Clinical depression is a real beast.

[BoltzmannBrain17]

Depression is awful. I'm currently functioning better than I ever have objectively but am still cripplingly sad. Depression almost at times feels like a terminal illness and it's brutal.

 

[watersprite]

Reading other’s stories helped me. A lot.

I was never addicted to any substances, maybe I was sliding toward that though. My younger wonderful but troubled brother died a few years agi, because of heavy alcohol and drug use and depression. This pusned me into depression & my partner resented that. Which in turn depressed me further. Anyway enough about me.

Recommended Read:

From the Ashes
by Jesse Thistle


here he is talking about his journey

 

[Jordy]

 

[Suzette]

Well, "rest" doesn't mean slacking off and dumping all forward momentum. It means to lighten your forward drive and down shift a little. It means to stop berating yourself with what isn't yet done, and appreciate what is!

 

[Gerontius]

I really think I should prioritize buying that bicycle in the near future, that would make this a lot less of an issue.

That helps, and the physical exercise from cycling can be pretty great as far as beating depression. It helps.

I have a fairly beat-up Raleigh that has got to be about 65 years old. I think it's a 1966 model and must weigh fifty pounds fully kitted out with the lamp, tire pump, fenders, chain cover, etc. Even that thing is still effortless for getting around on. What some call weight, I call momentum.

Bicycles are the perfect solution for traveling while avoiding the hassle and high cost of cars.

 

[Aspychata]

You are really aware of your feelings. Cutting out liquor (depressant) , really just masked how you maybe felt. Take away liquor, you are left with the core. I am very impressed you didn't head to denial but actively are searching a solution. This is different then before where you just headed out to self-medication which covered up how you felt. You are on the right path or the fight path of getting yourself better. It's great to see you evolve and you are taking responsibility. Hope this doctor appt gets you to the next game level.

 

[Gerontius]

You are really aware of your feelings. Cutting out liquor (depressant) , really just masked how you maybe felt. Take away liquor, you are left with the core. I am very impressed you didn't head to denial but actively are searching a solution. This is different then before where you just headed out to self-medication which covered up how you felt. You are on the right path or the fight path of getting yourself better. It's great to see you evolve and you are taking responsibility. Hope this doctor appt gets you to the next game level.

The cool thing is, Len's a dude--who says guys aren't aware of their feelings? He's ahead of the curve because he at least admits it. Quite decent really. Knowing something is better than getting your teeth kicked in by your own ignorance.

The liquor as depressant situation is interesting; people associate alcohol with parties and being in a good mood but that's not entirely true all the time.

 

[Kalinychta]

I am finding that video games, movies, anime and manga, all the hobbies that used to bring me pleasure are doing nothing for me now.

Video games and overexposure to movies and television contribute to depression. As for anime and manga, you’re 43-years-old, yes?—perhaps it’s time to ditch the cartoons and take up a hobby that allows you to be creative and to actually accomplish something. Video games, movies, and Japanese cartoons are not hobbies; they simply pass time. It’s time to do something constructive, something that fills you with a sense of accomplishment.

 

[Roxiee]

Depression is awful. I'm currently functioning better than I ever have objectively but am still cripplingly sad. Depression almost at times feels like a terminal illness and it's brutal.

It seems to be yes, but in the end things will be okay! I've been suffering with depression for too long and things are slightly getting brighter but it takes time, I'm proud of you keep going!

 

[Gerontius]

Depression is awful. I'm currently functioning better than I ever have objectively but am still cripplingly sad. Depression almost at times feels like a terminal illness and it's brutal.

Hello Brain--Glad you're functioning better. Depression does feel like it's terminal--It's probably one of the most common ways to be completely miserable. Not a bit of fun, it isn't, good luck getting through it.

It affects the body so much that of course it will feel like a terminal illness. The stuff literally makes you feel like you're going to die.

 

[Aspychata]

Think this post made me think a little more seriously about the OP's situation which l identify with 500%. My mother is similar in some respects. In other respects l went thru an extremely abusive situation long-term. This made see his struggles clearly. Now l can clearly see the link of co-dependency that we learn and then once we break free from the abuse, we have to learn to take care of ourselves all over again. It's easier to stay codependent on substances or toxic people because it's what we know and it's scary to take care of ourselves especially when we are groomed to be codependent and accept the longterm gaslighting. So l think the step of him going for antidepressants is his ability to say l am not staying codependent, l am working towards a healthier attitude. Thanks to the OP for opening my eyes wide open. It's the step of him taking care of himself that is a break thru.

