Doubletime
Well-Known Member
Looking at the topics posted on this site is pretty bloody depressing if you have aspergers as i do...." You just have to except who you are and be happy with the few friends you got " " I can't expect to be invited to every single big social event " " That stuff is not for us " and so forth and forth...I have been checking trough several aspergers forum and NEVER EVER have i seen a single aspergers success story...
Lets be honest...Most of us would give up any intellectuell advantages for social skills so we could get friends instead of getting good grades....Ever since we started school we have been wanting to get friends and fighting too get it...Allthough the vast majority of aspies have givven up the fight long ago and excepted defeat....They have accepted the fact that they will never be populair or have hordes of friends by their side wherever they go. I found this to be a very depressing way of reasoning. Because allthough it is bloody hard, getting a fully normal social life or even becomming populair is possible for us aspies...
I know because i myself have allmost accomplished such a feat.All the way up to my 18th birthday i was basicly a looner with....7 friends on facebook..... Despite the fact that my class(knowing that i had aspie) Tried to just absorbve me as a part of the group i did not believe in myself enough to just go for it..I was allways afraid of failing...I did not take care of myself to leave a good impression(Sexy clothes+ calmed hair) And i ultimately failed at that point....So i decide that i wanna do something about it for real during the summer holiday break ! As my family will move to a compleatly new town i decided to go for the change and allways dress good...i had 1 last year left in school and wanted to achieve a social redemption...I wanted to crush my aspergers and gain a at the very least normal social life..And now...With 4 months left before the school is over...I have 126 friends on my facebook(23 out of 25 FB friends with my classmates)and i am very close to achieving my goal...All i need to do is to gain more confidence and i will have this victory in the bag !
Ofc it has not been painfree....I was so nervous the first day that i mannaged to make a permanent enemy(Teacher paired me up with him and i said some rude unintentional stuff and he has been hating me relentlessly ever since) ALlthough ofc all his closest friends like me xD he did try to keep them from being my friends but he failed..And i made many more screw ups due to being an aspie(ETQ don't know what to say but gotta talk so you say whats on ur mind and it gets horribly wrong you don't realize what you done untill after it happend) And so forth...I still have a few barriers to fight...I still need to gain a stronger social influence on more people(Got 4 close friends atm and maybe 8 friends rest neutral too me except 4 people who are negative towards me). I gotta fight very hard to win over my aspergers...But it is definetly possible...
So what we have here is a halfway trough success story...I have 126 FB friends atm which is pretty bloody good for an aspie who only had 7, i am so open to new relationship now that some people are turned off by me being too socially agressive(While others embrace me right away)i have gained new confidence in myself, and as soon as i can get the last bit of social confidence i will have the victory in my bag! Even if i do not make any progress i have gotten very far in my fight against the Aspie Hex..
Of course you can't " defeat " aspergers as in eliminating it just like that....But you can have a normal social life despite having it, all you need is some confidence and some bloody gumption as well as alot of optimism ! For example if i have had the same mindset today as when i started the first year at my old school i could have been socially integrated there easily as they even wanted me too be socially integrated with them....The reason as to why i didn't become socially integrated was that i did not believe in myself/take care of myself..Exactly what leasson can be learned from this ?
Alot of times the way we percieve a social situation is alot worse then it is...Instead of assuming that you will be the odd man out in a classroom take innitiative to know several people....You will do misstakes several times but you will be able to work trough it...Instead of blabbling about how you can't seem to get friends go to the gym...Go out jogging..Have a makeover...pepp urself with optimistic thoughts and if someone is getting ur morale down then tell them off(My brother and sister constantly made me feel bad about myself...By constantly saying things like " Thats why you don't have any friends " or " Thats not what you are suppost to do in this situation " bla bla bla...You may never be " normal " But you can still have a " normal " social life...If you have a simmulair problem with people in the family tell them off..I was actually never really bullied at my school despite the fact that everybody knew what i had...I was more bullied by my sister and my brother saying things like " Retard" Quitely if i answerd a phone call that was clearly not meant for me..)
