Desperately need help and advice on this man

[NT seeking a clue]

Thank you Tia Maria.

Sorry, I have been in bed sick with the flu this last week (I think it has all got me run down).

Yes my work meeting with bosses went fine. They agreed to keep it completely confidential (as I told them if my fear of consequences from him)

The female of the couple told me I had been advised to get away from him (which I had). She said everyone knows that he has issues, and said that he was dysfunctional before I even came to the company (he was there 5 weeks before me).

He had followed through with the request to be removed as buddies. But he obviously doesn't know I showed them the email ( as above ). I told them that I don't want to be made a scapegoat of, and they agreed.

The male boss told me to block him (as he did me). And find another boyfriend (with his head in his hand) lol.

I have to see him for two days this week for a course, which I am absolutely dreading. I feel so hurt, broken and stupid to think I was dealing with someone who innocently did not know how to navigate love.

I will be ok, one day. I don't trust many men but gave this one 100% of my faith that his intentions for me were good. Never again I suppose.

 

[nowwhat]

Move on. Move on. If you're not willing to risk foolishness, it's not love. Unavoidably in this game, you lose mostly, if very lucky, win once. Most never win at all.

 

[Hopeless_Aspie_Guy]

trying to gain some insight into the Aspie man I'm in love with.

How the hell does an aspie guy end up getting someone as attractive as you???

 

[Cali Cat]

How the hell does an aspie guy end up getting someone as attractive as you???

Lol ... it happens, dude. It happens ... lol. Not all pretty women are superficial ... most, but not all.

 

[Cali Cat]

Hi all

I'm new to this site today, but have been reading threads on here for a while, trying to gain some insight into the Aspie man I'm in love with.

We met in Feb of 2013. He was my new manager. Because he hadn't been given a sufficient handover, I helped in his new role to make things easier on him.

The first time he met me he was fumbling his words and couldn't really say more than 3 words whilst looking at me, things progresses and we developed a friendship.
By April we talked on the phone for an hour a day while I was working (general chit chat about work) and I had emergency surgery which was major.

He came to see me in hospital once. (Something he now says he would have done for everyone)

I returned to work after 4 months of recovery, and the company were not good to work for then. He pursued me, paid me so much attention and made me feel like we were perfectly the same in every way. He even mentioned that we must have been twins in a past life.

About a month later, due to the troubles with the workplace He told me he had resigned, so I decided to leave too. He had a new job to start and called me to tell me to apply as this small company needed someone else. I did, with my resume and his reference I got the position.

We have worked there for just over a year together now. I knew he was a shy and awkward person socially so I thought because he liked me but hadn't made physical advances, this was the only way he could think to keep me in his life.

Fast track a year now. We've spent literally thousands of hours on the phone, we would have 8 hour phone conversations, I wanted all along for it to progress to him coming round, which he would do maybe once every 3 months, it was awkward at times because he wouldn't make much eye contact, but I found his presence calming and liked been around him.

We talked about intimacy a lot and he would tell me about the number of women who are after him. He once mentioned that he wouldn't have sex before marriage but he contradicts himself so much that when he said he had slept with 5 or 6 women I thought the usual (don't know what's true, to myself). He has known for a year that I'm in live with him. He told me that he had never been in love before or really got to know a girl, told me he can't sleep in the same bed as anyone and would make ex gfs leave after sex.

We talked about kissing 4 months ago and he came to my house with the goal of me kissing him (he said he wouldn't initiate) I was shy by then so he told me to kiss him at the end of the night. I did and it was beautiful.

These visits have continued and progressed to sex, he will come, be beautiful and spend the next week berating me in the telephone, lashing out and telling me I'm not special to him.

The gentleness I have displayed along with copious patience and love over the last 18 months are being met with phsycological abuse to a big degree.

It's as though he can't let anything be nice, he always has to put a negative spin on anything positive and it hurts me so much. Everyone we work with thinks he is strange and asks me so many questions about him ( they don't know what's going on behind the scenes) and all I do is get defensive as I am protective of him.

I stopped my directors from having a talk to him 2 weeks ago about his 'arrogant behaviour' in team meetings, as I told them he may just disappear if they do, and his disabled clients love him. He doesn't know I did that or there was a problem.

He told me in derogatory terms that all I am to him is a pair of t**ts, when I objected and told him how much it hurt me, he backed it up by saying that when my clothes are off, I'm a piece of meat and when they're on I'm me.

The first time we were sexually intimate I swear he was a virgin.. He was a nervous wreck. He says he doesn't need sex at all. We have done it 6 or 7 times now and he got better (relaxed wise) each time.

He would say the most beautiful things to me while intimate, go home and spend the next week being so Nasty and mysoginistic to me. He ended our 'arrangement' (as he calls it) weekly, before I would ask him to come back. I hung up the phone on our last conversation a week and a half ago and he will now not talk to me.

He has said our arrangement is over again. Were at a bit of a stale mate now but I love him, I miss him but I hate the way he makes me feel about myself.

Is this behaviour typical of Aspie men? I have mentioned asburgers to him a few times but he calls me a dumb b**ch, the C word and says I'm the most selfish b**ch he has ever met.

Please tell me what I can do ?

After reading your entire story, my advice is to run like hell.

This is not Asperger's Syndrome. This appears to be a personality disorder (i.e. Narcissistic or Borderline). There is a good place on the Internet to visit regarding Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD). It's called Welcome to Oz. They have a forum where you could learn more about it and see if it applies to him. I believe they also have some info on Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). There is plenty online about both.

This man of yours may well have Asperger's Syndrome, but that is not the nasty side of him.

I just left a man who has AS and I also believe BPD. He also went to great lengths to make it seem as though we were so much alike. I won't go into the gory details, but he turned out to not be the person I thought he was. The more time we spent together, the worse he got. I guess he got more comfortable being himself around me.

There are plenty of instances where other conditions exist concurrent to Asperger's. I would do some research on NPD first, and see if you can correlate some of his behavior with that. If you do, then my advice is as stated above: Run like hell.

 

[paloftoon]

NT seeking a clue, you can totally do better by trying to get to know most anyone here than what you have right now. We're curious to know what area you are in, but no pressure of course!

Also, get out of that situation by finding another job asap as that situation you are in with him is too messy and ugly. Harassment is hard to prove. If you want to go that route, might not be worth it to try that route until after you leave the job so that the bridges you may burn by making that accusation can be saved by the fact that you no longer work for said company. Cause if you bring up harassment at that job against that man (while you're still working at that same company) and others support him, others might try to find ways to protect him and/or immorally make your life a living hell because people are selfish and manipulative, and only want to see what they want to see sometimes.

You can do better and are very capable, and this is despite a brain surgery. I 'see" how well you still speak on here. I hope that the surgery has only helped you and not given you any side effects. Not sure about your mobility, but you don't need to discuss that on here unless you want to.