Coming out as Aspie to mother

[NicoNico]

So I have spent the last 2 weeks doing research on ASD, because an acquittance suggested I might have autism. After doing a lot of research ( I have a whole composition note book filled with symptoms and whether or not I share those symptoms ) I've self-diagnosed as Aspie.

I want to get an official diagnosis soon, because it could help me get resources if I try to go to school again (I dropped out of high school due to stress and "anxiety attacks". I think the anxiety attacks were actually meltdowns caused from over stimulation, as that seems to fit them much more than anxiety attack/ panic attack) or if I go to college (which is something I really want to do). Not to mention it will other people in my life better understand why I act so "strange".

I'm 18 and I live with my mom, I want to tell her that I think I am aspie, however every time I think about telling I get super scared and close up. I'm afraid she will think I am just saying it for attention or she will think that I am wrong because I don't act like my younger brother (who is diagnosed as autistic)

I know if I get an official diagnosis she won't be able to call me a liar (which is another reason I want a professional diagnosis, instead of just my self-diagnoses). However, I still fear her disapproval or her trying to say that I am wrong.

I want to tell her though because I think it will help her understand why I am the way I am and why I do things a certain way.

My first thought on how do I come out as autistic to my mom went along the lines of

Me: how do I tell my mom I think I have ASD
Myself: the same way you told her about your sexuality
Me: but I didn't talk to her about that
Myself: exactly

So my brains not exactly coming up with any good ways to tell her (I've considered just handing her the note book I filled out with symptoms and how I have them with all my online screening test results and then just hiding in my room until she talks to me? But then I'm scared she might throw the book away, and I don't want that to happen)

So are there any other people who realized that they have ASD later on in their life and had to explain to their mom that they were planning on getting diagnosed? What did you tell them? How did you start the conversation (I'm already really bad at starting conversations, and the stress and nerves just make this so much worse! When is the right time to bring it up? How do I start the conversation, do I just go "I think I'm autistic"? Or is that too blunt? Social interaction is so weird :/ )

 

[Full Steam]

I built it in to a story.

They already new about problems I'd been trying to figure out, so I went back over that as a prelude and then talked about recent events leading up to my self diagnosis.

My mum thought for a minute and said " yes, I can see that, you always were obsessed about things."

 

[Chance]

Hi, Nico and welcome...

My parents refused it when I was a kid... "No, he's stubborn and he needs his ass beat." Which happened a lot, if I dared to flap my hands or pull my ears, or tap stuff... I didn't speak much, but that was a good thing.
We were extremely rural, so ASD wasn't even in their range of understanding.

My mom ditched me after my parents got a divorce. I was about 10 and have never seen her again.
She hated my guts from the day I was born. My dad had to pick me up and I dont think he really wanted that. So I was shuffled around a lot when I was a kid.

I got bullied so bad at home and at school. I became so determined to overcome this... and I did it by faking how other people acted, but this took me till high school to master... I have mild Tourettes but I have never been able to hide that when I get upset or really tired.

So later my dad says... "I told you, that it was just stubbornness..."

Later I start zoning out, shutting down, having massive panic attacks, and developed severe depression from all the exhausting "faking" I was living. By this time I was married and then it was a whole other nightmare in the making...

I went to the ER 3 times because I couldn't breathe. My chest got so tight I was struggling. They made me do a follow up, then I was referred to a phycologist... and now I am labeled Autistic w/ PTSD, OCD, SPD, and Tourettes... I hate being official myself.

I never wanted it, and I got nothing from it because its all reasonably high functioning, (however they didn't label me HFA) and I have high IQ. Very few know... Well they act like they don't know, but it leaked out at work so I basically know everyone knows.

So my beans got spilled on accident, or on purpose maybe by another person, not sure really.
My wife has refused this and refuses to let me tell anyone... her deal is... "Oh he just has anxiety, he's fine."
As she controls every word I'm not gonna say anyway.

Its a crap shoot buddy... If people would allow me to just be me, it would be fine... But that seems to be the problem most ASD people have. People have to FIX us and make us fake being like them.

If I was you, maybe??? I would just leave a printed off apsie test result laying around... A door needs to open gently it seems, but she shouldn't be too hard to convince if your brother has ASD. I don't get that, but people are people, and I don't understand lots of things. Good luck to you... I'm certain you will get plenty ideas here, there are lots of wonderful people.

 

[Streetwise]

what made the lightbulb moment happen did you read a story in the media about an aspie or was it a list of symptoms and epiphany oh g~d thats what it is tell her that make it extremely clear n.t's aren't as sensitive as we are

So I have spent the last 2 weeks doing research on ASD, because an acquittance suggested I might have autism. After doing a lot of research ( I have a whole composition note book filled with symptoms and whether or not I share those symptoms ) I've self-diagnosed as Aspie.

I want to get an official diagnosis soon, because it could help me get resources if I try to go to school again (I dropped out of high school due to stress and "anxiety attacks". I think the anxiety attacks were actually meltdowns caused from over stimulation, as that seems to fit them much more than anxiety attack/ panic attack) or if I go to college (which is something I really want to do). Not to mention it will other people in my life better understand why I act so "strange".

I'm 18 and I live with my mom, I want to tell her that I think I am aspie, however every time I think about telling I get super scared and close up. I'm afraid she will think I am just saying it for attention or she will think that I am wrong because I don't act like my younger brother (who is diagnosed as autistic)

I know if I get an official diagnosis she won't be able to call me a liar (which is another reason I want a professional diagnosis, instead of just my self-diagnoses). However, I still fear her disapproval or her trying to say that I am wrong.

I want to tell her though because I think it will help her understand why I am the way I am and why I do things a certain way.

My first thought on how do I come out as autistic to my mom went along the lines of

Me: how do I tell my mom I think I have ASD
Myself: the same way you told her about your sexuality
Me: but I didn't talk to her about that
Myself: exactly

So my brains not exactly coming up with any good ways to tell her (I've considered just handing her the note book I filled out with symptoms and how I have them with all my online screening test results and then just hiding in my room until she talks to me? But then I'm scared she might throw the book away, and I don't want that to happen)

So are there any other people who realized that they have ASD later on in their life and had to explain to their mom that they were planning on getting diagnosed? What did you tell them? How did you start the conversation (I'm already really bad at starting conversations, and the stress and nerves just make this so much worse! When is the right time to bring it up? How do I start the conversation, do I just go "I think I'm autistic"? Or is that too blunt? Social interaction is so weird :/ )

 

[Momo]

Well, I still haven't "come out" as an aspie to my mother. So I'm completely useless here.