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Dealing with overwhelming stress incidents

Misery

Amalga Heart
V.I.P Member
Okay, so, it's been a bad day here. Real nasty.

My general stress level has been steadily rising, with the accursed gender dysphoria. I'm clearly nearing a breaking point, though on a positive it's almost time to fully come out about it (as things around here have mostly gotten back to normal, sort of). But right now the stress is still rising, and there are "incidents" with it sometimes. I'm not sure what else to call it.

I suppose the way I'd describe it is that it's sort of an explosive burst of stress/frustration/anxiety, which hits all at once very abruptly. Usually, this is in reaction to something I see that triggers a strong response, due to whatever it is linking to the problem in my mind. There are a couple of things that are worse triggers than others, and I ran into the worst of them earlier (I'd rather not say what it is, I'm trying NOT to think about it).

The big problem is that the effect isnt just mental... it's not like just a pile of emotions. The effect is physical. It's like having 5 sensory meltdowns all at once. Overwhelming and atrocious, and it strikes all at once instead of being just spread out over time... though it will be followed up by a lasting effect AFTER that.

Today had the worst one I've ever had... what an absolutely awful feeling that was, and it left me shaken and weak. It took hours to finally come off of it, yet I'm still a bit messed up from it. I'd do almost anything to avoid having to experience THAT again. I can tell ya, it's quite a bit of motivation to come out about that SOON rather than later.

Buuuuut... I realize that the coming out point isnt the end of it. There are more challenges to face along that road, and many will be quite difficult in and of themselves. More opportunities for this to occur.

And it's not JUST that subject. Some other types of things can get a physical reaction too. Things that are too scary, for instance, will do that. Or anything that gets me really, REALLY angry... once the boiling point is hit, that stress response is triggered along with it (which really doesnt help with the anger). Both of those result in a rather vicious cycle.

This has always been a problem for me... while it's stronger in recent times than ever before, it's not exactly new. Even back when I was a kid (the primary culprit back then was storms, I had a terrible phobia regarding tornadoes, and I live in THE tornado-tastic section of the country). And I gotta say, I'm getting tired of it. I figure, it's time I actually did something about it, rather than just taking the blows every time and hoping not to collapse. Bloody stupid that I've waited this long to actually consider that, hey, I should ask for some help with it.

So, I'm wondering... anyone got any advice for this? If any of you deal with a similar thing or have any thoughts on the matter whatsoever, I'd love to hear about it.
 
I don't have any real advice, but from your writings in here I get the impression that your parents have always been very supportive of you. Perhaps this will also be the case when you come out. It might even settle a few questions in their minds that they have always been too kind and loving to put to voice.
 
I’m going to go into full analytical mode here and get straight to the figuring out phase over the offering empathy phase.

I suppose the way I'd describe it is that it's sort of an explosive burst of stress/frustration/anxiety, which hits all at once very abruptly. Usually
Even though it seems abrupt, if you really pay attention, are there things that lead up to these outbursts as precursors? For example, are you already rundown and on edge when they happen? If the exact same stimulus happened at different times in the day or the week could it change your reaction?

It makes sense that if you are already close to the edge, then it wouldn’t take much to tip you over it and sometimes if we really pay attention, we can notice when we are tiptoeing too close to the edge and just waiting to be pushed.

The big problem is that the effect isnt just mental... it's not like just a pile of emotions. The effect is physical. It's like having 5 sensory meltdowns all at once. Overwhelming and atrocious, and it strikes all at once instead of being just spread out over time... though it will be followed up by a lasting effect AFTER that.
This makes sense, because you are having a massive stress response, and therefore need a massive recovery effort. I think it’s all brain chemicals at that point where your brain is being flooded with survival strategies that you have either learned yourself or have been ingrained in our deep brain for a very long time. Just adrenaline, for example, can have notable after effect that leaves someone physically wiped out.

A couple of ideas that come to mind…

Even though it seems like your stress reaction is so abrupt, it is likely building for a long time and so more daily stress and anxiety release might be helpful in maintaining a better homeostasis. I don’t know how much deep breathing you do on a regular basis, but this really can help calm the nervous system and engage our more logical part of our brains rather than the survival brain.

