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Corrupt A Wish

Granted, but it's the beach in like, Maine, in the middle of January, so it's really cold and windy, and your pina colada isn't very pleasant.

I wish it would rain.
 
Granted. It's always raining somewhere. Just not right here at the moment.

I wish there were rainbows in the middle of the night.
 
Granted, but the range is crawling with annoying people who talk really loud and really goofy, who don't realize they're autistic and are trying (and failing) to mask.

I wish I was at the art museum.
 
Granted, but it's the lousy, boring modern exhibit. You know, stick in a bucket, and dot on a giant canvas.

I wish I were in a covered wagon going over the Walowas.
 
Granted, but I mean, you have to choose between floating down the Columbia or taking the Barlow road and having to lower your whole family in the wagon down a cliff.

I wish I had a pet guinea pig
 
Granted, but you have to change his name from Mister Cuddles to Stinky for obvious reasons. Quickly after, you change his name again, to Bitey.

I wish I had a dog.
 
Granted, but there's no walking space, and the bathtub is full of books too.

I wish I had a bowl of honey nut cheerios.
 
Granted, but now you are a computer. And people use your processing power for cat videos and video games rather than researching the truth of the universe.

I wish I could remember to go to the gym in my building.
 
Granted, but it's a head cheese sandwich. Head cheese I think has something to do with pigs or cows and it has meat in it. I dunno. It sounds gross.

I wish I could go sailing down the Columbia River.
 
Granted, but we have Disneyland at home. Disneyland at home- My apartment building's gym.

I wish that I could pet all the dogs.
 
Granted! Bears are loosely related to the dog family, so your house is now full of all the bears. You can pet them... if you dare.

I wish I could go to a live concert
 
Granted, but it's a hippie concert, and all the hippies are swaying around in tie dyed tanktops with their arms in the air. And you know hippies don't bathe or use antiperspirant. Just patchouli to cover the "natural musk".


I wish I had a pickup truck.
 
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