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Dad Jokes

A city man visited his country cousin's farm. He noticed a 3 legged pig hobbling around the yard. He asked his cousin "What's the story with that 3 legged pig?"
"That pig is a hero," the cousing replied.
"How is a pig a hero?"
"One night the house caught fire while we were all asleep. Somehow he got the front door open and squealed so loud he woke us all up and we were able to all get safely out of the house."
"The house doesn't look burned."
"Well we had to rebuild it of course. Good thing we had fire insurance."
The city man stood there looking at the pig. "That doesn't explain why the pig has 3 legs."
The farmer replied
'Well an animal that special, you don't eat all at once.'
 
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Every night I make my husbands lunch and write terrible dad jokes in order to get a laugh and an eye roll. So on theme for today:

You must be a Ventricle because Baby you know the way to my heart.

Are you a coronary artery? Cause you are wrapped all arounf my heart.

You give me premature ventricular contractons. You make my heart skip a beat.
 
A hunter accidentally shot his companion. He carried the man over a mile to his jeep and then rushed him to the nearest hospital. He waited to see how his buddy was doing. Finally a doctor takes him aside and shaking his head says "Your friend probably would have recovered if you hadn't field dressed him."
 
How do you sell a duck to someone who is hard of hearing?

WANNA BUY A DUCK?!
 
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Why couldn't Dracula's wife get any sleep?
His coffin drove her batty.
 
The blonde grabbed a little boy from a park.
She gave him a note "if you want to see your son again send him to the park with $50k", and told him to take it home.
The next day he was back with $50k and a different note "how can you do this to a fellow blonde?"
 
I once submitted 10 puns to a joke competition. I really thought with that many, one was sure to win. Sadly, no pun in ten did.
 
Along the same lines,...

"Did you hear about the lady who accidently backed into an airplane propeller...?"
"What a tragedy!"
"Tragedy...!? Disaster!
full

"Disaster" sounds like "dis-assed her." ;)
 
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