Something like deep breathing that is practiced always can be more powerful in a moment of stress, whereas if you only do it during a super stressful time, it will be less effective because you simply don’t know how to do it as well as if you practiced it all the time.

I also know that to many people, a suggestion of breathing is trivial, powerless, and sometimes annoying. But if we think about it, breath is the very essence of life and the way in which we breathe has a huge physiological effect on us. It can actually calm the autonomous nervous system and put us in a better position to manage stress.
 
Hello, I cant stop thinking about "trauma" bloked memories/feelings while I read your explanation. You may need a trauma proffesional if that is the case.

It may be not the case, I may be wrong. Im glad you shared it. Take care

Hugs.
 
Are you just kind of in burnout mode? Like you got through the big issues of your father and mother and the horrific problem with his eyes, and your mom's. It seems like you had to hold it together, as you were getting ready to release your biggest secret ever, and that was shutdown as you sorta had to just hope your father would survive his issue.

That's a lot going on, and did you just bury everything until you felt you survived the worse of it? Not sure if this is a accurate call, but maybe you can get to the bottom of it by exploring it some more if you feel like it.
 
My general stress level has been steadily rising, with the accursed gender dysphoria. I'm clearly nearing a breaking point, though on a positive it's almost time to fully come out about it (as things around here have mostly gotten back to normal, sort of). But right now the stress is still rising, and there are "incidents" with it sometimes. I'm not sure what else to call it.
I have this myself, and often feel my levels rise. Sometimes, I can react and realize what it is that triggers it but often times it comes across as very quietly Or very strongly and I dont have time to react to safeguard myself , so I do have incidents with breakdowns. I think you are feeling anxious about your gender dysphoria and the need to come out. Like @Outdated said, I get the impression that your parents are really supportive of you and it may be worthwhile writing down what your thoughts are, and then have that as a way to vent out some of the stress without it being build up on before having it overwhelm you.
Usually, this is in reaction to something I see that triggers a strong response, due to whatever it is linking to the problem in my mind. There are a couple of things that are worse triggers than others, and I ran into the worst of them earlier (I'd rather not say what it is, I'm trying NOT to think about it).
I really do related to this. Sometimes something that is strong will react in a strong response and sometimes the triggers can be so small that over it being build up that it just gets worse (like recently). For you, You seem to have a lot going on, and it’s possibly helpful that You find ways to identify the triggers and see if you can separate them out . Like a puzzle pieces sorting to understand the why they trigger you and find a solution to how best to safeguard so you dont end up with a ton of breakdowns. there are always going to be the worse triggers than the others, and when you have one that is a lot more worse than some of the other ones, then you usually find yourself breaking from the weight of them all. Or that is in my case, what often happens. It really is distressing.
The big problem is that the effect isnt just mental... it's not like just a pile of emotions. The effect is physical. It's like having 5 sensory meltdowns all at once. Overwhelming and atrocious, and it strikes all at once instead of being just spread out over time... though it will be followed up by a lasting effect AFTER that.
No, it wouldn’t just be mentally or emotionally. It’s also this physical sense that leads you to feel exhausted and defeated. There are a lot of senses that just assault and overwhelm over all and takes a while to recover afterwards. The recovery usually leads me to feel much worse afterwards, is that the same for you?
Buuuuut... I realize that the coming out point isnt the end of it. There are more challenges to face along that road, and many will be quite difficult in and of themselves. More opportunities for this to occur.
No, i think coming out is another step but wouldn’t be the end. Don’t forget youre doing something that is quite brave and it’s like coming out and saying “I am gay”. It’s different online because you have the invisibility but in life, you’re around people who may support you, at least in your case I think your parents are supportive and thats still a big step regardless. There’s a lot of changes there and more challenges but I think with the support around you, that you can meet them. And find strategies to recognise what are your triggers and what to do to manage them before they build up to full breakdowns.
And it's not JUST that subject. Some other types of things can get a physical reaction too. Things that are too scary, for instance, will do that. Or anything that gets me really, REALLY angry... once the boiling point is hit, that stress response is triggered along with it (which really doesnt help with the anger). Both of those result in a rather vicious cycle.
When I have breakdowns, depending on the severity I will have physical responses, like really strong stomach cramping, headaches and feeling sick. Sometimes I am even physical sick. It’s horrible feeling. I try to control but sometimes, some types of situations like recently, will make me very irritable and depending on the situation, like recent ly, I’ll get anGry to the point of shaking. Stress response triggreed although all I will be able to see is the anger or like with the recent situation, the anger will come later, then the physical reaction comes with it, then depending on the impact of it, can explode into something more severe of a breakdown where I self harm to get out of it — and that’s not really good as a strategy.=(
Bloody stupid that I've waited this long to actually consider that, hey, I should ask for some help with it.
Not stupid. You need to ask for help and there’s nothing wrong with asking for that type of support. You have a lot going on and I’m Very sorry that you are going through this difficulty. Really hope that you find some support that works for you.=)
 
