Nightwalker94
New Member
I've been dating my 20 year old aspie bf for almost 4 months (i'm 23 but not on the spectrum). I can definitely say he is the most genuine, loving, honest, and patient man I have ever been with. Our relationship is very mature (communication-wise), and I honestly dont think I could've found anyone who was more affectionate and understanding than him.
My current problem...is that I have a record of dating immature, irresponsible, mentally unstable, toxic men who are unable to get their life together. They can't hold a job, keep a decent car (most don't even have one), or communicate effectively to have a healthy, long lasting relationship. I am the kind of person who tends to look for the good in people, and if someone shows interest (mutual) regardless of their "condition", I'm going to give them a chance (bc everyone deserves one).
At the same time, the reason for my choices in men are due to an emotionally abusive upbringing that left me feeling starved for attention and I basically became the girl everyone dislikes (the bouncer). I went from bf to bf, back to exes, you name it. I was pathetic.
Needless to say, my family/friends have never approved of any of the men I've dated. I have always been told I deserved better. (I still think otherwise). But now that I FINALLY have someone who treats me with the respect and love I've basically begged for my entire (middle school-adolescent) life, he just so happens to be another young, car-less (at the time), job-less man with psychological issues (chronic depression, and anxiety).
HOWEVER, due to health reasons, he had to put off high school and ended up graduating 2 years later. He now has a vehicle and plans on getting a job. I am very proud of his accomplishments, and believe he has the potential to go very far in life (he is extremely intelligent), but my biggest fear is that because of his autism, he won't be able to hold down a job, or drive/think independently (not trying to offend anyone by saying that. I probably came across sounding very ignorant) I say this because I've noticed that he gets distracted a lot with me in the car, and I have to basically be on guard (for him) every single time we go out together, otherwise, we could end up in a wreck. That scares me....
Not only that, but because of his anxiety/abandonment issues, he is naturally very clingy, and it's gotten to the point where it's putting me off. But once he gets a job, we might not be able to see each other as much, which will probably make his depression flare up...a lot. Considering he also has suicidal tendencies, this is a major concern to me. Especially since he has yet to find a healthy coping mechanism that works (he tends to gravitate towards substances).
This really bothers me considering not only my past, but the people I know who have become addicted to alcohol, drugs, etc. He does go to therapy and has been taking medication for years but nothing really seems to help. I genuinely love my bf, but at this point in time, I'm not sure how long it will last...I need a healthy, stable relationship where the guy I'm dating is capable of taking care of himself. Considering that I've always been the "provider" in 95% of my relationships, I can't handle going through that again....Do I stick it out, go to therapy, and try to communicate my feelings to him, or is this something I should take a break from???
I feel bad for even considering breaking up with someone who basically in every way treats me like gold, but when I have everyone telling me that I deserve better, I feel like I'm at a loss...I'm hoping I'm not the only one who has been in this kind of situation....any advice would be much appreciated <3
My current problem...is that I have a record of dating immature, irresponsible, mentally unstable, toxic men who are unable to get their life together. They can't hold a job, keep a decent car (most don't even have one), or communicate effectively to have a healthy, long lasting relationship. I am the kind of person who tends to look for the good in people, and if someone shows interest (mutual) regardless of their "condition", I'm going to give them a chance (bc everyone deserves one).
At the same time, the reason for my choices in men are due to an emotionally abusive upbringing that left me feeling starved for attention and I basically became the girl everyone dislikes (the bouncer). I went from bf to bf, back to exes, you name it. I was pathetic.
Needless to say, my family/friends have never approved of any of the men I've dated. I have always been told I deserved better. (I still think otherwise). But now that I FINALLY have someone who treats me with the respect and love I've basically begged for my entire (middle school-adolescent) life, he just so happens to be another young, car-less (at the time), job-less man with psychological issues (chronic depression, and anxiety).
HOWEVER, due to health reasons, he had to put off high school and ended up graduating 2 years later. He now has a vehicle and plans on getting a job. I am very proud of his accomplishments, and believe he has the potential to go very far in life (he is extremely intelligent), but my biggest fear is that because of his autism, he won't be able to hold down a job, or drive/think independently (not trying to offend anyone by saying that. I probably came across sounding very ignorant) I say this because I've noticed that he gets distracted a lot with me in the car, and I have to basically be on guard (for him) every single time we go out together, otherwise, we could end up in a wreck. That scares me....
Not only that, but because of his anxiety/abandonment issues, he is naturally very clingy, and it's gotten to the point where it's putting me off. But once he gets a job, we might not be able to see each other as much, which will probably make his depression flare up...a lot. Considering he also has suicidal tendencies, this is a major concern to me. Especially since he has yet to find a healthy coping mechanism that works (he tends to gravitate towards substances).
This really bothers me considering not only my past, but the people I know who have become addicted to alcohol, drugs, etc. He does go to therapy and has been taking medication for years but nothing really seems to help. I genuinely love my bf, but at this point in time, I'm not sure how long it will last...I need a healthy, stable relationship where the guy I'm dating is capable of taking care of himself. Considering that I've always been the "provider" in 95% of my relationships, I can't handle going through that again....Do I stick it out, go to therapy, and try to communicate my feelings to him, or is this something I should take a break from???
I feel bad for even considering breaking up with someone who basically in every way treats me like gold, but when I have everyone telling me that I deserve better, I feel like I'm at a loss...I'm hoping I'm not the only one who has been in this kind of situation....any advice would be much appreciated <3
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