Confused about death

[peoplesrjames]

I've known lots of people who have passed and the only one that made me kind of sad was my uncle about 6 years ago. That was mainly because he had a really hard life(I believe he was an undiagnosed full on autistic) and when my grandparents died, I think he just gave up and slipped away. But other than that I'm not really moved by death of friends and loved ones.

 

[Salmongirl17]

This post is so accurate!! I have never felt sad about death at all, but I find it almost... as a positive thing. I see it so differently than everyone else and my parents are always pissed whenever someone dies and I dont say anything. I don't feel any sympathy for anyone, though!!

Example: my dad was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. "Ok," I thought, "so this is happening, nothing can change that this happened". My sister, however, got really bad anxiety and skipped school because of it. Then my hamster died, and my entire family was determined to comfort me, but I didn't need comforting, and that made me really embarrassed and feel awful.

 

[hiraeth]

Death is a release. I truly believe that the people who pass on, are going to a gentler place, or going to inhabit a gentler form, whichever one you prefer. If someone has been in grievous amounts of pain from illness or other forms of hard times prior to passing on, then I wish them all the best. Neither energy nor matter is ever lost in this world; they simply change form. The end of one form is the beginning of a new form. It's a new birth. Only one that us mortals have yet to comprehend fully.

The only thing I get hung up about is that one should die with dignity. Being murdered is not cool. Having someone find your body after a gruesome suicide is not cool. Getting into a fatal car crash because you were drunk driving is not cool.

 

[StephF]

There are a lot of people who like so-called "black metal" without any connection to religion. It just fits in with some people's personality type.

Just to clarify there is a great difference between "devil worshippers" and "satanists".

The former actually believe in the existence of an anthropomorphic personification like "The Devil" as described in the christian bible.

The latter do not believe in the existence of "the devil" but consider the pre christian existence of satan to be a role model.
Satan was around a long time before christianity popped up.

 

[savi83]

Death is a weird one. We do not know enough about death, it's just a part of life. People die.

I'm not sure whether it's due to the fact that nobody knows enough about it or that it is a guarantee in life that you will eventually die that I easily accept death.

I tend to get over people passing away quite quickly. The main thing that does get to me is that I don't feel as connected as others, you're in the church, etc and they're talking about the person, getting upset and I feel out of place.

It's a bizarre social ritual but if it helps people to grieve it's OK.

 

[garnetflower13]

Death is a weird one. We do not know enough about death, it's just a part of life. People die.

I'm not sure whether it's due to the fact that nobody knows enough about it or that it is a guarantee in life that you will eventually die that I easily accept death.

I tend to get over people passing away quite quickly. The main thing that does get to me is that I don't feel as connected as others, you're in the church, etc and they're talking about the person, getting upset and I feel out of place.

It's a bizarre social ritual but if it helps people to grieve it's OK.

Has anyone ever seen the movie "Snowcake?" There is a scene where an autistic woman is puzzled by the reactions of friends and neighbors who have gathered at her house after the funeral of her daughter, and she is not understanding why they are hanging around so long and just wants them all to get out.

 

[Judge]

Has anyone ever seen the movie "Snowcake?" There is a scene where an autistic woman is puzzled by the reactions of friends and neighbors who have gathered at her house after the funeral of her daughter, and she is not understanding why they are hanging around so long and just wants them all to get out.

One of the better films with an autistic lead portrayed by Sigourney Weaver. One I've previously mentioned.

https://www.aspiescentral.com/threads/autism-awareness.10988/#post-195484

 

[ezcare]

I have always found death to be confusing. I don't get upset and am confused when others do. When my grandmother died (I was 13-14) I wasn't sad, I just felt inconvenienced. The same for anyone I've ever known who has died.

Even more confusing is when people are upset because people they don't know have died, like in the news. 9/11 was very confusing for me because I couldn't understand why people were so upset. They did not even live in the same country. Recently two teenagers died in my city (they were stupid and died because of it) and my mother was so upset, why? She didn't even know their families, let alone the kids.

