Diagnostic Assesment Was Pathetic

[Progster]

Sounds like he lacked experience, or lacked experience with adults, It makes me wonder of they manage to be in this position in the first place, surely if one is to become qualified, one has to prove one's worth.

Diagnostic assessments seem to vary a lot in their nature and length. My private assessment was very similar, about 90 minutes - no filling in forms during the assessment, that was all done beforehand. My mum came with me, but he asked whether I wanted her to sit in on it, so presumably her presence wasn't strictly necessary. He didn't seem to go into much detail about my childhood and on the surface, the interaction seemed more like an everyday conversation, I wasn't drilled with questions, but I rather think he was probing to see my reactions to questions, watching my body language or leaving social cues and seeing whether I picked up on them. He did ask me some things that I found hard to answer. When the report came, he had picked up on quite a few things.

 

[allan619]

Thanks for all the great comments and advice. I will take some time before I make a final decision on what I will to do going forward.

The problem is that I now see myself differently. Before the assessment I was somebody who had discovered the source of why I felt different, the reason why I can't have close relationships, the reason why I can't be in large groups and the reason why I have professionally underachieved. It was ASD. Today, post assessment, I am somebody who is full of self doubt, maybe the source of all my issues isn't ASD at all, maybe it was all in my head. It may be the case that for me the damage has already been done, there is no gong back to how I felt before the assessment and therefore I may need to see this through to the end regardless. For anybody else in a similar position to me, you really have to think about whether it's worth the effort to get a diagnosis because if it's not forthcoming, it may well just shatter the peace and tranquillity that it once brought you.

 

[Sarah S]

I think you takend the RIGHT approach in that you have chosen to listen (ie read ) to us and given youre self some time with all this
Also in my case i have been searching for who i am and why i am etc... pretty mush ALL my life and its only in later years i FINALLY getting to get this puzzle together. So BELIVE me i understand how lost you must feel right now and know were STILL here for you and we DO care and understand.

 

[Pats]

Thanks for all the great comments and advice. I will take some time before I make a final decision on what I will to do going forward.

The problem is that I now see myself differently. Before the assessment I was somebody who had discovered the source of why I felt different, the reason why I can't have close relationships, the reason why I can't be in large groups and the reason why I have professionally underachieved. It was ASD. Today, post assessment, I am somebody who is full of self doubt, maybe the source of all my issues isn't ASD at all, maybe it was all in my head. It may be the case that for me the damage has already been done, there is no gong back to how I felt before the assessment and therefore I may need to see this through to the end regardless. For anybody else in a similar position to me, you really have to think about whether it's worth the effort to get a diagnosis because if it's not forthcoming, it may well just shatter the peace and tranquillity that it once brought you.

Allan, don't give up. In my diagnosis, consisting of 4 90 minute testing sessions, I often left feeling heartbroken because I didn't think the doctor was seeing it, as he was used to testing kids mostly. Being 59 at the time, he didn't seem to take into consideration the 59 years of life experience, in which I became pretty good at masking - matter of fact, it's harder NOT to mask than it is for me to mask. Even seeing someone that I wanted to see me as I really was I found myself masking and it was very frustrating to me because I know my insides never matched my outside, which is what people see and, if I kept masking, he wouldn't see it either. He did ask about if there were family members available and I told him both parents were dead and my siblings lived in other states. And I remember getting frustrated when he asked about special interests or obsessions and when I told him my current special interest it was not WEIRD enough to count. I don't know why the subject content would be more important than the amount of time and focus you put into it - I don't think you can find a subject of interest that no one else shares.

Anyhow, I ended up with a diagnosis. I know I would have been heart broken and even more confused if it had gone the other way because it was the first time in my life I had ever read about anything even close to how I had experienced my 59 years of life. It sounds like you got stuck with someone in training and I agree that maybe you should request to go to someone else. Just don't give up - you know way more about yourself than they do.

