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Can't Take Criticism

Discussion in 'Obsessions and Interests' started by Riley, Nov 15, 2019.

  1. Riley

    Riley Well-Known Member

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    I've noticed I've had an inability to take criticism. Not in the standard way, I don't think, and it doesn't matter if it's constructive or too harsh, I just shrink and develop a hatred against that specific thing. For example: I used to love the 2016 movie Suicide Squad...Until one too many Hot Topic jokes had me hating Emilie Autumn because she reminded me of that movie and calling myself a "weird fat chick."
     
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  2. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I was like that my entire earlier life too. I let not only big critiques and rejections bother me, but smaller ones, indirect ones, and perceived ones, with me then internalizing what was said or believed said, or what improper action was done, and then I used that information to justify me finding even more fault with me, which only but made me fear critiques and rejections more, no matter how big, small or whether true or not.

    Everyone usually gets critiqued daily, whether big or small, so the key is to first understand that. Almost everyone is not immune to receiving that, as it happens daily in so many ways, and in many ways we may not notice at first. Criticisms could be unintended, or be with desire to hurt. Or the inflictor of such can do such with attempt to make things better, like with constructive criticism. Whereas many times a critique is not proper, and very hurtful, other times a critique is at times somehow needed, if not for short term resolution, but some long term benefit.

    Those with poorer or more fragile self esteems are generally known for being more bothered by criticism and rejection, but one needs to look deeper than the surface there, as it does not just involve shyer personalities, as even narcissists with outward bravado and needs to show superiority, they too are really sensitive to critiques and perceived rejection. Nearly everyone actually does not like being told or made to feel they are bad in some way, but some just have the ability to use those bad words or actions against them to their advantage.

    In many cases, people can have genetic dispositions to tolerate stress and anxiety better, and so if those people are criticized, shunned or rejected, they may instinctively worry about it less, or just use that extra energy as fuel and motivation to either prove any naysayers wrong, or to work harder at something, or to improve something more. In many other cases, a lifetime of experiences of maltreatment and perceived maltreatment makes them feel weaker or more horrible of a person, and so less able to tolerate bad remarks or actions, with a feeling perhaps less able to fight back.

    There likely though are situations where one could have adequate self-esteem, but still get bothered by criticism and rejection, if their routines, personality or life was such that either they rarely saw others call attention to their any wrongs, or if that person is perhaps perfectionistic, or in another case overconfident as a person, and hating to make mistakes or be seen in less than a totally usual positive light. Regardless the source of any sensitivity to criticism, and regardless the personality or condition of that person bothered by such, I feel solutions exist to make things better there.

    In my case, as I felt I understood the source of my sensitivities to criticisms and rejections, which in my case I felt was more past environmental related, because of much abuse I received growing up, which worsened extensively my self esteem, and which caused me to be more negative and obsessive about everything in life, causing me to get weaker and weaker, and more inward and avoidant for each critique and rejection. As I understood the source, I could then develop a plan to build my self esteem, recondition my mind to think more positively, and to worry less.

    By bettering those three things, which I detailed extensively in another post several days ago in a thread titled, “How to deal with obsessive repetitive negative thought patterns” this also meant I would then not let others’ negative actions, words, and life situations control or change how how I thought or felt at a moments notice. It meant I not only would see myself, others, and the world in a more positive light, but that I would not let critiques, rejections and negative evaluations of me, and unexpected situations, bother me much, but instead I found ways to not dwell on that, to find something positive about that, or to energize me to use somehow that remark or action to my benefit.

    Now, I am not saying your sensitivity to negative evaluation is because of low self esteem, obsessive thoughts, abusive upbringing, and/or negative programming, but what I am saying is once you find out the source, or suspect the source, then you can start researching if there is some way to resolve that such that critiques and rejections no longer dominate your thought process, or in a negative way. Often people feel that certain negative thought patterns or certain anxieties are permanent. That is not true. Even for our Autistic sons, we on rarer occasion get one or more of our children out of unhealthy thought patterns, routines or fixations, to more positive or less worrying thoughts, routines and/or fixations that still satisfy their Autistic desires and needs, but through redirection, positive explanation why the slight change is needed in a logical way, like to our oldest, he is fine with that.
     
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2019
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    l am super sensitive if it is someone l really like. This person berated me and l was so sad. But l was super fragile at that point. Actually they just wanted me to come to their state and meet.

    Then they told me to call them more so l did and then they jerked that rug away too.
     
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  4. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Now l can file myself away in the folder of anxiety of relationships. lol
     
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  5. Dadwith2Autisticsons

    Dadwith2Autisticsons Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    I am sorry they treated you that way. Indeed, when we can like someone, then our expectations or hopes usually are that they like us, too, or that they could hopefully like us, later. So, when that same feeling or action from that other is not returned it can sting more, and as we then sometimes we could feel not worthy of being liked by not only that person who we at least originally saw as either a good or as a likable person, but for others we could later like as well. And so when that criticism occurs from one we like, it may make us question either more about ourselves, the choices we make, our likability, and why that other did not like us.

    In an opposite case, if a person has always been mean to me, or if I disliked or hated that person, although their criticism still could hurt some, over time it could lessen, and if I had at least an ounce of self esteem left, or if I still could rationalize properly their bad words or actions, perhaps in those moments I would not always find lots of fault with me by what they said or did to me, but tell myself that person is just not nice or they have issues of their own. And since I did not like them anyway, I likely would just tell myself, I will just avoid them, as they do not think like me, act like me, or have the traits I am looking for, as a friend or other anyway.
     
    Last edited: Nov 16, 2019
  6. Suzanne

    Suzanne Well-Known Member

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    Neither can I and wish I could change that, because constructive critism is good and helps to develop one, but sadly, no matter what, I feel lousy being given the critism and it sticks to me like glue and I admit to hating the person who gave me the critism; so a huge work on.
     
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  7. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I find it hard as well. I know criticism is sometimes good but it still hurts me to be put down.