If you have a problem with relatives you have to live with every day doing theese things...DON'T accept it ! I saw a board here were a aspie girl had problems with her relatives bullying her on facebook and stuff...Instead of reseonign with such a person you should give them 1 warning...If they cross the line in spite of ur warning by posting abusive messages on FB then unfriend them and block their PMs...If you ahve a problem with a sibbling then confront the sibbling about it " I am not ok with you calling me retard you better never do that again " If that doesnt work...Then tell ur parents about it...They are being much more cowardly by attacking someone they think of as weaker verbally or otherwise.. DON'T Accept being bullied or downvalued by anyone and in particulair not people that you have to see every day ! In order to defeat ur aspergers you will need very high morale and self esteem....better just eliminate bullies from ur life...If it happends at school then do anything necessarrly to make it stop..
Make sure that you look and smell good whenever you go to school...Take care of ur hair and choose some pieces of cloth that will boost ur self esteem ! All you really need in order to start making friends if self esteem and good impressions(ETQ not smelling or having greecy hair "...You should allso do something like going to the gym in order to elevate ur esteem in the long run... Or if you are a girl go out jogging to get a nice sexy body...
Part of the Aspie hex is ur dissabillity to sence what is going on in diffrent situations and how you should react....The only way too overcome this is trough trial and error=You will do many misstakes....But that is ok as long as the end growth is reached ! As an aspie you have no/little friends because you have no social skills...You have no social skills because you have no/little interactions with friends...OBviusly you have to break this circle...
I pledge too all the readers of my elaborate post...Never ever be happy with a few friends or even less ! You have gone trough ALOT of troubles...There is no reason as to why you can't succed in ur social life is that is what you want..don't give up the fight ! In the end of the day, trying but failing is much better because you will atleast get the social experiment that will make next attempt easier ! Be patient and remember ! Failing is much better then not trying at all...Today you make ur move...Tomorrow you make youre appologies ! NO matter how dark the situation looks...As long as you are still allive...There is hope...
Lets be honest...Most of us would give up any intellectuell advantages for social skills so we could get friends instead of getting good grades....Ever since we started school we have been wanting to get friends and fighting too get it...Allthough the vast majority of aspies have givven up the fight long ago and excepted defeat....They have accepted the fact that they will never be populair or have hordes of friends by their side wherever they go. I found this to be a very depressing way of reasoning. Because allthough it is bloody hard, getting a fully normal social life or even becomming populair is possible for us aspies...
I know because i myself have allmost accomplished such a feat.All the way up to my 18th birthday i was basicly a looner with....7 friends on facebook..... Despite the fact that my class(knowing that i had aspie) Tried to just absorbve me as a part of the group i did not believe in myself enough to just go for it..I was allways afraid of failing...I did not take care of myself to leave a good impression(Sexy clothes+ calmed hair) And i ultimately failed at that point....So i decide that i wanna do something about it for real during the summer holiday break ! As my family will move to a compleatly new town i decided to go for the change and allways dress good...i had 1 last year left in school and wanted to achieve a social redemption...I wanted to crush my aspergers and gain a at the very least normal social life..And now...With 4 months left before the school is over...I have 126 friends on my facebook(23 out of 25 FB friends with my classmates)and i am very close to achieving my goal...All i need to do is to gain more confidence and i will have this victory in the bag !
Ofc it has not been painfree....I was so nervous the first day that i mannaged to make a permanent enemy(Teacher paired me up with him and i said some rude unintentional stuff and he has been hating me relentlessly ever since) ALlthough ofc all his closest friends like me xD he did try to keep them from being my friends but he failed..And i made many more screw ups due to being an aspie(ETQ don't know what to say but gotta talk so you say whats on ur mind and it gets horribly wrong you don't realize what you done untill after it happend) And so forth...I still have a few barriers to fight...I still need to gain a stronger social influence on more people(Got 4 close friends atm and maybe 8 friends rest neutral too me except 4 people who are negative towards me). I gotta fight very hard to win over my aspergers...But it is definetly possible...
