Dad Jokes

[NDR2]

What did one wall say to the other?

Spoiler

I’ll meet you at the corner.

 

[Jumpinbare]

What did the fish say when he swam into the cement wall?

Spoiler

Dam!

 

[NDR2]

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in.

 

[tree]

 

[NDR2]

I don’t trust stairs. They’re always up to something.

 

[tree]

 

[NDR2]

What did the zero say to the eight?

Spoiler

That belt looks good on you.

 

[GrownupGirl]

Three monks lived in a monastery where they were only allowed to say one thing once a year. The first year they were having dinner and the first monk said, "I don't like the mashed potatoes, they're too lumpy." A year goes by and while they're having dinner the second monk says, "I like the mashed potatoes, they're very tasty." Another year goes by and they are having dinner when the third monk gets up and says to the first two monks, "I'm moving to a new monastery, I can't take any more of your constant bickering!"

 

[NDR2]

What do you call it when a snowman throws a tantrum?

Spoiler

A meltdown.

 

[Jumpinbare]

The bottle of perfume that Willy sent

Was highly displeasing to Millicent;

Her thanks so cold

That they quarreled I'm told

O'er that silly scent Willy sent to Millicent.

 

[NDR2]

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.

 

[Crossbreed]

I have a joke about chemistry, but I don’t think it will get a reaction.

This is about the only chemistry joke I know:
"If you are not part of the solution, you are part of the precipitate...!"

(And it's a paraprosdokian to boot...! )

 

[Jumpinbare]

I was at Walmart. I had to get shampoo. They don't carry real poo.

 

[Crossbreed]

That last joke stinks...!

 

[GrownupGirl]

A little girl says to he mom, "I've got a stomach ache."
The mom says, "That's because it's empty, you'll feel better after you put something in it."
Just then, the dad comes home after a hard day of work and says "I've got the worst headache."
The little girl says, "That's because it's empty, you'll feel better after you put something in it."

 

[NDR2]

What has more letters than the alphabet?

Spoiler

The post office.

 

[Crossbreed]

What has more letters than the alphabet?

Spoiler

The post office.

That is similar to
Q: Which building has the most stories...?

Spoiler

A: The library...!

 

[Cryptid]

Church services had just let out. I was talking to the pastor, and had asked him his opinion on a good place to have lunch.

He said, "You could come with us or you could go to the other place."

I stared at him for a moment. "Pastor, you know I would rather follow you than end up in the Other Place."

Believe it or not, it took him a minute or two to get the joke.

 

[Kisa the tea]

I for 1 like roman numerals

 

[Kisa the tea]

Sequel