 

[Pats]

Oh, would like to add something. I really appreciate your courage to start this thread. I think it's really important. And I think all of us, who have been diagnosed late in life should highly respect you and this subject. It actually makes my stomach hurt to think about how this person has made you feel and it is unwarranted.

 

[tree]

@sidd851

It's possible the worker was looking for you to name
feelings/emotions surrounding the wish for a diagnosis.

Neither financial advantage, or educational goals disclose emotion.

I think she was looking for that. For you to describe
how you feel about not having a diagnosis, how you
feel about yourself now, how you expect to feel later...etc.
--
I don't know what "12 week Cert. course" may be.
Possibly a certification required for her particular job
classification?

It does appear that the two of you did not communicate
well with each other.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

I didnt have the same problems I went for a private practice with a psychologist and a psychiatrist actually specialised in autism so it was easier.
My problem was that eventhough I was like 85% sure myself that I have ASD , I always wanted to have a definitive and completely solid evidence of it,and going to asd specialists made me fear a confirmation bias on their side. But unfortunatly its impossible to have a 100% sure evidence.

Before my official diagnosis I had an appointement with another psychiatrist and it was exactly like you said, but from his point of view its logical I mean this is a very serious condition and you need time and more evidences to give a diagnosis.
I was tired of saying everything over again so my psychologist pointed me toward another psychiatrist that she works with and the diagnosis was faster.

Its based on your life, your behaviours, and its harder as an adult. of course.

I managed to bring all my weird behavirous as a kid, I think you have memories of them you just dont want to bring so many private things to someone you dont know.
For instance I was always repeating sentences in my breath after saying them, my mother made me work very hard to stop me from doing that.( thats actually because I discovered the aspieworld channel on youtube talking exactly about that that I started a diagnosis journey.)

I had a good feeling with my psychologist and even the 2nd psychiatrist so it was easier to share stuff.

I have aswell a very poor memory of my childhood, and i can even say my life overall, its because your stress level is throught the roof most of the time.

Make a list, ask your family if you can, so the next time it doesnt get you by surprise.

First time I went to a psychologist ever ( I felt I wanted to die, had severe eating disorders and some self harm behaviours) , I couldnt even talk at all.

I waited 9 months for this test, I don't think I'll be going back.

If you need it keep it up, in the next months for me it might change my life so it was worth,maybe it will help you aswell you never know.

I can't see how your parents and sisters' ages and occupations can affect your having an ASD, or be relevant in any way.

Its because autism is shared in family, my father has actually more visible autistic and adhd traits than me for instance, but I discovered that by learning about asd in the first place.

For instance if you are socially isolated and have a "typical autistic lifestyle" , but all the rest of the family is realy social and outgoing, it may suggest to the therapist that something else might be going on, like depression or trauma. Of course I exagerated but you get the picture.
In my family no one is social for instance, and a bit weird, bad nutrition and they have all they oddities

One cause of autism might also be the age of the mother ( and now evidences show that it can aswell be affected by the age of the father)
So this is always relevant to talk about your family when you have an assessement with a psychologist.Well especially when you look for a diagnosis of a genetic condition.

 

[Iamnotarabot]

It was ASD. Today, post assessment, I am somebody who is full of self doubt, maybe the source of all my issues isn't ASD at all, maybe it was all in my head

Sorry for double posting but I just saw this message, I have to tell you that even after an official diagnosis this idea is still in my head sometimes, because I was always pushed to hide all my weirdness , hide my stimming and everything like that, so a part of me just want to be like anybody else and just get better.

I guess its somekind of denial, I dont know. My own parents dont want to hear about anything related to asd and adhd and mental illness.

 

[Tesseract]

My own assessment lasted less than 30 minutes. I was asked a few questions about my background and how I would tend to respond to certain situations, and that was basically it. She was a trained psychologist, but it seemed to me at the time that I was there just to get a certificate of some kind, announcing that I was now a full member of the 'Spectrum Club' (or something). It felt like a mere formality, and nothing else, as though I was there just to confirm what everyone else already knew. For all I know, I may not even be on this alleged spectrum. Unlikely, but still possible.