The only difference for me is l was I independent for many years and the gaslight grooming didn't happen until quite later in age so l am no proactive in taking care of myself and calling people out on their stuff.

 

[Markness]

Video games and overexposure to movies and television contribute to depression. As for anime and manga, you’re 43-years-old, yes?—perhaps it’s time to ditch the cartoons and take up a hobby that allows you to be creative and to actually accomplish something. Video games, movies, and Japanese cartoons are not hobbies; they simply pass time. It’s time to do something constructive, something that fills you with a sense of accomplishment.

You can draw inspiration from those mediums for creativity, you know? There are those who create video games and other visual media as well.

 

[Metalhead]

Well, I did not even manage to make it out of bed yet today. I worked using my laptop on my mattress. Then I slept for a few hours.

I really do not feel like eating, either. Maybe a few days without food will help me lose my belly.

 

[Gerontius]

Loss of appetite is par for the course with depression. What is important would be remembering to keep up on hygiene. Often that suffers when depression begins to kick in.
The trouble with this stuff is that it frequently causes us to forget about the passage of time, too, as if that wasn't already tricky enough.

 

[Metalhead]

Video games and overexposure to movies and television contribute to depression. As for anime and manga, you’re 43-years-old, yes?—perhaps it’s time to ditch the cartoons and take up a hobby that allows you to be creative and to actually accomplish something. Video games, movies, and Japanese cartoons are not hobbies; they simply pass time. It’s time to do something constructive, something that fills you with a sense of accomplishment.

And yet it was video games, movies and Japanese cartoons that kept me from killing myself when I was in high school, since everything else in my life sucked back then.

Given that most of the anime I watch today is seinen, I do not think I am too old to be watching it.

You are right when you say I need to be doing more with my time, though.

 

[Streetwise]

My sleeping schedule has been totally out of whack the last three months since I have been working from home most of the time. I usually stay up until 3am, wake up at 8am to start my work shift, take an hours long nap after work is done, rinse and repeat.

I am finding that video games, movies, anime and manga, all the hobbies that used to bring me pleasure are doing nothing for me now. Not even the occasional visit from my friends with benefits situation is doing much to cheer me up these days. Every day feels like nonstop work, every motion I make feels like a monumental effort even when I know logically it is anything but that. I feel whiny over the tiniest of things, and that just is not who I am all about.

So, I think I may talk to a doctor soon to see about clinical depression.

How do you know if you have clinical depression @Metalhead ?

 

[Kalinychta]

And yet it was video games, movies and Japanese cartoons that kept me from killing myself when I was in high school, since everything else in my life sucked back then.

Given that most of the anime I watch today is seinen, I do not think I am too old to be watching it.

You are right when you say I need to be doing more with my time, though.

Those things are appropriate for younger high school kids, though. Not so much for adults. I do think you’d probably feel better if you took up a real hobby, like maybe learn a musical instrument?

 

[Metalhead]

How do you know if you have clinical depression @Metalhead ?

I have had an actual diagnosis of it as of 10 years ago.

 

[Suzette]

That helps, and the physical exercise from cycling can be pretty great as far as beating depression. It helps.

I have a fairly beat-up Raleigh that has got to be about 65 years old. I think it's a 1966 model and must weigh fifty pounds fully kitted out with the lamp, tire pump, fenders, chain cover, etc. Even that thing is still effortless for getting around on. What some call weight, I call momentum.

Bicycles are the perfect solution for traveling while avoiding the hassle and high cost of cars.

Math check, 56, not 65

 

[Gerontius]

Math check, 56, not 65

Missed that bit I did; I finished my high school math in 9th grade and by 10th grade I was blissfully ignorant again of the whole subject. Considering I've made some parts for it out of scrap metal and added other pieces on from different years I think it's averaging out to about a 1975-1980 model at this point, though I am no longer entirely sure what country it is from.

Same goes for the car--which is also old and also breaks down a lot. I've made a bunch of pieces for it from Geo Metro, fire-hoses, egg cartons, wire, aftermarket parts (not the cool ones but the really cheap ones!), Duck tape, and lots and lots of string. Before long that 1996 Toyota will end up as a 2015 mix of GMC, Mahindra, Pierce-Arrow, and probably Cuisinart.