Coming out of the Asperger closet.

[djn]

I'm recently diagnosed and wondering how others have decided if, when, who, and how to tell people. Also, how it went and tips on what to say and not say, etc.

 

[Ereth]

Well, I was fine with telling loved ones first because I could trust that they wouldn't treat me any differently. Then I got comfortable enough to tell other people, should a conversation require it.

But no one's really looked at me any differently for knowing I have autism.

 

[Aspieistj]

I am now 70 and was self diagnosed while in my early 60s and still working. I was an RN and expected the medical community to be interested and open to learning about AS. They weren't. Most people consider autism related behavior to be a mental illness and they don't give a damn about the mentally ill. One friend, and RN with Psych experience, made it clear that now that I understood why I was so weird, all I had to do is remember not to act weird. My feelings were not taken in to consideration. Most people, including those in the medical profession, have little tolerance for any emotional instability and adopt the belief that anyone with such a problem has simply got to control their emotions and "fit in" with NTs. They fiercely believe that Aspies require fixing.

In spite of all my experiences, I often do tell people I have AS when I realize that I have annoyed them and I try, briefly, to explain I can't control why I am so different and annoying. I ask that they try to understand how I feel and that I am not deliberately trying to annoy them. I withdrew from all my friends (the few I actually had) and told them that I can't always stop my Aspie reactions from surfacing and because of that I choose to remain alone so I won't bother them any longer. This usually makes people somewhat angry and most try to keep the friendship going. However, they continue to react to any Aspie behavior on my part with the rock solid belief that I could stop being an Aspie if I really wanted to. I have given out numerous articles and URLs to these people, asking them to try to learn and understand that my brain is really wired differently from theirs. So far, it hasn't helped much. Still, I am a retired teacher and RN and I place a lot of faith in the eventual education of the public to the point that they accept that autism is no different from other handicaps. Some paralyzed people, some deaf people and some blind people can be made somewhat better with modern medicine and surgery, but like Down Syndrome people, autism can't be removed from the person. In order to accommodate the sensibilities of NTs, we can make the effort to modify some of our behaviors, but we can't be "cured."

 

[Jimbo]

I was so excited when I found out at age 44 that I told everybody. I was thrilled to finally understand myself better, and my family was happy for me. I knew I was different, I just didn't know it had a name. I even mentioned it while preaching a sermon in another church and a family and their aspie son came to me after the service and we talked for over an hour. I was able to offer them encouragement, and they were able to help me understand things I had gone through in my past. It was a blessing all around.

 

[gregmcph]

I have had other people hint at me that they think that I am Asp. So, I think if I went and told people close to me, their reply would be and eyeroll and "Well, obviously".

But I don't think I would go telling more distant acquaintances. They don't need that complication to play with.

 

[ExplosiveTMT]

I haven't felt any need to tell many about it.
I only tell my closest friends.

In some cases, my mum has told some people about it, so I can get good support.

When people question why I do things so differently, I give them a basic explanation ("I'm just being me")
If they react negatively to that, then I walk off and ignore them.

 

[lemon]

I went with "I'm pretty sure I have aspergers" when approaching the subject with my best friend and my father. My friend's response was akin to "yeah, that makes sense" and was really supportive. My father didn't believe me and still thinks I'm normal; just a little introverted. I haven't been officially diagnosed (which, if I was, would likely convince my father).

I've also casually brought it up in conversation with other friends and they have all been really supportive.

 

[Judge]

I went with "I'm pretty sure I have aspergers" when approaching the subject with my best friend and my father. My friend's response was akin to "yeah, that makes sense" and was really supportive. My father didn't believe me and still thinks I'm normal; just a little introverted. I haven't been officially diagnosed (which, if I was, would likely convince my father).

It was a long, gradual process for me. (Still formally undiagnosed). Read a lot of medical articles and took all the tests I could find online. But it was reading of so many personal accounts that helped me determine that I am definitely on the spectrum. And interacting with both NT and Aspies here gives me that many more practical experiences to draw on as well.

Yeah, all my life I just assumed I was a hardcore "introvert". Wow...I was just a little bit off from that conclusion! But knowing what makes us "tick" is incredibly valuable. If not to use and profit from in whatever way we can, just the idea of knowing. Closure.