 

[Clueless in Canada]

I'm on a waiting list for assessment by a psychologist who specialises in ASD and has experience with adults but will be paying for this assessment as it's private. I saw a psychiatrist recently, which was covered by my medical coverage but it was a pointless appointment other than perhaps to rule out BPD or Bi-Polar issues. She knew nothing about autism and wasn't going to even attempt to diagnose it. I understand your fear of being told you are not autistic when you have concluded that you are and it explains your whole life. That is how I feel too. Although I will be able to bring a parent with me, I am 52 years old and have been masking much of my life. Both my parents are at least high in autistic traits so basically to them I seem pretty 'normal' and I'm worried this will hinder my assessment.

When I made my appointment I was asked over the phone what I hoped to gain from diagnosis. My responses seem to have been considered good ones but I also stated that I didn't need the diagnostic that included recommendations of accommodations for work or school since neither of those are part of my life anymore. This will mean a lower fee and it strikes me that it also takes some of the pressure off the clinician.

So much to worry about and at least a year to wait! I agree with the others who have advised you not to give up. If you read the stories of many females on the spectrum, misdiagnosis and years of denied diagnosis is typical.

It's good that you are here on this forum. There is so much support and good advice here.

 

[Progster]

Another thing I would like to point out here is that people often find it hard to recall memories when they are under pressure. It certainly happens to me. In that kind of situation there are so many things doing on, so many thrings to process at once - a new environment with a journey to get there, stress, the interaction with the interviewer, new smells, sites, etc, so much to process and it can be very difficult to recall things. I often come out of meetings like these not having said all the things I could or should have said, simply because there is too mcuh going on at once.

 

[sidd851]

@sidd851

It's possible the worker was looking for you to name
feelings/emotions surrounding the wish for a diagnosis.

Neither financial advantage, or educational goals disclose emotion.

I think she was looking for that. For you to describe
how you feel about not having a diagnosis, how you
feel about yourself now, how you expect to feel later...etc.
--
I don't know what "12 week Cert. course" may be.
Possibly a certification required for her particular job
classification?

It does appear that the two of you did not communicate
well with each other.

Apparently, we did not.

I asked my GP specifically for someone that could steer me through the diagnostic process, not "Miss Cleo".

Had I asked her to, or actually given her permission to, I am certain that she could have "found" some emotions.

Perhaps this is that "communication difficulty", that "we" have.

 

[tree]

@sidd851

It looks like the initial difficulty began by telling the GP you
wanted someone to steer you through the diagnostic process.
This could mean anything from *I'm terribly confused and seek
guidance* to *I want somebody to rubber stamp my self
diagnosis.*

The quotation marks in your reply appear to indicate scorn or
resistance. The idea that a therapist would want a client to
identify emotions is not equivalent to being a voodoo priestess.

Typically a person does have feelings that can be identified.
Typically a person's behavior is influenced by his own feelings.

You are, I assume, familiar with alexithymia.

 

[sidd851]

@sidd851

The quotation marks in your reply appear to indicate scorn or
resistance. The idea that a therapist would want a client to
identify emotions is not equivalent to being a phony psychic.

Typically a person does have feelings that can be identified.
Typically a person's behavior is influenced by his own feelings.

You are, I assume, familiar with alexithymia.

Yes, I am aware of alexithymia..

Unfortunately, she was not looking for alexithymia, as you suggest.

She was self-admittedly not trained to identify ASD.
She also answered in the negative when I asked if she would seek training in order to treat me.
She is also by her very admission, not familiar with ASD.

When I pay for services, I generally like to get what I pay for.
I did not pay for "feel good" services. I paid for informational services.

I do have concern for her lack of experience, however, I will not be the one providing it.

Further, I gave her the opportunity to adjust and include ASD in her studies.
She declined to do so.

This is sort of like calling for an electrician, and having a plumber show up.

How long should I pay him for?

My scorn is at the communication difficulties that we have. Somehow, I said "ASD eval", and they heard "mental health eval"

Didn't realize that I was afflicted so badly.