So what we have here is a halfway trough success story...I have 126 FB friends atm which is pretty bloody good for an aspie who only had 7, i am so open to new relationship now that some people are turned off by me being too socially agressive(While others embrace me right away)i have gained new confidence in myself, and as soon as i can get the last bit of social confidence i will have the victory in my bag! Even if i do not make any progress i have gotten very far in my fight against the Aspie Hex..
Of course you can't " defeat " aspergers as in eliminating it just like that....But you can have a normal social life despite having it, all you need is some confidence and some bloody gumption as well as alot of optimism ! For example if i have had the same mindset today as when i started the first year at my old school i could have been socially integrated there easily as they even wanted me too be socially integrated with them....The reason as to why i didn't become socially integrated was that i did not believe in myself/take care of myself..Exactly what leasson can be learned from this ?
Alot of times the way we percieve a social situation is alot worse then it is...Instead of assuming that you will be the odd man out in a classroom take innitiative to know several people....You will do misstakes several times but you will be able to work trough it...Instead of blabbling about how you can't seem to get friends go to the gym...Go out jogging..Have a makeover...pepp urself with optimistic thoughts and if someone is getting ur morale down then tell them off(My brother and sister constantly made me feel bad about myself...By constantly saying things like " Thats why you don't have any friends " or " Thats not what you are suppost to do in this situation " bla bla bla...You may never be " normal " But you can still have a " normal " social life...If you have a simmulair problem with people in the family tell them off..I was actually never really bullied at my school despite the fact that everybody knew what i had...I was more bullied by my sister and my brother saying things like " Retard" Quitely if i answerd a phone call that was clearly not meant for me..)
If you have a problem with relatives you have to live with every day doing theese things...DON'T accept it ! I saw a board here were a aspie girl had problems with her relatives bullying her on facebook and stuff...Instead of reseonign with such a person you should give them 1 warning...If they cross the line in spite of ur warning by posting abusive messages on FB then unfriend them and block their PMs...If you ahve a problem with a sibbling then confront the sibbling about it " I am not ok with you calling me retard you better never do that again " If that doesnt work...Then tell ur parents about it...They are being much more cowardly by attacking someone they think of as weaker verbally or otherwise.. DON'T Accept being bullied or downvalued by anyone and in particulair not people that you have to see every day ! In order to defeat ur aspergers you will need very high morale and self esteem....better just eliminate bullies from ur life...If it happends at school then do anything necessarrly to make it stop..
Make sure that you look and smell good whenever you go to school...Take care of ur hair and choose some pieces of cloth that will boost ur self esteem ! All you really need in order to start making friends if self esteem and good impressions(ETQ not smelling or having greecy hair "...You should allso do something like going to the gym in order to elevate ur esteem in the long run... Or if you are a girl go out jogging to get a nice sexy body...
Part of the Aspie hex is ur dissabillity to sence what is going on in diffrent situations and how you should react....The only way too overcome this is trough trial and error=You will do many misstakes....But that is ok as long as the end growth is reached ! As an aspie you have no/little friends because you have no social skills...You have no social skills because you have no/little interactions with friends...OBviusly you have to break this circle...
I pledge too all the readers of my elaborate post...Never ever be happy with a few friends or even less ! You have gone trough ALOT of troubles...There is no reason as to why you can't succed in ur social life is that is what you want..don't give up the fight ! In the end of the day, trying but failing is much better because you will atleast get the social experiment that will make next attempt easier ! Be patient and remember ! Failing is much better then not trying at all...Today you make ur move...Tomorrow you make youre appologies ! NO matter how dark the situation looks...As long as you are still allive...There is hope...