Can't take being yelled at

[some/aspies/need/hugs/13]

I have similar experiences with sensory overload. If a guy yells at me I explain in a very aggressive tone that I am perceiving him as a threat and will not be responsible for my actions if he continues. With women I shutdown and start crying though and usually they see how bad they hurt me and hug me until I feel better.

 

[AuBurney Tuckerson]

When I was little, I used to have the same reaction. But I'm more combative as I grew. Someone yells at me, and I usually scream at them. For me, yelling is considered a threat. I'm like a wild animal. XD

 

[luna88]

I really can't handle it when someone gets mad at me, gets disapointed in me, and especially when someone yells at me. Whenever this happens it feels like my entire body just wants to collapse in on itself, I feel like I little kid who just want to hide under his sheets and cry, I break so damn easly and I hate it. And yes, I'm a 22 year old man who feels like CRYING when I get yelled at by other. I feel like such a little b*tch for not being able to either stand up to this or at least accept it, my brain and body just shuts itself down and sometimes if it's really bad it can ruin my entire day if not week. I hate being yelled at! Can't people just explain things normally without yelling and putting me down for making mistakes!?

YES!! I can so relate with this. I'm 29 and I've experienced this a lot in the past year. When someone yells at me I usually shut down in the moment and then melt down/cry as a delayed reaction, but it takes days to fully process the interaction and let it go, which initially feels like a full on physical attack to my body. Why can't people explain things in a nice, compassionate and gentle way without projecting anger!?! It really disrupts my productivity and ability to function. It's so frustrating that people do not have empathy or mindfulness around this and the sensitivities of being on the autism spectrum. I have this theory that there's an automatic subconscious/unconscious anger that arises in the minds of neurotypical people precisely because we are neurodiverse- I suspect it's a form of cognitive dissonance because their brains have to work extra hard to connect with us, instead of reacting from auto pilot which is easy and normal. We are fragile beings and that's not a choice. Hopefully one day the world will be more neurodiverse aware and accepting. Be gentle with yourself even when the world isn't.

 

[SiameseKitty]

I really can't handle it when someone gets mad at me, gets disapointed in me, and especially when someone yells at me. Whenever this happens it feels like my entire body just wants to collapse in on itself, I feel like I little kid who just want to hide under his sheets and cry, I break so damn easly and I hate it. And yes, I'm a 22 year old man who feels like CRYING when I get yelled at by other. I feel like such a little b*tch for not being able to either stand up to this or at least accept it, my brain and body just shuts itself down and sometimes if it's really bad it can ruin my entire day if not week. I hate being yelled at! Can't people just explain things normally without yelling and putting me down for making mistakes!?

No, you're not a weakling. You're not a little b**ch, either. It's just that such incidences will cause sensory overload, and when it's bad enough (including too much input coming at once, wrong place, and the wrong tone/words on top of that, etc) that's a huge overload right there. I know, because I've been there. To be fair, many times such things would be my fault for being too narcissistic. A few times, no. If it's not what you've said or done, it's how.

 

[SiameseKitty]

Exactly the same here. I do not deal with anger, disappointment or criticism well at all. Same as you I just want to cry and hide away, even for the slightest thing. For instance, my friend said to me I keep leaving the teaspoon on top of the wrong lid and I know it annoys him when things aren't exactly right (he is Aspie too) and I felt like I had just killed a puppy of something. Its a ridiculous reaction to something so petty but there it is.


When someone shouts I turn into a complete wreck. Even if they aren't shouting at ME, I can't handle it. I will shake, cry, my stomach feels like its melting, and its like all my senses go into overload. I don't know if that is trauma caused by my Dad being a very, very shouty parent or if its to do more with sensory overload.

From what you said, I have a feeling it's likely both sensory overload and trauma on top of it.

 

[SiameseKitty]

I can't stand to be yelled at and cursed, but, I get it all the time from the guy I live with.
He's that way with anyone. It keeps me upset and makes me sick to my stomach or shut down.
He calls me childish and too sensitive.

Another Aspie I know and like said the same.
He could not stand to be scolded or yelled at.
Looks like most of us here have the same intolerance.

Same here with the 2nd point. Especially if it's the wrong time, wrong place, wrong tone, wrong circumstance, wrong setting.

 

[rowen]

I really can't handle any sort of anger or disappointment, being told off in any way. I will just start crying if I am directly told off. I avoid communicating with my tutors if I haven't done my work because I'm scared they'll be angry with, or disappointed in, me. I, as OP described, just completely shut down in these situations.

I get scared when I hear any kind of anger or shouting from people I know. My mother once told my sister off in another part of the house for not doing the dishes. This was something she had also requested of me. I was so shaken that I broke down and curled up on the bathroom floor crying and hyperventilating for quite a while.

I feel just terrible when I have done something wrong and am chided in any way at all. I hate myself, and want to collapse into a miniature black hole of sorrow, guilt and self-deprecation.