If you went to a doctor for diagnosis of a physical impairment, would you settle for a mental health evaluation?

I did not ask to treat my emotions in lieu of an ASD evaluation.

Am I in the wrong, here, somehow?

 

[Pats]

Good question, Fino. (Hi Buddy!)

The "therapist" that I just quit, asked why the dx was "important" to me.

I explained that it would be beneficial for me to meet people with the same experience(s). The same condition(s). That I could learn from them. However, I cannot join any autism support groups without a dx(I've tried).

I also explained that there were several more "practical" reasons.
I intend to return to school, and I would like to be eligible for any aid that the school's support staff could provide.

I explained as well, that I had several comorbidities, and that if I wished for treatment or therapy, it would be more appropriate if I had a dx to tailor the appropriate course of action or method(s).

We spoke for a few more minutes, and she asked me why I "wanted" the dx.

I reiterated the above, and told her that in addition, it would provide a foundation of information that could help, and empower me.
We spoke a while longer, and she asked me
what it would "change" if I had the dx.

I explained all of the above, and told her that it could help to change the way that I made "life decisions", as my life hasn't been so great, so far, and it is apparent that I have made every decision in life thus far, through the lens of ASD. That if I knew for certain, I could begin to use tools and methods for coping that other "ASD's" do, and know that they were appropriate, not just doing anything, willy-nilly, differently.
I told her of my crushing loneliness and my difficulty interacting with others, and that I would feel more comfortable and welcome, with others with a similar background and difficulties.

We spoke a while longer, and she asked what I would do "differently" if I had the dx.

I'll stop there, as if I describe further the interaction, I may say something I'll regret.



Now, I try very hard, to give people the benefit of the doubt.
But, when I ask anyone, repeatedly, for help and assistance, especially if they've been to school for it, and I describe fully why, and they continue to question, as if I had an ulterior motive for desiring a dx, I get the feeling that they never really gave a shot about me, anyway.

If I don't get that dx, I'll never be able to infiltrate and destroy some organization
that helps those with ASD. (Now, doesn't that just sound stupider'n hell?)

This entire system is designed to intercept patients at the lowest, cheapest level of care. You see, it's not about actually treating or helping a patient, it's about being able to say that you did.
If you can bill for saying that you provided appropriate treatment, why the hell would you ever provide appropriate treatment?

So, I'm hoping that I never suspect that I have cancer or epilepsy or food poisoning.

sidd

That would have been totally irritating, to say the least. Sounds like you gave the appropriate answer and if she had wanted a different kind of answer, she should have specified what she was looking for. I probably, after the first couple times she asked, would have asked her what SHE was looking for, because apparently she's not satisfied with the answer you've already given.

What difference does it make 'why' anyway? If I go to a doctor and say I want him to listen to my lungs and see if something is wrong, I would expect them to listen to my lungs without having to go into all the possible reasons. Maybe I just want to make certain they're working okay.

With a therapist - if someone went in and said they wanted assessed for depression, do they question it? Do they ask what difference it would make to them? No - because they don't have to know specifics. Lack of understanding about autism would be the only reason the therapist would need to know more specifics possibly, and not being able to understand your answer - cause she doesn''t know how any of it works.​

 

[Pinkie B]

Sorry that your diagnostic didn't go well... But it might be worth looking into getting a private assessment done... I did mine with a private psychologist and he asked me to bring someone with me - I brought my partner. It lasted about an hour and a half. While there didn't seem to be a questionnaire as such, the doctor asked my partner questions on how I react to things and deal with other people. My childhood wasn't brought into it at all, which I suppose is strange, but I do actually remember quite a lot of it. Even as far back as being a toddler.

Wow! I had something really important to say when I hit the quote button, but then I wanted to read everybody's messages first, and then I forgot what I wanted to say.

But I guess probably I was curious what a "private assessment" is? I always thought all assessments were private? and it sounds like your experience went really well. I'd like to have an experience like that.