Another example was in high school. My teacher was sad and told us that her bestfriends mom died. I asked her why she was crying when it wasn't her mother who died and it made her cry more and my classmates were angry with me. I don't understand why she could be upset. It would be reasonable if it was her mother, but not someone else's. Can anyone explain this to me?

This is one of the most difficult Aspie qualities to understand and to deal with. I have felt the same way at all of the funerals I have had to attend including my mother, father, Aunts, Uncles, and some close friends. In the typical American wake, all the family members of the deceased form a "receiving line" at the entry to the church or funeral home. People who come to "pay their respects" are expected to go to each person in the line and give some sort of emotional statement about missing the person or feeling sorry for members of the family. Just saying "Sorry" to each person would be considered rude or inconsiderate. I had to learn how to put on my "sorrowful" mask and parrot a scripted line about how much I liked the person and how much I will miss them. This achieved the desired result in NT-land but left me feeling like a fraud. To me death is no more significant than life itself. Just waking up in the morning is a miracle so how can death be any better or worse? But I have come to realize that not everyone is blessed with this mindset. Some even believe that it is not human to feel this way. For their sake I must put on the mask of sadness and say the lines that seem to bring them peace. I wish I could say it cost me nothing to do this, but truthfully, it drains away my soul each time I do it.

 

[Ylva]

It is hard to cry at funerals because the room is full of people. I got scowled at quite a lot at my uncle's funeral, even though I kept the stimming to a minimum. Afterwards I stood in the parking lot humming "Castles in the sky". But during, I felt like a computer that was too busy processing to respond to frantic clicking. Almost saw a rainbow wheel hovering in front of me.

Despite the sadness, it is awfully easy to learn to live in a world where the person doesn't exist.

 

[Fabulously filthy]

Its a emotional response humans have developed to allow us to function in large groups. If no one cared when others died then everytime someone got in our way we would kill them. Which means the human race would ultimately destroy itself and we would go extinct.

 

[Rasputin]

I have always found death to be confusing. I don't get upset and am confused when others do. When my grandmother died (I was 13-14) I wasn't sad, I just felt inconvenienced. The same for anyone I've ever known who has died.

Even more confusing is when people are upset because people they don't know have died, like in the news. 9/11 was very confusing for me because I couldn't understand why people were so upset. They did not even live in the same country. Recently two teenagers died in my city (they were stupid and died because of it) and my mother was so upset, why? She didn't even know their families, let alone the kids.

Another example was in high school. My teacher was sad and told us that her bestfriends mom died. I asked her why she was crying when it wasn't her mother who died and it made her cry more and my classmates were angry with me. I don't understand why she could be upset. It would be reasonable if it was her mother, but not someone else's. Can anyone explain this to me?

Wow, this is a timely topic. I generally do not feel any emotion, even when close family pass. I have difficulty dealing with death and in supporting family when they are near death. I felt nothing when my parents passed in 2009 and 2014, and have yet to feel any emotion. The exception was in 2017 when my best friend passed following a stroke;I was asked to speak at his visitation and wept uncontrollably. I could mot speak and was quite embarrassed. I also wept and was sad for days after a pet dog was euthanized in 2013. Today, I was informed that another friend (my best friend’s brother) was on his death bed, and I feel nothing. I am not inclined to visit for this reason. Is this common?

 

[Ylva]

Wow, this is a timely topic. I generally do not feel any emotion, even when close family pass. I have difficulty dealing with death and in supporting family when they are near death. I felt nothing when my parents passed in 2009 and 2014, and have yet to feel any emotion. Today, I was informed that a friend was on his death bed, and I feel nothing. I am not inclined to visit for this reason. Is this common?

Allistics demand a lot of drama to prove you cared about the person, but they have spent your life criticizing you for having a reaction to painful things, like their loudness or their touch or their high-pitched voices.

I have to focus on the thought of me never seeing them again to be able to grieve, and if that thought doesn't make me sad then obviously I can't.

 

[Rasputin]

Allistics demand a lot of drama to prove you cared about the person, but they have spent your life criticizing you for having a reaction to painful things, like their loudness or their touch or their high-pitched voices.

I have to focus on the thought of me never seeing them again to be able to grieve, and if that thought doesn't make me sad then obviously I can't.

I think I am like you.