I never said I don’t want your help. Don’t put words in my mouth.
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Dating: How can I get a girlfriend?
- Thread starter Markness
- Start date
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kenaij
AQ score: 38, Aspie Score: asp 142/200 nt 58/200
When I or others offer help and try to explain certain behaviour that is not helping you in what you seek you either ignore it. Or you talk around the 'shortcommings' I/we adress. Ignoring actual help to me seems the same is not accepting or not wanting it.
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I don’t always know what to say to each reply I get. I’ve also been feeling like leaving again.
kenaij
AQ score: 38, Aspie Score: asp 142/200 nt 58/200
I understand you so not always know what the answer. But this reply again sums up how you see people that are actually trying to help you. If so many people tell you it is very likely you will have a better chance of finding what you are looking for is to try and change certain behaviour or outlook on things it seems that instead of taking it to heart and actually think we might be right you turn away from the idea. Move to someone that offers no way of getting what you want and tell us we have mob mentality.
And I mean no disrespect to the person saying they are your friend. It was a very nice comment. But it offers no potential solutions to the thing you seek help for.
You say you are thinking about leaving. Might I suggest sticking around. Because a lot of useful information is spread around here. Instead you might consider not making any more posts like this. Because apparently you dont seem to like the responses you get to them. And only posts topics where you are open to suggestions about. Leave this subject for you therapist (if you see any).
I don't mean this as a mean thing. But if what we say is to harsh for you it might be best.
Nobody here "doesn't want you to have a girlfriend".
Everyone who replies to your posts is trying to help you deal with your real problem.
One way of stating your real problem is that you are working really hard to stop yourself from "getting a girlfriend".
You can't succeed while you're blocking yourself.
Taking away that barrier won't instantly achieve your objective, but it's a necessary pre-condition. It's not easily done, but execution will be instantaneous: a moment of true insight, a single decision, and you'll be on the path forward,
Maybe less time on posting, and more time meeting woman would help. You had a great experience and can happen again. But staying here and posting that it will never happen then you start to believe it, so you by posting over and over that it will never happen means you have brainwashed yourself by repeating this message over and over. So it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Another thing Buddha says, the more you search for something, the further it gets away.
kenaij
AQ score: 38, Aspie Score: asp 142/200 nt 58/200
I have to agree with Hypnalis. There is no single person who replies to your posts that does not want you to find what you are looking for. There might be people in your life that do. Or at least make you feel they do. But they are not on this forum (as far as I know) so it has no effect on them.
Cassielyn
New Member
Dear Mark,
I have read a tremendous amount about Asperger’s and could pass any test on what is believed by the most celebrated dating experts on the planet, today. It clearly sounds to me like you could use the support of a therapist, but there’s a big problem, finding those that are knowledgeable of Asperger’s, that’s why I educated myself. Once you find someone, it will probably be likely that you should read some books on this subject because it is not simple or easy. 2 experts are Maxine Aston and Tony Atwood. It is so difficult that the great Dr. Temple Grandin. (a very famous person who was the first person to give us an inside out description of what it’s like to grow up with Asperger’s) has chosen not to have an intimate relationship.
There is free help on YouTube. One channel is called, “Asperger’s From the Inside Out” and it is great and also there is Mark Hutten.
My Aspie and I must’ve dated 100 people before we met. You were looking for a needle in a haystack, and it’s worthwhile to keep that in mind. And not take dates that seriously. Finding a girl is such a common problem for Aspies that there’s a whole Netflix series that focuses on the dating aspect called, “Atypical.” That series at the YouTube can at least make you feel less lonely and less odd.
Good luck!
I have not dated a single woman and I still have hope. Just asking a woman for her number is nerve-wracking, trust me. Never mind trying to ask for a coffee date.
I've been married for 5+ years and the thought of a coffee date with anyone I don't already know still sends shivers down my spine! I seriously don't know how NTs do it, but I'm extremely jealous
kenaij
AQ score: 38, Aspie Score: asp 142/200 nt 58/200
What is the point of wondering about this since the situation has not presented itself yet. And if they try to sabotage it. Move away from them. Get them out of your life.
I say this with kindness in my heart…
They don’t care at all. They are no longer paying attention. You are free.
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