I have had physical responses to stress. Once I had severe chest pain, shortness of breath and collapsed to the floor. Luckily I was right across the street from an emergency room. Turns out it was “just” a panic attack.

Another example, I was married to a man who just couldn’t let his former wife go. The attention he paid her was upsetting over a long period of time. One day, just the mention of her name caused an immediate and sharp attack of nausea and I had to run for the bathroom to vomit up everything I’d eaten that day.

These were both from a long time ago. I’m better at managing it now So reactions are not as severe. Breath training helps a lot, but I had to do it for months and years. I still practice it.

I wish for you relief from the stress however you do it.
 
As usual a big thanks to everyone here. I'm doing a bit better now, though still a bit wobbly.

I'll respond to a few specific points here:


Even though it seems abrupt, if you really pay attention, are there things that lead up to these outbursts as precursors? For example, are you already rundown and on edge when they happen? If the exact same stimulus happened at different times in the day or the week could it change your reaction?

It's not so much a big lead-up, it's more "sudden appearance of this triggering thing". The physical reaction is pretty much instant when some thing triggering shows up. Now granted, the fact that it was so intense this time, that might have been from just... more stress lately, but I'd have still had a reaction of some sort anyway.

Even though it seems like your stress reaction is so abrupt, it is likely building for a long time and so more daily stress and anxiety release might be helpful in maintaining a better homeostasis. I don’t know how much deep breathing you do on a regular basis, but this really can help calm the nervous system and engage our more logical part of our brains rather than the survival brain.

Something like deep breathing that is practiced always can be more powerful in a moment of stress, whereas if you only do it during a super stressful time, it will be less effective because you simply don’t know how to do it as well as if you practiced it all the time.

I also know that to many people, a suggestion of breathing is trivial, powerless, and sometimes annoying. But if we think about it, breath is the very essence of life and the way in which we breathe has a huge physiological effect on us. It can actually calm the autonomous nervous system and put us in a better position to manage stress.

Aye, some sort of deep breathing techniques is something I might look into. Certainly better than just standing there freaking out for 5 hours each time...

That's a lot going on, and did you just bury everything until you felt you survived the worse of it?

Probably.

I mean, I had originally planned on coming out back in... er... was it November? We were going to take a short trip down south at the end of the month and I'd thought that would be the perfect place to do that, in that lovely serene area. And then BAM, he got his injury, and everything just fell off a cliff from there.

So I've kept this whole thing to myself (aside from talking about it on here) and basically just tried to hide the stress effects so that nobody at home gets too worried. I suppose that is probably stressful itself.

I think you are feeling anxious about your gender dysphoria and the need to come out.

Yeah, definitely. I currently figure that one way or another, it needs to happen within the next week or two, I really cant keep this up much longer without totally losing my mind here. And thinking about how that point is getting near is... kinda tough. I've never been good at stuff like this, bringing up difficult topics of any sort, even when I've no reason to fear those topics.

Like a puzzle pieces sorting to understand the why they trigger you and find a solution to how best to safeguard so you dont end up with a ton of breakdowns.