 

[Monachopia]

But I guess probably I was curious what a "private assessment" is? I always thought all assessments were private? and it sounds like your experience went really well. I'd like to have an experience like that.

Haha, no worries about forgetting - that's me all over! I always have some question then forget what it was

Private assessment means not on the NHS, I'm not sure where you are, so it's the National Health Service here in the UK. Basically I went to a private doctor and pay him a fee to see me right away rather than wait for months for the system to allocate a doctor/resources. I try to avoid NHS most of the time especially for mental health issues, the support in that area is pretty horrendous.

 

[sidd851]

Good question, Fino. (Hi Buddy!)

The "therapist" that I just quit, asked why the dx was "important" to me.

I explained that it would be beneficial for me to meet people with the same experience(s). The same condition(s). That I could learn from them. However, I cannot join any autism support groups without a dx(I've tried).

I also explained that there were several more "practical" reasons.
I intend to return to school, and I would like to be eligible for any aid that the school's support staff could provide.

I explained as well, that I had several comorbidities, and that if I wished for treatment or therapy, it would be more appropriate if I had a dx to tailor the appropriate course of action or method(s).

We spoke for a few more minutes, and she asked me why I "wanted" the dx.

I reiterated the above, and told her that in addition, it would provide a foundation of information that could help, and empower me.
We spoke a while longer, and she asked me
what it would "change" if I had the dx.

I explained all of the above, and told her that it could help to change the way that I made "life decisions", as my life hasn't been so great, so far, and it is apparent that I have made every decision in life thus far, through the lens of ASD. That if I knew for certain, I could begin to use tools and methods for coping that other "ASD's" do, and know that they were appropriate, not just doing anything, willy-nilly, differently.
I told her of my crushing loneliness and my difficulty interacting with others, and that I would feel more comfortable and welcome, with others with a similar background and difficulties.

We spoke a while longer, and she asked what I would do "differently" if I had the dx.

I'll stop there, as if I describe further the interaction, I may say something I'll regret.

Now, I try very hard, to give people the benefit of the doubt.
But, when I ask anyone, repeatedly, for help and assistance, especially if they've been to school for it, and I describe fully why, and they continue to question, as if I had an ulterior motive for desiring a dx, I get the feeling that they never really gave a shot about me, anyway.

If I don't get that dx, I'll never be able to infiltrate and destroy some organization
that helps those with ASD. (Now, doesn't that just sound stupider'n hell?)

This entire system is designed to intercept patients at the lowest, cheapest level of care. You see, it's not about actually treating or helping a patient, it's about being able to say that you did.
If you can bill for saying that you provided appropriate treatment, why the hell would you ever provide appropriate treatment?

So, I'm hoping that I never suspect that I have cancer or epilepsy or food poisoning.

sidd

@tree
AND, I might add:

Perusing what I wrote above:

If I didn't know anything at all about
the fellow that wrote the above---
I don't need to.
I can tell more about him from simply what he said above, and know exactly what kind of person he is.
It's enough.
Sometimes it really is that simple.

 

[tree]

Yes, it's true.
It is possible to form an impression from written material.

 

[the_tortoise]

he problem is that I now see myself differently. Before the assessment I was somebody who had discovered the source of why I felt different, the reason why I can't have close relationships, the reason why I can't be in large groups and the reason why I have professionally underachieved. It was ASD. Today, post assessment, I am somebody who is full of self doubt, maybe the source of all my issues isn't ASD at all, maybe it was all in my head.

Whatever the name or cause of your problems, they are still real.

You may have ASD, you may not, but even if nobody would diagnose you with ASD it doesn't mean you don't have legitimate struggles or differences -- nor does it mean that your struggles/differences aren't things you have in common with ASDers/diagnosed ASDers.

I know it is difficult because people so often won't even try to understand your difficulties/differences without an official label -- so professional validation becomes very important.....more important than it should be, I think. (In an ideal world everyone would just try to understand and accomodate each other, diagnosis or not...of course we don't live in an ideal world.)