Okay, so, it's been a bad day here. Real nasty.
My general stress level has been steadily rising, with the accursed gender dysphoria. I'm clearly nearing a breaking point, though on a positive it's almost time to fully come out about it (as things around here have mostly gotten back to normal, sort of). But right now the stress is still rising, and there are "incidents" with it sometimes. I'm not sure what else to call it.
I suppose the way I'd describe it is that it's sort of an explosive burst of stress/frustration/anxiety, which hits all at once very abruptly. Usually, this is in reaction to something I see that triggers a strong response, due to whatever it is linking to the problem in my mind. There are a couple of things that are worse triggers than others, and I ran into the worst of them earlier (I'd rather not say what it is, I'm trying NOT to think about it).
The big problem is that the effect isnt just mental... it's not like just a pile of emotions. The effect is physical. It's like having 5 sensory meltdowns all at once. Overwhelming and atrocious, and it strikes all at once instead of being just spread out over time... though it will be followed up by a lasting effect AFTER that.
Today had the worst one I've ever had... what an absolutely awful feeling that was, and it left me shaken and weak. It took hours to finally come off of it, yet I'm still a bit messed up from it. I'd do almost anything to avoid having to experience THAT again. I can tell ya, it's quite a bit of motivation to come out about that SOON rather than later.
Buuuuut... I realize that the coming out point isnt the end of it. There are more challenges to face along that road, and many will be quite difficult in and of themselves. More opportunities for this to occur.
And it's not JUST that subject. Some other types of things can get a physical reaction too. Things that are too scary, for instance, will do that. Or anything that gets me really, REALLY angry... once the boiling point is hit, that stress response is triggered along with it (which really doesnt help with the anger). Both of those result in a rather vicious cycle.
This has always been a problem for me... while it's stronger in recent times than ever before, it's not exactly new. Even back when I was a kid (the primary culprit back then was storms, I had a terrible phobia regarding tornadoes, and I live in THE tornado-tastic section of the country). And I gotta say, I'm getting tired of it. I figure, it's time I actually did something about it, rather than just taking the blows every time and hoping not to collapse. Bloody stupid that I've waited this long to actually consider that, hey, I should ask for some help with it.
So, I'm wondering... anyone got any advice for this? If any of you deal with a similar thing or have any thoughts on the matter whatsoever, I'd love to hear about it.
My general stress level has been steadily rising, with the accursed gender dysphoria. I'm clearly nearing a breaking point, though on a positive it's almost time to fully come out about it (as things around here have mostly gotten back to normal, sort of). But right now the stress is still rising, and there are "incidents" with it sometimes. I'm not sure what else to call it.
I suppose the way I'd describe it is that it's sort of an explosive burst of stress/frustration/anxiety, which hits all at once very abruptly. Usually, this is in reaction to something I see that triggers a strong response, due to whatever it is linking to the problem in my mind. There are a couple of things that are worse triggers than others, and I ran into the worst of them earlier (I'd rather not say what it is, I'm trying NOT to think about it).
The big problem is that the effect isnt just mental... it's not like just a pile of emotions. The effect is physical. It's like having 5 sensory meltdowns all at once. Overwhelming and atrocious, and it strikes all at once instead of being just spread out over time... though it will be followed up by a lasting effect AFTER that.
Today had the worst one I've ever had... what an absolutely awful feeling that was, and it left me shaken and weak. It took hours to finally come off of it, yet I'm still a bit messed up from it. I'd do almost anything to avoid having to experience THAT again. I can tell ya, it's quite a bit of motivation to come out about that SOON rather than later.
Buuuuut... I realize that the coming out point isnt the end of it. There are more challenges to face along that road, and many will be quite difficult in and of themselves. More opportunities for this to occur.
And it's not JUST that subject. Some other types of things can get a physical reaction too. Things that are too scary, for instance, will do that. Or anything that gets me really, REALLY angry... once the boiling point is hit, that stress response is triggered along with it (which really doesnt help with the anger). Both of those result in a rather vicious cycle.
This has always been a problem for me... while it's stronger in recent times than ever before, it's not exactly new. Even back when I was a kid (the primary culprit back then was storms, I had a terrible phobia regarding tornadoes, and I live in THE tornado-tastic section of the country). And I gotta say, I'm getting tired of it. I figure, it's time I actually did something about it, rather than just taking the blows every time and hoping not to collapse. Bloody stupid that I've waited this long to actually consider that, hey, I should ask for some help with it.
So, I'm wondering... anyone got any advice for this? If any of you deal with a similar thing or have any thoughts on the matter whatsoever, I'd love to hear about it.