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I have been told many a time, that I am imagining something, because as far as others are concerned, they have not seen it and so, it must be in my head.
Mostly related to how other females treat me.
I can relate with you on this. Due to being abused in some fashion (sexually, physically, verbally, mentally) until I was twenty-nine, I have become acutely aware of behaviors others exhibit, vocal tones, word usage... anything that would give off warning signs. My husband didn't trust my judgments during the first few years of our marriage but, after my observations proved accurate time and again, he never questions me now. If I tell him that I don't like a person, he knows to avoid them even when I haven't been around the person long enough to pin-point the reason.
Women are the absolute worst. I currently don't have any close female friends because interacting with women became a real source of tension and I have enough going on in my life that sets off my anxiety.
i can relate,your definately not alone its a common thing among us, its the scariest feeling in the world to live in constant fear of yourself and others.I use to perceive that the Police, Taxi Cabs, Bikers. Russians, Germans, Muslims, CSIS, and my Psychiatrist were out to get me. And that everything I say would get out to these people and effect me in a negative way. Since being on 20mg of Abilify I do not notice it too much anymore.
although my autism label is different to yours,i do have psychosis im not sure of what label it is,theyve never diagnosed anything but i scored very high on the schizophrenic PANSS test [carried out by a pyschologist].
my delusions were about thinking support staff,my family,anyone! were disguised as normal people and were planning on killing me,so i used to attack them and i even went as far as trying to make a DIY bomb in the residential home i lived in but they turned the fire alarm on so i collapsed into a sensory overload oblivion and was unable to carry it out.
another other delusion was i thought people on the tv were speaking directly to me and that i could communicate to them through my thoughts.
another delusion i had was i thought the walls were covered in spy cameras,recording me,i thought they were in the light fittings to so i covered everything i thought was a camera.
another delusion-i saw fire on the ceilings of buildings, i would cower under tables and shake and bang my head as i was so afraid.
and i dont know if its classed as a delusion but i saw a scottish guy called james and he used to make me do bad things as he threatened to hurt my pets,he was a very nasty person.
having been on anti pyschotics for years,they simply changed me to haloperidol and upped it to 10mg which helped remove the pyschosis stuff mostly,i dont see 'james' anymore but i do hear voices being very nasty about me.
i still ocasionally get tactile halucinations where it feels like i have insects all running around under the skin of my limbs,i am still paranoid of humans i dont know but i can also relate that to the cyber bullying i had suffered [which partly led to my illness].
Phew! I was beginning to doubt my self-diagnosis as we're not supposed to be able to read signals, expression, etc. Admittedly, some of my skills have been learnt due to my previous career with people with learning disabilities; but I do sometimes discern things in people that nobody else notices, and if I mention them, the others just shrug it off. I, too, have been put in the wrong and told I was imagining something, or I was twisted, only to be proved right later on.
I've also done the opposite, told myself I was imagining something and not to take things personally, for example, only to be told off or proved right over the very thing I was trying to disprove! It doesn't happen now, mainly becaue I'm out of the worplace, but there have been times when I thought I just couldn't win and would never get it right!
I am surprisingly good at picking up signals, possibly because I'm focussed on the immediate, so not distracted by conversation, and notice things more; and I've learnt to trust my instincts and, if in doubt, to act on them until/unless proved wrong.
i completely agree,they also relie on calling anything psychotic; schizophrenia but not everything is as we know.im actually glad that my pyschiatrist is shite and has only written things like 'emma has halucinations' on my file.You have just proved that psychiatrists and psychologists tend to throw the word: delusions around somewhat!
I would go onto websites talking about wars, politics and death
I did the same. Seeing other people go from being good, moderate people to become more and more extremist and far off the deep end really put me off that though. Never again.