I dunno if it's because I'm autistic, or if it was a trauma thing, or what. Oh and btw I was 4 when I got adopted iirc.

I dunno if this would count as tantrums or just anger problems but I know in my teens I'd get frustrated with my father and complain to myself about how he's unfair and sometimes even physically hit things, nothing that could be damaged or at least that'd be bad to damage, as I'd often be outside so I'd smack trees or weeds with sticks, or attack the ground with a shovel. Or if I was inside, I'd typically be in my room so I'd hit my pillows or mattress.
My memory of childhood is actually very good and so that's why I can remember a lot enough to be able to write them down. And I know my memory isn't deceiving me by making up memories. I just know.

I remember when I was about 11 my dad was going to the mall. The Saturday morning started off calm. The computer was in my brother's room and I really wanted to play on it but he was in there and wouldn't let me in. I hoped he might go to the mall with my dad, but when I asked he said he wasn't. I so desperately wanted to play on the computer, so I made a fuss, yelled, screamed and cried. This started up an argument between me and my mum, and my dad suddenly lost the enthusiasm of going to the mall, so he slammed into the living-room. My mum needed him to go to the mall that morning to get something essential we needed for the house (she couldn't drive and the item we needed was too big and heavy to take on the bus). My sister, recovering from flu, woke up and told us to shut up. So my mum had reached the end of her tether, and yelled at me "you've upset the whole household now, all because you want to go on the computer!!!" She wasn't wrong. It seemed my tantrum hadn't given me what I wanted, but had given me what I didn't want (an upset family). I think most children learn this by age 5. Well, I had learnt that by age 5 too, but I was very impulsive so the tantrums began on impulse and forgetting to consider the consequences because of the emotion being too intense to handle.
I used to have meltdowns all the time when I was a child. When I was in third grade, I managed to curb them by keeping a vent diary. My biggest mistake was assuming my mother would respect my privacy. She found it, started screaming at me, reading it back to me and slapping me in the face every time she read something she did not like. Then she told everybody she knew about it. I pretty much gave up then.

New Threads

Top Bottom