Aye, I wish there was a good way to safeguard. I think part of the frustration is there's no real way to see when any given trigger is coming. Particularly if the given subject has a lot of possible triggers, and my blasted gender issues definitely include a ton of different ones.

One of the most irritating parts though was that this actually happened while browsing Youtube of all places. Normally it's very... curated. I've used it enough that it follows my tastes and general usage very well, and MOSTLY will avoid things I've told it to avoid. Every now and then though something slips through, and of course what slipped through yesterday just happened to be *the* trigger for this. I didnt even have to watch what it was offering to have it occur. The thumbnail was enough. Which I guess just shows how sensitive this all is right now, bah. I hate that. I didnt even click the stupid thing and it still hit like a train.

Mostly though I hate that it happened on THAT site. Youtube is usually sort of my online sanctuary. It has many things that can normally help me get out of bad moods or get me mentally engaged, stuff like that. So when it pulls that nonsense, well, that really doesnt help the stress factor.

The recovery usually leads me to feel much worse afterwards, is that the same for you?

Pretty much, yeah.

Like that initial burst is really freaking awful, and then what trails after it isnt as intense, but it's very... extended. Just keeps going... it really did take many hours to *actually* get to a point where I wasnt feeling really messed up, and of course by then I'm just drained.

Today I still feel a bit twitchy.




I feel like I'm missing something, other stuff I wanted to say or respond to in this topic, but... yeah I'm still a bit foggy here, mentally. More distracted today.
 
Yeah, definitely. I currently figure that one way or another, it needs to happen within the next week or two, I really cant keep this up much longer without totally losing my mind here. And thinking about how that point is getting near is... kinda tough. I've never been good at stuff like this, bringing up difficult topics of any sort, even when I've no reason to fear those topics.
I think the sooner you can do this, the more likely you can think about the next steps. I get that it’s hard however. Write down what you want to say, and just give it to your parents may also be helpful?
Aye, I wish there was a good way to safeguard. I think part of the frustration is there's no real way to see when any given trigger is coming. Particularly if the given subject has a lot of possible triggers, and my blasted gender issues definitely include a ton of different ones.

One of the most irritating parts though was that this actually happened while browsing Youtube of all places. Normally it's very... curated. I've used it enough that it follows my tastes and general usage very well, and MOSTLY will avoid things I've told it to avoid. Every now and then though something slips through, and of course what slipped through yesterday just happened to be *the* trigger for this. I didnt even have to watch what it was offering to have it occur. The thumbnail was enough. Which I guess just shows how sensitive this all is right now, bah. I hate that. I didnt even click the stupid thing and it still hit like a train.

Mostly though I hate that it happened on THAT site. Youtube is usually sort of my online sanctuary. It has many things that can normally help me get out of bad moods or get me mentally engaged, stuff like that. So when it pulls that nonsense, well, that really doesnt help the stress factor.
That’s true. It is difficult to fully safeguard. There are steps to ensure that some of it doesn’t overfill but even then, being aware of the stages and the steps does not always make it possible to be aware and safeguard. I have to admit, I don’t really use YouTube as much as I used to when I was younger, I use streaming services, so will obviously avoid things but I do understand that sometimes seeing it may be a trigger and I guess there arent really any way to avoid it without being prepared for the possibility that something may be seen and being aware how it may affect you. Yeah, totally get that it’s difficult. You feel betrayed or something similar and that’s understandable. I think we can all feel like this at times. I know I have…
Pretty much, yeah.

Like that initial burst is really freaking awful, and then what trails after it isnt as intense, but it's very... extended. Just keeps going... it really did take many hours to *actually* get to a point where I wasnt feeling really messed up, and of course by then I'm just drained.

Today I still feel a bit twitchy.
Yes, I understand. It takes a while to actually do a hardcore reset if that makes sense and then you’re back to normal but aftermath is always left feeling anxious, not quite yourself..drained, emotionally fragile and more likely to have more breakdowns over the smallest of things. It happens to me a lot, and every time I think that I have a handle on things, I never really take into account how much a breakdown can impact me overall. Do not be hard on yourself. Self care is super important. Even if it’s just playing your video games or board games to reset, it can help.
 

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